The me no one knows - SI warning

@AlwaysMyself Hello my friend. How are you feeling today?

Yes the biopsy was very good news. I have public dental Friday first appointment. My teeth are a disaster and it won’t be good news. Worst thing is I had a very awful experience at dentist as a child so now I’m petrified of them. I also have had very poor quality service in public dental and am not looking forward to it at all. In March I have vascular surgeon to check the peripheral artery disease. This is always a very difficult appointment as the patient really has no way of knowing whether things are steady or new clots have formed or current clots have grown and require surgery. It’s a scary disease and people have many many surgeries to stay alive. However at least I have a private surgeon who’s agreed to bulk bill and treat me in surgery bulk billed with his team for life. It’s rare. But it’s nice to have trust in him. He treats me with dignity and respect.

I really do want to be on forums. It’s a place I’ve made decent friends and I can support people too. I also really appreciate the support and understanding from the forum family.

It’s a hot day here today so I’m indoors. Poor Wilbur doesn’t get to work today as too hot. I wish a had a place that had space for him to at least play inside or go for a play early morning a yard. Is it still hot in your part of the woods?

It’s a beautiful thought about the poster. You’re a very generous and kind person. You are so good at understanding what people might need.

Not heard of that author @Jynx or read any books by that author.

titles do grab my attention.

Might have to do sone research at some stage

whats Discworld?

@Captain24 Words about not feeling welcome on this thread hurt and surprised me. Hurt me to read you think I would ignore you on purpose. Hurt me to read you think you are not welcome to post on this thread, if you want to.

When Im really struggling I don’t talk about it on the forums. Have posted recently on this thread where I’ve been and am still mood wise. I don’t have anything left in me to support anyone. I’m even struggling trying to have non MH chats on here.

if I’m deemed as being selfish due to only focusing on me each day and trying to get through each day, I don’t care. I need to do what I think is right for me.

Not wanting to do this. Thinking it’s probably best for me and everyone if I’m not on the forums for awhile.

cant say or do anything wrong again that way

I wasn’t going to respond to this but I feel I need to. I didn’t respond to your earlier post either. Yes I saw it before you deleted it. @Flutterbug9

Not once have I called you selfish.

With posting I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation you and always myself were having. I know it wasn’t private but you had an understanding with each other. I was trying to be polite and not intrude until the conversation was less personal between you both. I’m sorry that me being polite had upset you.

If you want to take time off the forums that don’t blame me. I haven’t said anything bad or had any tone. If I felt that I would never post it. I would keep quiet. I have members that I don’t really like and I just ignore them. They have learnt not to post on the other thread. I would never be rude.

I use the word you don’t like a lot but I have taken your feelings into consideration and use ‘despise’ instead. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have changed my wording. But take it how you will.

@Captain24

Regardless how many people I’m having chats with on here, if you wish to join in the conversation if you wish.

understanding now what you were saying about respecting our space (or something like that), you don’t need to. I do understand though. I see the chats between you and Dreamy and don’t want to interrupt

though you felt you won’t be welcome.

Hoping you always know and feel you are welcome to join ant chat, regardless of the context of the chat

different topic

Binders, this is best description I’ve read

Selfish …. Uuummm

i mentioned the word selfish in recent post in a generic sense ie to everyone and anyone

im tired of everything @Captain24 including life. I’m safe

last year some time I last got more than couple hrs sleep at a time. Some nights, I’m getting 3 or 4 hrs sleep. Constantly on verge of tears and/or in tears on regular basis. June before I have initial appt with psychiatrist, have already advised in new patient form Im hoping for reassessment of current meds.
currently feeling like everything I do and say with everyone I either cause problems or get myself in trouble. Feel I can’t do anything right anymore. Been like this on and off since late last year.

Aww @Flutterbug9 ,

Sitting with you. I can relate to your post. That feelings that everything you put your hand to just goes wrong for some reason.

Can I say something that wasn't 'wrong'? When I saw your post and username pop up, YOU made me smile - now that's not 'wrong', right?

Keep being you.

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@Flutterbug9 wrote:

Not heard of that author @Jynx or read any books by that author.

titles do grab my attention.

Might have to do sone research at some stage

whats Discworld?

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@Flutterbug9 oh you're in for a treat! So the 'Discworld' series is one of (if not THE) most popular books by Pratchett. It's multiple series of books (with different story arcs and characters) set in a mythical universe, where the world is a disc, not a globe, and it sits atop four giant elephants, that stand atop the back of a giant sea turtle gliding through space. Which sounds pretty ridiculous... and it is.... haha

Honestly I think the concept put me off the series at first... It seemed a bit too camp/nonsensical and so I wrote the series off entirely. Lately I've been following a meme account on another platform and the person kept posting these incredible quotes from the books, so it piqued my curiosity!

Because it's an anthology (many stories taking place in the same world but not necessarily connected together) there's multiple places you can start - here's a guide! (Just FYI that is a link to Reddit, because the picture was too big to upload here. I can try to find a smaller file size if you'd prefer not to go offsite).

Oh boy, feels like I have a new special interest coming on with this series.... Yay! 😝

@Cuddlebear

I know it doesn't always help with the emotion from the trauma, but in case it helps with self-talk ideas:

• The dentist you get on Friday won't the one you had as a child

Is there something you can say (or write to give them) when you arrive to explain the things you need to not happen and what you would like them to do instead based on your past experience?

e.g. "Please make sure to explain to me what is happening, what I should expect to experience today, and what I can do if I do not understand or if I am concerned about things, or if I am in pain. Please make sure to check with me directly that I understand and heard and do not 'assume' that I heard if I do not respond." or

"When you speak to me, please make sure you are within x-meters of me, that there is not background noise/voices/machines, and that you are within my field of vision which is (show space)."

(Just an example I know from some Deaf people 😊 around missing what is happening or not having doctors explain it because of communication barriers.)

If it's a bad experience (which I hope it is not though!), and you'd like to have a voice to put in feedback on how they could improve their services, especially with accessibility/disability-support, know that I would love to help and support you in that way if desired.

Your surgeon though, sounds an amazing and caring person!! 😍 (And I hope the dental staff on Friday are like him too!). I hope the appointment with them goes well, and hopefully there are no current clots or causes for concern, but I hope that there is peace of mind to know that if there is - they will be checking to see and then you can do something about it to prevent it being a life-threatening sudden event.

I really wish there were indoor aircon dog runs too! I know of one cafe in my area which is indoors in a shopping centre that dogs are allowed to go to. I think its a bit of a loophole in the Australian laws around non-service-dogs at an indoor food/drink venue... because it's an open-plan cafe inside a shopping centre, the cafe does not "have 4 walls" to enclose it 😉. Dogs are allowed into this part of the centre because there is a pet store 😋 and even the other 2 big stores in this section have signs up saying dogs on lead are welcome 😍. But its the only indoors place I know of that I can take my dogs if it is hot - and of course it is on-lead only, they can't play or run around. We can walk in circles though haha. But they get to meet people and get pats 😊.

Today should be a nice cool day for us, after yesterday was very hot and overnight clouds trapped the heat. It was minimum of 20 overnight, and today is a max of 26 lol.

@Jynx @Flutterbug9 I know of the Discworld books - my cousin and my sister loved them. But I have not read them myself (yet?). I love that someone has made a visual map of where the books all sit in chronology for reading order if desired. 😍. I looked up and did this type of 'sequence' of reading with another fantasy author who has multiple trilogies set in the same or related worlds - Raymond Feist books. Otherwise you know things from other books that are "in the future" and spoil the story of other ones! lol. Thats my brain at least.