FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I used to have many many friends. I thrived on friendship.

Over the years they started to seperate away from me.

I would try to see them but bit by bit they stopped wanting to see me. Especially when I got completely sober years ago.

These were my people. I dont have a partner for medical reasons I dont want to discuss.

Now I have nobody.

I don't want a pen pal, I think about playing an online game for interaction and then think why I will never see them in real life.

I need real interaction and I'm scared I will lose my will to live if I dont see people soon.

I have goals, ambitions but I need social interaction. The humanity in me wants it.

There's no social groups I find appealing. Like chess clubs or board game clubs.

Plus my chronic pain makes it so hard to attend.

I think I'm running out of time 😞

29 replies

1 - 10 of 29

In response to: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Hey @Surfs-Up-88 ,

Great to have you here. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. It sure sounds lonely. What is interesting though, is that you actually WANT to have people to connect with.

I often hear people say they feel lonely, but they actually don't feel able to go out and connect with people.

So for you, it's a little different. You also mentioned that people slowly feel away as you became sober. Does that mean they were more 'beer friends'?

What does the term 'friend' mean to you?

Why I'm asking is that I don't have any 'friends', but I'm totally okay with that. I interact with those I have to, and that's that. Hence I'm asking what 'friends' mean to you.

In response to: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Unfortunately, that is how we progress through Adulthood. I lost my friends one by one too as we were growing up. I used to have 1 Best Friend and now she won't even talk to me even though I'm saving the humiliation by making extra effort to rekindle our friendship. For some reason, she doesn't want any human interaction.

I'm so lonely too. I'm grieving for the son I can't have. I surround myself with children's belongings because I so lonely I go into imagining that I have a son!

Loneliness can really deteriorate you. Friendships is the saviour.

I don't have any friends to be my saviour.

In response to: Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I found that there is a bit of a transition with youth and adulthood. Your teenage friends often fall away and you start mingling with other people.

It sure took me many years to get used to the difference between adulthood and teenagehood @FearofUnknown @Surfs-Up-88

Some activities I get into are through my local library. They have LIbraries After Dark programs, maker space programs, book clubs etc.

I've also been to my community hub where they have crat sessions, dance, yoga, boxing etc. All these are free of charge.

Whilst certain clubs and meetups might not suit you, maybe there's more out there @FearofUnknown @Surfs-Up-88 ? What are you interested in?

In response to: Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I'm really sorry that you're carrying this deep loneliness @FearofUnknown

You deserve support and meaningful connection, friendship and love. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it is very possible to build new fulfilling friendships again. We're here with you💓

In response to: Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I've tried to have a Pen Pal again and even subscribed to an app to do that. I've also tried dating apps only to realise that men don't want friendships with women first before progressing onto love. I'm tried my Community Health Centre but they can't help with organising activities or other ways to socialise.

Forums has always been my way to connect with other people. Since high school, I've always felt most confident when I am socialising on Forums. SANE is my only hope now because the Forum I was previously on has closed down.

I looked into Beyond Blue's Forum today and it is just not the same as here. Here you recognise names instead of faces. That brings me great joy!

In response to: Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

How are you going tonight @Surfs-Up-88 ? Thinking of you.

In response to: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Hey @Surfs-Up-88

Well done getting and staying sober!

If chess and board games are what you're interested in maybe you can find an online club you can vs people in chess and board games? While it may not be face to face or 'real life'it may still help you pass the time and interact with people.

In response to: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Thanks everyone for getting back to me. I've had a few busy days and wasn't able to reply.

One comment asked what I see as a friend.

I see a friend as someone that I can see in person who cares what I have to say and genuinely wants to hear about my hobbies and I can tell them what I like about theirs and the hobbies we have in common.

Who isn't there to manipulate me but just genuinely wants someone to talk and see occasionally as well.

Who doesn't ignore messages or phone calls and if they can't respond to hust be honest. I'm not one who messages a lot maybe 3 times a week lol not expecting 50 messages a day.

I find it so hard to go to any events because of my issues with chronic pain but a visit from a friends or visiting them once a week would be nice and not to much for my body to handle.

