Lonely trying to fit in

Hi @Whaledone1234

It sounds like you're navigating a very human, albeit confusing, emotional landscape. You aren't "bad" for enjoying that connection; it's completely natural to crave validation and the feeling of being seen, especially when life feels isolated.

I can hear how much you're struggling with the 'emptiness' right now. It sounds like that connection provided a safe harbour for you to be vulnerable, and losing that is a real grief.

The fact that you were honest about your identity shows a lot of integrity. It's totally normal to crave that intimacy again, but you're right, returning to a dynamic that isn't authentic to you will only make the loneliness deeper in the long run. It is very heavy to feel you have to choose between your truth and your connection to others. Please give yourself some credit; you handled a confusing situation with a lot of honesty and kindness.

The isolation that you are feeling right now is real, but it is temporary. It is a sign that you have a lot of heart to give, and now that you know what kind of appreciation you need, you can eventually find it in a way that aligns with who you truly are.

@MatchaToad thank you so much. Such a kind and thoughtful response.

This part "returning to a dynamic that isn't authentic to you will only make the loneliness deeper in the long run" really speaks to me. I haven't been able to put it into words but yes, that is spot on.

As a child I went through a lot and rather than seek help I just tried to hide my emotions as this would affect my loved ones. It was like approval only came when I was happy, strong and confident. Through this I learnt approval from others is more important than my happiness or being my authentic self.

@Whaledone1234

I'm so glad that resonated with you. It sounds like you've just made a really powerful connection between your past and your present.

It makes so much sense why you'd seek out that validation, even if it felt 'off' - as a child, you learned that safety and love were tied to your performance (which I can deeply relate to myself) rather than your truth. That is such a heavy burden for a little kid to carry, and it is completely natural that those old survival habits are still trying to protect you today by seeking approval at any cost.

Recognising that pattern is a huge first step toward breaking it. You're essentially re-learning that you deserve to be seen and valued for who you actually are, not just for the version of you that makes other people comfortable. Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this - unlearning a lifelong habit takes time and practice.

Hi @Whaledone1234 ,

We're hearing you. Thank you for taking the time to connect with the community here. Your feelings are valid and it's understandable you are feeling a sense of loss with what has happened.

As humans, we are created to feel wanted and a sense of belonging now matter where we are.

As you said, you know the connection wasn't healthy, yet you cannot help but feel a sense of loss and void when it was gone.

I wonder if you can think of something or some one who can replace some of that loss at this time?

Also, please remember to be kind to yourself. It may take some time to ride out this grief, but we believe in you.

We are here for you.

@tyme thank you so much. It's a great community and I am glad to be a part of it.

How are you going @Whaledone1234 ?

Do you have much on this weekend?

I recognise it may be a bit lonely at the moment, so I wanted to pop in to see how you're going.

Hey @tyme thank you for reaching out. I'm good thank you. I hope you're well too.

I'm never actually alone. Live with family, so it's not so much that I am alone but that I feel lonely or that I can't connect. I have a psych appointment coming up so that usually helps.

I hope that by being on the forums, it can fill some of that loneliness and void @Whaledone1234 I know first hand how difficult that space can be.

What do you like doing in your free time? Any hobbies?

@Whaledone1234 Welcome to the forum. I have found that I have made some great connections with people who are non-judgmental, caring and supportive.

Do you have any interest or hobbies? We have different spaces where we discuss different topics, so if we know some of your interests or hobbies, we can direct you to the discussion space and meet up with more people.

I am interest in coin collection and I own a cat, so there is a space for coin discussions where I let people know what coins are going to be released or I just show fellow coin enthusiasts what recent coin purchases I have made etc. We also have a space for cat lovers where we can share photos of our furry friends. I will tag in a few people who can hopefully help some discussions form.

@AlwaysMyself @avant-garde @Blackcloud @Bow @Bunniekins @Chasingsunsets @Cuddlebear @Dimity @DownMoreThanUp@Emelia8 @ENKELI @Faith-and-Hope @GezzaP @Glisten @Harmonium @heartathome @Jacques @Judi9877 @Kashmina @lonemushroom @Meowmy @NightFury @Oaktree @PeppyPatti @rav3n @REDLINEZ750 @RiverSeal @Rosepetal96 @Ru-bee @Shaz51 @SmilingGecko @Snowie @Sophia1 @StuF @TAB @tyme

Hey @Mustang67

I'm interested in golf, 4x4ing, old cars, surfing, bike riding, exploring the bush, DIY, video games.

I guess I'd say I'm in between hobbies at the moment. Very difficult to find motivation to do any of the things I used to enjoy. I actually get quite frustrated when I just can't find joy in doing things I once loved.