Hey @Saints
Dealing with a diagnosis like this is incredibly taxing, and feeling caught between your daughter's autonomy and her urgent medical needs is a heavy burden to carry.
I can only imagine how incredibly difficult and heart-wrenching this must be for you and your family. It's clear how much you love her, and that feeling of powerlessness when an adult child resists the help they need is exhausting and saddening.
It makes sense that she's feeling scared and having second thoughts. Stepping into treatment is a huge leap, and it can be quite overwhelming. Even if she is over 18 and technically in the driver's seat, your steady presence and refusal to give up on her are perhaps her strongest safety nets.
Something I recommend trying is asking her curious questions to explore why she's feeling the way she is, which might make her more comfortable and brave to go ahead with treatment (e.g., "What is the scariest part about going?" rather than "Why won't you go?").
And while no one can force her, you can set boundaries about what you and your family can support at home if she chooses not to seek professional help.
I highly recommend having a look at the Butterfly Foundation for support and resources for Eating Disorders.
Sending you all strength as you, your family and daughter navigate this journey; I'm hoping she finds the courage to take that step.