Struggling to cope

Hi @Former-Member

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment. While our circumstances are quite diffrent I can relate to feeling like nothing is good enough, nothing is enough and feeling unappreciated.

@Former-Member commented in a diffrent thread ( looking after ourselves / Talking aout LOVE ) on how the love of her husband created an enviornment where she could heal. I found this most encouraging and thought you may like to take a look.

Hey thanks @Determined for your response. I appreciate it.

I read that other thread you mentioned that @Shaz51 started and @Former-Member reponded to. Some really nice responses there, so thanks for directing me there.

Regards,

Sherry

Hi @Former-Member,

Glad to see you over. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling though.

It's disappointing here about how unappreciated you feel. Seem like you put in a lot of energy caring for you hubby - please don't forget about you too!

@SamD cares for his partner who had PTSD. He has written here about how he is/was experiencing some relationship difficulties. @Mumjen who has PTSD has written about caring for her daughter who also has PTSD here. Feel free to contribute to those threads. Or perhaps either @SamD or @Mumjen could share some thoughts.

Hello @Former-Member

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time at the moment my friend

remember we are here for you , and remember self care is inportant too

How are you this afternoon @Former-Member xx

Thanks @CherryBomb, for directing me to those threads you mentioned.

Hi @Shaz51. Yes I know you are all here for me, and so many others, you're all great. Thankyou.

Of course self care is important, and I do try to keep that in mind. The fact is that I am going through a really difficult few weeks personally with my own PTSD-related issues. And I just feel so totally drained, both emotionally and physically. I've had barely any sleep for weeks, and having regular panic attacks, and constant high anxiety. Its taken quite a toll I guess.

I've done all I can since my own ptsd diagnosis 2 years ago to try to improve things - regular psych apts, CBT, exposure therapy, EMDR, medication, etc. Hubby ridicules me for seeing a psychologist, and makes me feel guilty for going. In his opinion, psychologists are totally useless. His words.

Fact is, he doesnt accept I have a problem. Admittedly I keep as much from him as I possibly can. If I were to bring up the subject of my ptsd it only serves the purpose of riling him up. Thus making my life so much more difficult and possibly his too. The cause of my PTSD is a highly inflamatory issue with him. He can become quite violent at times and I just cant go there.

It frustrates me that he refuses to have any treatment for his mental health issues, other than the ADs his psychiatrist prescribed. He sees his psychiatrist on a quarterly basis for a casual chat. I guess his issues make his drinking that much worse, and the ADs he is on means that alcohol has more of an affect on him as well. So alcohol is a really big problem for him, and thus me as well. He was diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago, and has never had any therapy which could help him. He refuses, even when his psychiatrist refers him to a psychologist for treatment.

So its hard knowing that my efforts to do whatever I can for him to keep him as happy and well as possible, are being negated because he refuses to do anything to help himself.

Sometimes I just wonder why I bother. But I know I will pick up again soon. Usually I cope okay, all sunny and positive. Right now though I'm struggling so badly because my own mental state is a load of s**t.

I'm so sorry, reading back this all sounds so dreadfully selfish. Sigh, but thats just how I feel. Hit the post button or the cancell button? Decisions, decisions. Ah what the heck. Post it ..........

Sherry xx

Hello @Former-Member

I do know what you mean my friend x

Hubby has cancelled seeing a psychologist, and a psychiatrist

He he taking himself off his meds which are anti Depressants and Anti anxiety meds

He says I don`t need to see a psychologist but I will need someting for me to cope

He has alcohol each night ,, so it is ups and downs everyday

so for me it is one day at a time , we get to see the doctor at the end of the month -- hubby doesn`t want to see the Gp , he is going to do it on his own

Me -- who am I ??

sooo sending you hugs my friend

Oh @Shaz51, I am sorry. It is really hard isnt it, when they dont seem to want to do whats best for them? All you can do I suppose is encourage, remind and support.

Yes my hubby drinks every night too. The minimum he drinks any night is 4 stubbies of beer. Although it is extremely rare that it stops there. Generally it extends to 3-4 glasses of wine, followed by scotch. Just one 'night-cap' he says, to help him sleep. But one night-cap (which is the equiv of a double shot) of scotch becomes two, then three, often more. He doesnt know how to stop. And unfortunately with his meds, he really cannot handle it like he once could. Its also very damaging to his one remaining kidney (one was removed a few years ago due to cancer). He already has CKD, and is on a restrictive diet. But my efforts to feed him right, is totally offset by him drinking like he does. Grrrr ....

I hope your hubby agrees to see his GP at the end of the month. At least my hubby sees his GP regularly, as well as his other specialists (kidney specialist, cancer specialist, neurologist, etc). He is a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to his physical health. So getting him to those Drs, for me, is an easy task. Its just the mental health side of things he wont do anything about.

Me ... who am I? You ask. Mmm precisely. I know exactly what you mean.

Hey thanks so much for the hug. Glad someone else understands.

Now I am going to try for some sleep now. Goodnight to you. And a big thankful hug to you too.

Sherry xx

Hello my friend @Former-Member

encourage, remind and support.-- yes you are right my friend

It is still hard

I have Kidney disease stage 4 , I found out I was only born with one kidney due to Rubella syndrome , so I have one kidney working at 24 %

Just asking @Former-Member, does the doctors know how much he is drinking , maybe they might be able to help

How are You today

Yes @Shaz51, I remember reading before about your kidney issues. Hubby was born with 2, but had to have one removed about 5 years ago now due to cancer. His remaining kidney is not functioning too well since then. Although kidney function at his last tests had gone up to 40%, which is pretty good. But you do need to watch what you eat, and drink of course. Despite his abusing his kidney with alcohol! And it so frustrates me when his specialist says to him "just keep doing what you're doing". Hubby thinks he's been given a licence to continue just the way he is.

No Shaz the Drs have no idea how much he drinks. Like most people who drink a lot I suppose, he just tells them the standard that they all want to hear - 3/4 drinks a night, 5 times a week, and 2 dry days. The rare occasion he only has 4 drinks a night is when he has a Dr appt the following morning or one of his regular blood tests. So really, he CAN do it, he just doesnt want to.

He swears he isnt alcoholic anyway. He keeps pointing out to me that his psychiatrist says he is Alcohol Dependent, not an alcoholic. In fact its exactly the same thing, only a nicer way of saying it.

I'm a little better today actually. Thanks for asking. Hubby is having a punting day at his local tavern this afternoon with his drinking buddies. Which has given me some time to myself this afternoon. I have been watching some cricket and distracting myself that way. I had hoped to take Holly out for a walk, but its way too wet. So that will have to wait. Just hoping hubby doesnt come home (courtesy bus) too drunk and abusive. And hopefully he will have had a few winners, otherwise he will be angry along with it.

I also read somewhere today Shaz (an old thread somewhere I think) that you have sight and hearing issues as a result of your rubella syndrome. Gee, and I think I've got it tough. So sorry for complaining.

Sherry xx

@Former-Member i would look at walkin away as the best care in a lot of circumstances, so walkin away should be looked at from u as I'm doing an even better job... Is hi abuse of u his only topic, does arguing or more so defending yourself ever help. Cause u sound pretty reasonable here, but once you got unreasonable person and on the cans on top, you got a situation where " we are short on round corners darling" back when I find some ... you think less and less of him and won't help u much either... not all the time I mean, but sometimes a person needs a break from the repetition, so get out of there AND SWAP A BIT OF ABUSE FOR A WALK IN PARK.. It's not much help, but you gotta look after u if you gunna look after him