Also the sober part, I really thought the people I had in my life were more than "beer buddies" but I see more and more now that they were(or I was for them) which has been really painful as I really did think it was more than that.

As with board games and I'm a big reader I like the idea of library clubs but the chronic pain I'm hoping can give me a chance soon to try them out.

I do have people who text me but when I want to see them they go missing and always have a reason not to see me.

I notice a lot of people don't like to catch up unless you are doing an activity but I think a real friend would be happy to have you over for an hour or two just to chat about life, share a coffee and hell even play some games. But the people I know are only intersted in activities I can't take part of due to my body or drinking.

Again I'm hoping things can change a little with my pain and eventually I can attend som clubs and events to meet new people.

Its just so rough waiting for that time.

Thankyou all so much for reaching out xx

In response to: Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Not even a visit once a week. A visit 2 monthly would be nice, 6 monthly even. Anything 😞

In response to: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

Re: I need a friend. I'm so lonely and tired :'(

I hear you. Unless you're performing, it's really hard to relate. I started noticing people drifting away from one another a long time ago, as more and more technology was implemented to make people and systems run more efficiently. Privacy laws began to shape behavior in subtle ways. Couples started sitting further apart in waiting rooms, whereas once they would have sat together, supporting each other and regularly attending one another's appointments. That might sound old school, and depending on your age, it may not resonate. But contrast that with the shift from reading together in bed to raising children not just on tablets, but in child minding centers.

For all the whiz bang tech and entertainment at one's beck and call, society could not be more divided. If you don't fit in, there is always a service ready to highlight your impairment and keep your focus fixed on it. [edited by mdoerator]

I had better pull up here. It is hard to find the words when you know we are constantly being monitored or isolated based on how we express. On that front, life in Australia could not feel more oppressive. [edited by moderator] Point in case. But hey, I refuse to be silenced in my isolation. Each to their own, I guess.

But yeah... loneliness is an epidemic and the bright shiny responses can make that feel even more despairing than it already is.

I play a lot of video games and making meaningful connections there, whilst just as through with pretense, I'd say it does help from time to time. I no longer attend facilities as I did pre NDIS. I already explained how the nature of those interactions changed. If you are younger and do not have the hindsight that I am basing my perspective on, perhaps taking on such services might do you good.

Although nearing sixty myself, I feel more like ninety. Arrrgghh...

I use a treadmill in my room like I am on a space station. That is more my pain relief. I venture into the sun in my backyard but dare not go out in public. I no longer have the tolerance level to sustain that act. A small rowing machine that although not a commercial one, I find works as well as the treadmill. It stands up and fits in a corner. I have an air bike that works my legs and arms... that snaps me out of it from time to time. Although I have weights, benches and a cage, I no longer lift as heavy as I once did, nor do I do a full routine. But lifting a few dumbbells and playing with other likewise trinkets lets me know I am still alive.

Human interaction hey? Hmmmm... it scares the hell out of me. Yet maybe just one or two people we can get to know is still a good thing. This I still know. Shame we live in a system that rotates everyone so there is little chance to really get to know anyone. Employment goes through people like that nowadays as well.

Sorry if you can't relate... I'm used to it. The isolation is yet the same for most of us. That does not discriminate. Oh... and it should be ok to share in a way that does not light up the room. Sadly, if not doing so, one is quickly prescribed for that too.

We can always make friends with ourselves, once we stop being highlighted and focusing on what we have supposedly been doing wrong.

Oh ... I meant to say that while what you're going through might feel wrong, it's actually a natural response to living in a toxic society, one that cashes in on suffering. This is why things don't change. China, for example, has a system that's more about the collective. Here, it's more about isolating individuals with all kinds of plans that frame them as problems in need of fixing. It's more about the economy than the people.

Those who fit in simply stick to the script. They're the ones getting around in groups, playing along. I don't care who agrees. I'm not here for validation, even though the algorithm would otherwise try to influence. But for those in control running the show, influence is everything, hence the checks and balances ... or restraints.

1 - 10 of 29