ADHD ASD? Meltdowns Suicidal Ideation

Hi there @FKWTCM ,

Welcome to the forums. You certainly have a full full plate!

I want to acknowledge your dedication and care towards your girls. As hard as it sounds, I wonder if this is a rough teenage patch they are going through?

I'm so sorry to hear that things are so stressful for you right now. Your feelings a valid. I'm not sure I could be as committed as you. I can see you are a wonderful careing father and you want the best for them, but it's not easy.

Have you sat down with your daughther to let her know the impact she is having on you? I know you said she can be selfish, but she sounds pretty teenagerish at this time. At school, do they call you up to pick her up or does she call you directly?

I wonder if the school has special mental health supports she can be linked into? You certainly can't do this on your own. I hear it sometimes comes to the point where you just want to say, "Take her". This is a cry for help.

I hope you hear from social services soon and you get the help you deserve.

What are things that you enjoy doing or would like to get back into?

@FKWTCM You certainly do have a LOT on your plate, and I’m really glad for @tyme ’s reply which has already said a number of things I would have said so i won’t repeat it lol.

I wonder whether your daughters would have the capacity to try to fundraise for their expensive hobbies like the dancing?

It could be a really good way for them to build some independence skills too to do so!

It sounds like your daughter probably has a lot of mental health problems herself and may be struggling (e.g. needing you to pick her up, asking you to give her a reason to tell her friend she needs to leave the sleepover, seeking unhealthy relationships, etc). As you note, if she won’t seek a good MH support that is really hard on all of your because it really does impact you too.

I know I feel sad for how much money my mother has had to spend on my mental health and support me in some aspects of daily living since I was pre-teen. 😓. I guess at least my mum know I am aware of this and appreciative and don’t take it for granted? And as an adult and now that I have capacity to, I try to help her socially too and showing care. (I’m not physically able to help much.)

I wonder if the Community/Family services can offer some extra support for you in some way with your struggling with the children? Perhaps even if it is a weekend respite-relief or something?? I don’t know what they can offer, but for your sake I hope there is something - because it sounds like you are not coping, and that is dangerous for both you and you family.

It is definitely part teen. But she's had a massive amount of trauma in her life starting at 3 years old. Their mother and I used to do change over at either her place or mine. For 6 months or so their mother kept dropping them to my place. My older daughter said a few strange things to me, one being at mummy's place we don't walk on the bags. It was more the way she said it that felt wrong. So the next change over I drove to the mothers place. The whole house was full of garbage. There was a walking path to the mother's bedroom and my girls older siblings shared room. There were open tuna tins on an ironing board, it was full on. CPS saw it as an extreme case. There have been other things since then too. But she wont talk to anyone about it.

Usually she would call or message me from school. A lot of the time crying in the toilet.

The new school, Busy School seems great. They have 4 counselors there, career pathways people, they even do TAFE courses through the school.

I've joined a local Gem Club and have started Cabochon and a little bit of silver work. I'm really enjoying Cabochon, I think because I was fascinated with my fathers bench grinder when I was little, because he wouldn't let me touch it 😁 Now whenever I need to use my grinder I've got a big smile. (A cabochon machine is like a big bench grinder). I can usually go to the club on Tuesdays after I drop her to school. I also try to go on Saturdays. It takes my mind off the world because you need to concentrate on what you are doing and forget the world. I only started it this year.

Thank you for your support.

I cannot see my giros raising money, it would just be more work for me.

As for mental health support for her. I'm hoping with Anglicare we can get some. They can also help with driving lessons. I'm not sure how it works yet, but I'm hoping that could be a soft start to building a rapport and lead to counseling. I might try calling them again on Monday.

Thank you for helping

It sounds harsh... but.. do you have to answer her phone when she is at school @FKWTCM ?

I know this because I've worked in the wellbeing team at school, and if there IS really an issue, then they school will call.

However, if she is used to calling you and you pick her up, then it may be teaching her to rely on that? Do you think so?

Seeing they have counsellors, etc at school, perhaps they can work with her so that she finds strategies to help her self-regulate?

P.S., Mobile phones are banned in schools here, so they wouldn't be able to call anyway.