I had a church Christmas event
I wrote this afterwards
it really does hurt you know
the darkness this time brings
the loneliness, the loss
the families and their kids
singing carols in the park
sure I have my friends
but they all have their families
the pain is worse then
the memories of my childhood
the invasive pictures
the flames from burning candles
setting light to all the leaves
families all around me
that I feel the odd one out
they don't see the hurt
the heart that screams and shouts
I was stupid to have gone
without my best friend at my side
without my sister to make me laugh
without the love that we don't hide
I should have known better
but it's not like they would care
I got triggered by someone
who used my former name
when all my friend said to me
was empty shallow words
not allowing the pain
of what that name had meant
a name that meant defeated
a name that made me run
a name I truly hate
a name that meant beloved
to then have the families
the loneliness and hurt
to have a family that reminds me
of all the things I've lost
alone again at Christmas
with the tears leaking from my eyes
yes there may be people
but the pain? it's inside
