I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Hey @Surplus, thank you for shaing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you have been through a lot and had some challenging experiences. It's really brave of you to share with your peers here on the Forums as it is not easy to talk about our tough times.

You might also like to introduce yourself here: https://saneforums.org/t5/Welcome-and-getting-started/Welcome-Introduce-yourself-here/m-p/1149480

I encourage you to continue to reach out to the community as they may have some insights to share with similar experiences.

Take care

RiverSeal

Thanks but no thanks. I feel more comfortable posting as I did. However, it only makes it worse when being edited without reason. No need to influence like so or change my words.

It's actually not about me. That was my point... although yours no doubt well intended.

All the best.

Hey @Surfs-Up-88 ,

Thank you for sharing. It's so true that many actually don't know how to hold a conversation without being on their device. I wonder if this is an anxiety they develop because society has pretty much grown up with a device in their hand?

I'm not a very good face to face socialiser..... I don't mind having people around sometimes, but I also need my space.

I hear you when you mentioned the qualities of a friend. It sure sounds so isolating, and it feels that if we want friends, we need to keep doing doing doing. That is, YOU have to message, You have to visit people, You have to organise events... it's draining!

But.... to honestly speaking, I'm one of those people to might ignore messages or not go to things... do you have any questions for me that might help you to perhaps understand the 'other' side?

No pressure of course.

@tyme I guess the only question I have is how come the other side even commits to a friendship if they are so willing to ignore a "friend". It's not a quality that I believe constitutes a friendship

I don't believe its a nice thing to ignore messages, phone calls and someone in person when that person is choosing to put you before everything in that moment.

It feels like a real kick.

I was getting used to cutting these people out of my life amd have with 99% but have just realised if I ever want to run a business one day I will need connections even if they are fake. That itself is selfish but If I do that I will have nobody at all.

Since I have no real friends anymore I believe a fake friendship or handshake can get me further than isolating completely.

Ofcoarse I would love true frienship but it's but gone for me anymore.

I'm only left with people who would rather put 100hours a week into a solo computer game then spend 1 hour a month communicating with me.

hey @Surfs-Up-88 it sucks when friends don't ask those follow up questions, especially when it's an interest that means a lot to you. 20 books in the last 6 months so impressive!!

also wanted to let you know that you can tag members that you're responding to using the @ symbol and typing their username. when the tag turns blue like this @Surplus, it means the person will be notified of your response 😊

How do you 'commit' to a friendship? Do you say, "Do you want to be my friend?" How do you know the other person has 'committed'?

@Surfs-Up-88

I'm curious. As I said, I leave a lot of messages and phone calls and I only get back to them if I have time. In the same way, I do not expect others to get back to me until they are free or able. It's like this unspoken agreement. I don't get upset with them and they don't get upset with me. Only today, I was able to get to text messages on my phone from the beginning of the week.

I wonder if it's not about not having friends etc, but ensuring the friends understand what you expect?

@tyme As mentioned I believe if someone can log 50 hours on a game per week they can take the time to message a friend back within the week.

Yeah a friend is usually discussed. As with the one I am mentioning which is 1 of 2 of my last contacts we have been friends for 10 years.

When I communicated and said I don't think I'm getting what I expect out of a friend they asserted they are my friend and not to stop talking to them.

But it's like a brick wall for both of these friends as they don't reply or see me in person when I ask.

As stated I'm not looking for a pen pal. I know family members and my past and collegues that have friends who they see atleast once a month.

I dont even know why I bother with anyone I am associated with anymore because I feel alone anyways.

Therefore these last 2 friends are what I have left yet I may never even see them again before I die(in the next 60 years) yet they only live 15mins away from me.

What kind of life is that in which your community ignores you. Theres a reason centuries ago people where exiled its because separation(for someone who wants community) is torture.

Hearing you @Surfs-Up-88 . So really, it's that you've communicated your expectations, and as much as they 'agree' to it, it's not actioned? That's what I'm hearing.

And yes, if that is the situation where they have asked you to connect with them and they havent, then maybe it's worth looking for a wider circle of perhaps likeminded people?

What are some things you have tried in terms of connecting with others? Who knows? There may be others in the same boat as you, also looking for people to connect with.