FKWTCMContributor
ADHD ASD? Meltdowns Suicidal Ideation
Where to start?
Me, 52 years old male. Physical, I have scoliosis 28° curvature, but it goes one way the 28° back the other way the very next vertebrae. So my back looks fairly normal, but is always in pain.
My head. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD retrospective. I am being assessed for ASD in July. I have 2 daughters. One is 15 and she is with me 50/50. The other is 16 and with me full time.
Man this is hard... If I write everything that is goong on and has gone it this would be a hard cover book so in notes.
TW: Sexual Assault
16yo Daughter. Sexually assaulted by grandfather on mother's side. Abuse by her mother for telling the school and police. Bullied at school for it. Missed most of that year. Last year went to a different school sand BS but not as bad. This year at Busy School. Had a boyfriend 6 months ago that said he was 16 turning 17. Turned up to be 19 and we needed court orders to stop the threat but he is still spreading rumours etc. Had other crappy boyfriends. Will not get mental health help, but in some ways I don't blame her what she got was shockingly bad. Was smoking pot but that's stopped. Many other drama's. The lates was involved in organizing an illegal Bush Doof that put me in a legal situation that if anyone was hurt I could have been sue (I've seen a lawyer about it) so now I have to do a police report to protect our house. Is extremely demanding and steals all my time. Things like has a sleepover at a friend's and messages me asking me to message her upset and saying she has to come home... Sorry this is to taxing there is so much more...
- Everytime she messages, calls or I have to pick her up from school, I have anxiety attacks. I know there is going to be another drama and usually Im right. I love both my kids to death, but I seriously don't want her anymore as she never helps me.
TW: SI
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Content/trigger warningShe knows I'm struggling now but just don't do anything I ask to help me. My life was work, but Im off now. Running around after my kids and spending all my money on them. There became nothing that gives me joy anymore. Even now there is very little that makes me smile or happy. My stress level is through the roof and I hear a constant ringing in my ears. My ADHD meds help a lot, they actually help keep negative thoughts out of my head.When it came out just before Christmas that I was going to take my life all she cared about was herself.
Now me OMG where to start.
I've been a single father for 14 years. In that time I've been the one who took my girls to doctors, swimming lessons, paid got 12 years of dance classes. My oldest has been to the nations coming 3rd and both are now student dance teachers. But the last 5 years of dance as cost about $5,000 a year and I earn about $38,000 per year. In the last 4 years for me ADHD has been getting worse. I have so many jobs to do around the house it's not funny.. Then when I get ine thing done one or two more jobs come along. A few weeks ago a friend that works in mental health but lives 1400kms away come and helped me for 10 days. But 2 days after she left I felt bogged down again. He has her own problem with older children, her company, client etc so cannot get until maybe May, she is hoping to get back before, but most likely wont. Oh I am the only child and have to support my parent and mum is getting dementia.
Anyway, my biggest problem out of all that is my anxiety around my daughter and meltdown when things don't go to plan. Mostly because she stuffs me around and doesn't help out when she says that she will. It puts me into a downward spiral and I start thinking of killing myself again.
TW: SI
But I get so close to seeing it as the only viable option.
I like in FNQ and searched askizzy fir support etc and there is nothing here at all. My daughter was referred to Anglicare but I rang up weeks ago but I'm still waiting to hear back from them. I'm not sure if they will be able to help with my daughter, but I was hoping at least I could get a break.
I seriously don't know what to do. A lot of the time on the way to pick her up from school, when she's started pressuring me through the day, I feel like calling up the school and telling them I'm not picking her up and she's not welcome at our home. Then telling them to just call CPS and let them deal with her 😞
I know I'm a good father and been good to the community. I ran a single parents social group. I have extra tents for camping trips. A few people got married. I stopped 2 suicides. I'm very active in the dance school building props and running a food stall at an annual comp. But I can't cope.