The me no one knows - SI warning

@Flutterbug9 I promise you that there will come the day that you are happy to have woken up. Until that day comes we will hold on to one another. You are honestly precious and I can relate to the SI. You can talk to me openly and without worry about what you say.

You are not alone Flutterbug. We are here. We’re real humans and we care about you.

@Flutterbug9 Even on my absolutely lowest of days, I always forced myself out of bed to feed my cats. It didn't matter if I didn't want to eat, no appetite in sight, they needed me.

They deserve the world, but for some weird reason I won't ever know they picked me. Picked me to be their guardian, mother and friend. They can be on the other side of the house, fast asleep or looking out the window, and I can still feel their love.

They were the only reason I stayed in this world, because while my family might love me: my babies NEED me. And I figured if I wanted them to receive a fraction of all they deserved, I should care for myself a bit better. It's really hard to open cat food sachets when you haven't bothered eating anything in days apparently.

There are still days that feel like backsliding closer to that deep, dark pit; times when I chew my fingernails bloody or breakdown randomly, sobbing on the floor. But I eventually pick myself up again, usually helped by my boy Orion come to comfort me. Luna demands snuggle sessions daily, purring loud enough I'm surprised there aren't noise complaints.

Thank you for being here for not only your babies, but yourself. I hope you can have a relaxing day, filled with snuggles and love ❤️

@AnnoyedSheDevil If I only you could care for yourself the way you care for your cats, especially with eating. Please don't starve yourself! All it takes is to open a sachet to feed a cat but all it takes is a flip and you could fry and egg to feed yourself.

I'm not sure if I am making sense. Please don't have SI; it makes us all worried.

@FearofUnknown Thankfully the not eating is in the past for me. I was going through a very stressful time almost a year ago and had no appetite. I would still force myself to have at least 1 thing a day, usually rice or an apple, but some days I could barely force myself out of bed.

I still have occasions where I'm not hungry, but have actually really improved my diet and try to eat at least 2 regular meals a day. I was overweight and while I definitely don't recommend doing fasting without medical guidance; cutting down on my intake and exercising helped me not only lose weight, but it helped my mental health and motivation.

Things have continued to improve now to the point that I have a new job. Next year is going to have low points, but they aren't going to drag me down into that pit. I've been building myself back up from scratch and have a solid foundation under my feet now.

Thank you for your message and kindness, I love this community. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a bright new year ❤️

Hey @Flutterbug9

I just want to check in and see how today is unfolding for you?

I am thinking of you and hope that you may have found even a little piece of peace. If you haven’t that’s ok too. Just know that someone is thinking of you today.

@Cuddlebear @AlwaysMyself @MissGremlin @NightFury @Chasingsunsets

I’m feeling it best to move all our chats to this thread.

as Captain has said, no one owns any thread. Saying that, the “I can’t cope” thread, I only see tonight, was commenced by Captain few years ago. To me, it’s her thread. Not saying anything to Captain, dont feel would be any benefit in doing so for anyone.

hope everyone understands

Thank you for re-tagging me over here @Flutterbug9 . I see I was tagged on 24 Dec but somehow did not see it / email notification --- sorry!! I don't have time tonight to back-read - but I am going to mentally mark this to back-read when I can (be it tomorrow or next week, because I WANT to).

I have been missing so many tags these past few weeks I think. My system with checking the emails only doesn't seem to be working too well 😬. Thankfully I hope people here know me enough to know it is not intentional, and give me the grace to let me know and re-tag me. 😊

@Flutterbug9 i understand and thankyou for tagging me over here.

How are you going sweet?

I’ve turned off email notification @AlwaysMyself for few reasons

- email notification doesn’t always work (or work fully)

- I get enough emails from other places due to not being in my emails more than couple times a week

- too many places for getting notifications leaves me feeling overwhelmed

following chats with you and cuddle bear my head knows you will both reply when you can. Next step is trying to get my anxiety to listen to my head. Nothing you or anyone can do to help different than you already are. Just one of the things that’s me I have to deal with. Good one to add to my goals for next psychologist appointment

@Flutterbug9 I'm glad your brain knows it even if your anxiety-brain doesn't always remember it. 😊 I'm happy to remind your anxiety-brain as many times as it needs/wants. 😊

I think I might need to check my notification settings for the website-version and see if I can edit them to only show when I am tagged. That would help. Then I could still get the email notifications for subscribed-threads posts to read if I have extra time, but not get muddled into my tag-specific one.