The me no one knows - SI warning

@Cuddlebear @AlwaysMyself

hope these help to brighten day

@Flutterbug9 i like the hair style 🥰😍.

I have short hair. Not quite that short, but i used to have it layered similar to that - but the back was still down to bottom of my ear lobes.

Wondering what you were hoping your friend would say via SMS?

More of an "understand and embrace/celebrate" rather than just "understand"?

How did things go this afternoon about the peer support group you were enquiring about? @AlwaysMyself

how have you been feeling and coping etc with the meds taper?

any thoughts/ideas of things you might get involved with this coming year? Gaining new knowledge? Maintaining or expanding current knowledge? Learning new hobbies?

if do post with updates/info and tag others, possible to tag me also? Less typing that way

my afternoon turned out to be quite enjoyable. Trying to get the grey matter working to find answers for trivia questions wasn’t that successful. Lots of laughs between everyone who was there.

@AlwaysMyself @Cuddlebear due to few things I’m not going to be on the forums as often as I have been. Atm no idea when I will next be on, might be days, weeks or longer

@Cuddlebear Sorry to read that you feel you can no longer talk due to concerns of upsetting or triggering me

Will try to be more careful with things I say moving forward

@Flutterbug9 hope you are taking care. Se ding hugs. Glad that trivia was lots of laughs - sometimes when the brain doesnt quite get the right answer can be way better than if it got the right answer. 😆🥰. We all need some comic relief in life!

No need to reply, as i know you will be absent for awhile. Take your time and make sure to put what you need first. Know i will always support you in being healthy to yourself.

I didnt interpret @Cuddlebear 's post as meaning it was something you said, but rather that they didnt want to say something about how they are which might cause a trigger (because they care for you). 😊

Happy to tag you in my general updates, but also being aware to not tag you if i think it might exacerbate your fears. *hugs*

You got the real-time posts today rather than the end-of-day summary lol. The movie premier perhaps? Lol.

Will find out in 1-2 days what supports they can offer/refer (incl if they offer the peer support group). So by Friday end i should hear back.

But talking to them helped me de-stress from the emotional morning and feeling of pain/despair at the situation of not having suitable supports at the time of day i need them. At the very least it made this evening easier.

Stepping away is not my preference and is hurting @AlwaysMyself, in tears whilst typing. stepping away for benefit of both you and @Cuddlebear Stepping away as both of you have said about worrying about saying things in case might trigger me. thank you both for thinking of me.

know how easy it can be to trigger someone without intending. I know I said about wording about SI triggered me. It was only that one post. Not before and not since. Wish I never said it now. Wish I could take back the words. as my hubby used to say, “never assume as makes an ass of u and me play on the spelling)”. Trying to avoid things that MIGHT trigger me, appreciate your thoughts, not necessary though. It’s having type of opposite effect. know you both care, that’s why it was so painful to write that message earlier plus this message. I enjoyed our chats and I miss the ones we used to have. trying to “protect me” (for lack of other words), it’s having opposite effect. I’ve been getting feelings of Deja vue which are far from pleasant. @AlwaysMyself, your post helps explain feelings ive been getting of partially being excluded

feel I’m taking far too much of your time due to my posts few days ago. Feeling guilty that my decision to do the posts has and is costing you and others time. Flow through being impact on others on the forums plus you, your time and your health. Really regret those 2 posts now. My thoughts had only been to put everything in one post, instead of scrambled bits and pieces. Never intended any of the flow through to happen

feeling like causing both you and Cuddlebear additional stress and upsets.

neither of you need that

sincere spologies if this has caused hurt or distress. Only trying to clear up current misunderstands

Oh. No no no hun, @Flutterbug9 . I will 100% keep tagging you in those posts about me if that is what YOU want 🥰. I just misunderstood about your preference for whether or not to avoid mentioning the SI *because i care so much about you and really like chatting with you*!

You have in no way caused me distress. I've been seeking supports actively for my SI for 18 months in my local system, and each time it has basically been "unless you plan to S within 2 weeks (or have just made an attempt) we cannot help you / have any supports" for SI. They have a residential non-clinical that teaches behavioural activation that was offered this time (but not a year ago, when it would have helped as respite at that time) - but it is not apprpriate when burnt-out from "doing" and not what i need currently.

Aww hun biggest of hugs ever.

I love your long posts 🥰. And i have loved getting to know you more this past week or so. I would love that to continue. I've just had a really hard time 3 out of 5 past days which has reduced my capacity to be able to sit and type -- and also because it has meant i was only on my phone and not my laptop. As you saw, i feel able to post any length responses to you - even if i cant type about everything at once --- e.g. when i saw the photo of your hairstyle plan 🤩 and i knew it was OK to just respond to that at the time if thats my capacity at that exact moment of time. 🥰 and i really really wanted (not onligation!!!) to support you in it quickly since your friends response was less comforting for you.

@Flutterbug9 Hello lovely how are you today?

I want to reassure you that I love speaking to you. I very much want to continue speaking to you here and there’s nothing you’ve done at all. My post was just so I didn’t upset you but it’s done the opposite and I’m sorry. I’ll continue to talk openly and you can decide what you feel like responding to.

Please don’t withdraw I love our chats and you have been amazing here.

@Flutterbug9 Guess who is on their laptop? Yep, I am!

I love mens Pjs. Waayy more roomy & comfy. Trackie pants all the way too and t-shirts. I remember as a teen feeling semi-conscious when looking at the males section of the stores at t-shirts and pants. And of course t-shirts can only be the sizes that are larger because they need to accommodate for female parts that aren't designed to allow for lol. But since I like loose shirts that worked fine for me. plus the males tended to have larger sizes comparatively too, so I was more likely to find something that fit me. 20 years later I am so used to it that it does not bother me at all lol. I would only feel awkward if I were looking at the men's undies I reckon. Socks, shoes, shirts, pants -- no worries.

I do own 1 nightie! I was given it by my grandma lol. I very rarely wear it, but it is really thin/light, so on a very hot night sometimes i do. I like shorts and tee.

@Flutterbug9

TW: SH

Time to start my palak paneer preparations - but plan to come back to forums between steps.