@DahliaDreams you're talking all kinds of relatable sense there! 😊 although of course I am sorry that this has also been your experience. But I am really encouraged that you have been able to pause and think about it and reflect and realise that the things you are doing are perhaps not the things your body/mind need you to be doing right now. 😍
I like the article you found - that is indeed the idea of 'Behavioural Activation', and yes for most depressions it works. But I do note (and the reason I liked this article you found) that is also notes about how doing the right thinks for what you need is important - and centring it around your values.
It can be so hard to go against what society generally "says" people should do / aim. And for me, even harder to do things that go against what some psychology recommends for "typical" depression (where as mine has not been typical).
Where I believe this approach isn't quite so helpful (to me) is with chronic severe anhedonia. After some chats with AuntGlow around this she shared an interesting article with me, and I started a thread about it Recovering from severe chronic anhedonia -- because that's an inter-related part of my path this year. I do not experience the "positive feeling" when doing things that previously might have brought some positive feeling -- and I kept doing these things because that is what CBT (including behavioural activation) says to do for depression, along with all the things that society says I should be doing too! And just like you said -- burnout.
@DahliaDreams wrote:
I have been very focused on functioning over feeling my entire life. This all came about due to a complex set of life circumstances, where I suppose that basically, I was always 'rewarded' for getting things done and being productive. As I suppose we all are to some degree. There may be cultures that don't reward productivity, but I think ours does.
So... I think that maybe for me, the big problem was that I was doing things and achieving things that other people valued, rather than the things I innately valued within my own little soft heart.
And to go out and genuinely find the things that I value within myself when no-one is telling me what I should be doing is really scary and just plain hard. I suppose this is about identity.
Hence, I was always in chronic burn-out and very anxious.
I suppose that if I was in therapy (which I'm on the long waiting list for) then I would expect the therapist wouldn't focus on something like 'behavioural activation' without first exploring the things I genuinely want to do, rather than things that look acceptable for an outsider looking in - like work, or volunteering, or exercising. I think I've proven I can do all that sh*t but perhaps it just wasn't the right sh*t for me.
Our society, generally & traditionally, does reward/value "productivity". And there are benefits of that in ways, I'm not saying there isn't. But I do think that a lot of our culture/society does not recognise that there are times when people need to be non-productive or productive in a different way to the traditional sense -- especially in ill health.
We would never expect a leg-amputee without a prosthetic to compete in a marathon (unless they wanted to!) and if they did - we'd accept that it would be quite suitable for them to compete against others with similar physical challenges (and hence the Paralympics - right?)
... but do we treat mental ill health the same way...? Well, I like the think society is starting to recognise this as more people are speaking up about their experiences. For all the unfortunate things about the covid pandemic, I think it has improved/raised awareness of mental health. I see and hear a lot more about looking after mental health in pop-culture now that I did before.
I am curious (but always OK to not answer! never any pressure) if you experience positive feelings when you do do things that align with your values -- whether they be small or big things?
If you'd like to share about what those values are and what things you'd like to do that would align to them, you are 100% welcome to (but again, no pressure or expectation to).
My core values are around authenticity, caring, and friendships. When I first noticed my MH declining faster a few years ago I realised I had no sense of connection to people or purpose/meaning - my friends lived outside my region and we rarely had times to chat due to their busy lives (children and/or work) so I had lost the sense of connection and being able to share and support them through their ups and downs. I knew this was important for me, so I looked into ways I might be able to find the ability to do that -- and thus started volunteering in a youth mentoring program which aligned with my values around supporting youth early to build resilience and "get in early" to build these skills and/or link them in with supports for existing mental illness concerns.
Unfortunately I didn't feel the "positive" emotions/rewards from doing the volunteer work, but I knew it aligned with my values and I could see the positive impact it had on the youth I mentored so I kept doing it. In "normal" depression - this would trigger the pleasure/reward cycle -- that's the aim of behavioural activation. But sometime we get beyond that zone and that pleasure/reward doesn't trigger even for things we do value. However, as long as I had the physical energy to do the volunteer mentoring, it wasn't a negative thing for me and that is also really important.
For context, I have had moderate-severe depression since childhood; 25 years. Not episodical. Chronic melancholy with additions extra-depressed phases. Through-out the past 25 years I kept going to school, going to work, eating, showering, socialising, etc etc etc. As well as very frequent psychotherapy/counselling for the first 10 years of it. There was one year in the middle of this timeframe where things were so so bad that my mother suggested I should take a year off working to allow myself to focus on my health. This of course going against everything my general education taught about being expected to work and financially support myself (I had already declined my university offer at this time due to my health - something also that went against what I had been 'taught' at school). The good news it that year off (well, actually, I did still work 1 day a week and also did an online diploma and did increase work hours again later that year) did halt things declining, and did give me some space to re-engage a bit more with life and I improve from where I was at. But of course I felt I was then expected to be able to go back to working and supporting myself. And guess what? Yep, it started to decline again constantly over the years since.
It has taken me a whole year to agree to take time off working and "supporting myself" financially, because of the pressures and expectations that I perceive society and even family and friends have around working if you are physically able to - no matter the cost to your health or wellbeing. I am so so lucky my mother has been encouraging me to take time off work and offering to support me during that -- I don't think I would be doing that this year if she wasn't. but it is what I need if i am to improve. And the hardest think for me yet may be if I have to learn to accept that I can't (sustainably) work a regular job because of my mental health and fatigue. And then learning what that looks like for life -- finding adhoc/variable work opportunities that align with my values (possibly even only volunteer work unpaid if that is all that it suitable). Giving back to the community aligns with my values, so I am sure that it would involve some aspect of "helping people", even if it is as simple as stopping to chat to homeless/lonely/isolated people (who want to talk to someone) when I see them around places.
I hope that makes a bit of sense. Sorry I tend to write "essay-length" posts lol. Please don't feel pressured to read it all - or respond to it all (or within any timeframe).
