General chit chat

Hi Niqua

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@Niqueeta1 wrote:

. I think in real life you can't say the word 'love' unless your family or intimately involved with a person. It seems the word love equates to sex in most peoples minds. I think I felt like I 'got away' with it here, that people here understood that saying I liked them didn't express how strong a feeling I had. I felt like a big bubble inside me, expanding and rising; glowing because it was so full of joy.

I have never been at all upset by anything you have said - but about the word "love" - yes - it is bandied about and what on earth do people mean when they say it. Perhaps many people do equate love with sex - I don't - sex is no longer part of my life but love very much is - how I love my daughter and grand-daughter - and on the rare occasions I see them - I love my son-in-law's grandchildren - all seven of them - I have a wonderful family

But we can love our friends - and on-line friends as well - and that big bubble of joy is real - I understand what you are writing about here

Loneliness is a dark and empty place for me, I don't believe I choose it, I feel like I don't have a choice. Here I felt I could be myself, express how I felt without judgement, because nobody really knows me.

I don't think anyone chooses loneliness - it happens when we find ourselves alone - after I seperated from my then-h I had a beautiful unit with bay-views from three rooms and I would go down to the beach on chilly windy evenings and walk along the isolated beach and feel this loneliness - I gradually learned to like it but it took years - maybe I could really write something about the experience

I feel I can write something without judgment because no one really knows me too. The anonymity of the Forum gives me the chance to be more open about my past - but still - there is a lot I hold back - but not really because of the sense of any judgment here but rather I don't want to identify myself to the public I guess - I have no idea who is reading this - but still - about that brick wall

Nobody really knows me in real life either, but that just feels like a brick wall, imprisoning what postivity I have left, I built the walls myself to try and conserve those good feelings - and now I'm trapped.

There is a solid brick wall between me and my siblings and I don't know if I built it or they built it - it goes back into the past and with the family story - back for generations. I need to protect myself from them so this is a good thing - and yet - if they wanted to behave I would have them back in my life - but alas - the last time I saw my brother was at my mother's funeral and afterward I snarled at him for using bad language while intoxicated - I have never snarled like that at anyone else - maybe with him I was the boss of our childhood and we were close - who knows

That wall protects and isolates us at the same time - at the end of Priscilla - Queen of the Desert - I think it was (I'm scratching my head and can't think of his name) yes

"Does the city protect us by closing us in or closing them out" which isn't exactly right - but yes - one thing we need to do is select who we need to protect ourselves from and who we can let in

Feel okay Niqua - you are okay

Dec

@Former-Member

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I really like what you have written here @Former-Member

Dec

I am going for now, please excuse me if I didnt reply to your message. I am using my PC & I am not a fast typer & I am not so good at finding things & messages as yet in chat. Sorry it was not intentional.

I need to go eat I missed my breaky, & am as hungry as a, Woodland Fairy without her fairy food! :

((((((GROUP HUGS)))))

Love Always

Bella xo 🙂

Go and eat your Fairy Good @Former-Member

I sure do understand - it's time for me to eat soon - gotta prepare the salad

It's actually time I did that - and thanks for the posts

Dec

LOVE YOU @Former-Member

Hugs @Owlunar, @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Mazarita, @outlander

yes our cats and dogs are amazing @Owlunar, @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Mazarita

I remember having elipsy for 3 years and very bad depression from the meds for 4 years , my dog was amazing and my cat slept with me every night, when I would have an attack i would need oxygen , one night i had a death experience .

In this time of life I felt i was not here at all , I could always see me laying there sleeping , like i was watching myself

I really like what you have written here @Bella, me toooo my friend

Hello my scottish sister @Mazarita xoxo

Hello @Owlunar, @CheerBear

Hi @Shaz51, bonnie lass.

That sounds like a very scary time in your life that you were describing in the earlier post. Hugs.

How has your day been? It's been another quiet, indoors day here, catching up on sleep I missed last night and doing stuff in between on the computer.

a very scary time in your life -- it was @Mazarita and it seems so far away now , i was hurting myself and my mum didn`t know how to help me , I was still working looking after the children through the week , my weekends were the worse

But in a new part of life now , went food shopping today for my mum and us and my aunty wanted me to get a few things for her too

nice easy day for you my sister , that`s good

got a furneral to go to tomorrow , so will need to take the whole day off for Mr shaz