alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

Walking with you @REDLINEZ750 💛

Hey there @REDLINEZ750, I can hear how the change of plans of the program being cut by four weeks has left you feeling a bit unsettled. It’s really good to hear you will be able to talk with your psychologist on Friday. I am thinking of you my friend.

I saw this motorbike recently, I thought of you, I couldn’t walk past it without taking a pic for ya! I really loved the colours of the bike!!

@Chasingsunsets please forgive my absence I only just saw your response, I put something up on another thread and tried to tag everyone in at once but it got taken down.

I think of you indi often and hope you are both well, I'm usually asleep long ago but heavy storm. Tonight saw me put some shorts and a single under a raincoat and walk about wks in thunder and lightning bare foot in all the water that was running ankle deep across the pathways.

No one else wanted to come play kid with me so I just prayed aloud for the experience of it all and got some solid earthing in

I must say that bike you took pics of would of stopped me too I'm pretty sure it's a bmw m1000 something like a 60kj bike it's not the sort of bike you see often so good eye! Let me go find a nice sunset I got recently I will send this before expires as on phone find pic tag you straight into it

 @Chasingsunsets

I took these photos then the sun was just to bright to look at maybe 30sec window max to get the sense of rays shining from a golden crown..I hope you don't mind me posting here not on your page I'm going try address others I have been missing here also, always in oir thoughts Redline n Pooks

@REDLINEZ750 !! Lovely to hear from you, no stress about your absence, all good my friend. How are you going? I think I did see your post before it was removed, I did respond it I am pretty sure.

Aw thanks for thinking of us! We are doing ok! Are you back at home or not yet?
oh big storms keeping you up hey! Lots of rain too hey.

cool to hear about the bike, I just thought it was shiny and a cool colour hehe. I’ll await your sunset pic 😊

They are some cool pics @REDLINEZ750 thanks for sharing!! ☀️

Oh and yes I don’t mind where you post @REDLINEZ750 wherever is comfortable for you 🙏☀️

posting here as im so out of touch with all of your current situations i dont feel right intruding with this in case im missing your own problems at hand.

i have had some triggers in the programme and they have been supportive being its main focus is addiction my mood disorders and ptsd has been triggered a few times making me feel unsafe in certain surroundings after certain interactions have stirred the mans protection of the boy.

they have kept me in programme and worked with me each time not about getting my own way as it has been physical triggers that hindered my ability to return safely.

head can say what you worried about, they only young no lived experience, forget it and strongly believe its thinking however the body is thinking i was bullied and judged and walking out was not defeatism to the opinions of those involved it was actually removing the threat they were unaware of that was already very real for me and when that box is opened i get afraid for the opposite reasons it appears and once its opened or even had the lid shifted the physical trigger cant be dealt with mentally and they understood when i said no matter how strong my frame of mind is my physical trigger will be looking for a reason to protect itself the way it learned to not the way i wish it wouldnt and its not even the people anymore its the whole room it took place in makes me feel unsafe and thats not the man.

the man is dangerously blind to feeling unsafe but fiercely protective of the unsafe boy so basically i risked getting kicked out of tne programme by not attending group when i would of definetly been kicked out of programme if put in a place the boy wasnt safe.

im not a violent person at all i abhore unnecessary violence i am a very reactive person though and i sometimes wish the void still held as before the threshold opened i didnt feel vulnerability and protective like i do now.

rambling on about what makes so little sense thing is i had weekend leave and was in such a hurry to ride they have this leavers meeting you have to sit through which is necessary and part of every friday. it finishes at 2pm. all other duties are complete by 11 am. its different if i got falcon but when im riding im ready to ride as soon as i got kevlar pants riding boots on leather jacket gloves helmet usually means ride so being held up for 2hrs makes my anxiety m ix with excitement of mischief coming once im riding so as soon as meetings over im switching helmet comms to phone puttin g it on running bike while glove up and gone.

they dont give meds till after leavers meeting i left without my ssris and other daily meds and didnt realise till time to take them.

being abstinance programme i was tempted drink to knock me out to repl.ace sleepers but cant and got in bed and got up and f34k (COZ THATS ALLOWED) it i drove back at 3am i returned in gate so im safer here from any fall outs im safer from breaking abstinance or just being agitated and trying to get back with weekend traffic i ran the freeway alone and yeah im back. yeah im safe but im extremely unsettled i havent slept i dont want to deal with anyone i dont have an appetite i miss pooky and i know its my fault but cant help feel pissed they never tried to con tact me as i would of been able see my pharmicist for emergency supply if i knew before 6pm.

i admit its my fault for bein g to anxious to leave but surely the leavers leaders handing out the leavers meds would of noticed i wasnt handed two nights worth and missing two nights is not good as it is im facing concequences from missing one dose although not too serious health wise could be very serious if i become symptomatic over next 72hrs and get kicked out for behavioural issues or just wanting to be alone with my music and sane family.

man that felt selfish to say im sorry but not deleting all i just wrote with one finger typing

not quite the stop and take photo standard but still worth putting in storage @Chasingsunsets @heartathome @AlwaysMyself @Appleblossom

Hello @REDLINEZ750 sweet, I'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now.

Know that we are always here for you. Sending some hugs your way ❤️.