alone where family should have been finds siblings known but never seen

@REDLINEZ750 I will check out the You Say link soon.

Just wanted to let you know, that it is great you were supported to get the driver, and that you got to the rehab. HUGE CONGRATS for going clean and sober, and your commitment to it and your faith and the forum and basic decency. I really like having you around cos there is some no nonsense dinky di quallity about you ... but I might be wrong ... you may not relate to Aussieness ... I tend to have a bit both ways, cos I grew up with more family migrant input, than home grown ... if you know what I mean??? So I try and see the funny side of both side .... actually even more than 2 sides usually ... cos I can riff and be non binary ... and not into dualistic thinking etc etc etc ...We have so many cultures in my actual family. My 2 foster families were more Aussie than my own, and my mum was wary of Aussie mums.

"""re I'm not being unfaithful or idologigistic it just the the 1010 has been so consistent in life my life's direction since 101010 this year"""

So being a good nerd ...

I agree with all posted ... just wanted to add ... Base 10 is our arithmetic system and the Binary system was the origin of computing ... so it is relevant in many ways ...not just Biblical according to AI ... maybe thats why I take it all with a sprinkle or a dash of salt. Pink Himalayan salt ... cos we all need a bit of colour to offset ... too many numbers.

Twas great you are relaxed enough with @heartathome to joke and banter. It can take time to feel one can take the risk to joke ... but it is so important... when done with genuine camaraderie.

@heartathome Love and hugs and I dont mind being swirly girly with you ... does that mean I am slowly starting to heal from my nasty nice girl wounds from child and adulthood?? Thanks for being you.

@DahliaDreams Welcome to the forum. It can take a while to find your style and mix with various threads and people. I recommend starting your own thread to all people. Even though its great to chat on all the range of threads it can be helpful to have a kind of "home thread".

@MissGremlin I am so sorry to hear or your niece's passing. Suicide is one of the most diffcult deaths to cope with and grieve. Take your time and do it your way. Condolence. I do hope she finally can Rest In Peace.

@Cuddlebear havent spoken to you or @MissGremlin much lately. I have had a lot on, but I really do appreciate both of your presences and being on the form.

Hello sweet @Appleblossom, it really is one of the most difficult deaths to cope with but it's not the first time I've gone through losing someone to suicide. Thankyou for always being the amazing you that you are ❤️. Hope things are going ok for you beautiful, always here for you ❤️

Yes, I have lost many to suicide. @MissGremlin 2 siblings, (both Forgotten Australians) 2 uncles (both druggies), but no I am too little and small to have caused it all ,,, it can be family fragmenting as well.

Look after yourself. I felt it important to research a lot of good grief work. It did help. My son's circs are a little related.

Done suicide prevention work on crisis lines in the 1970s, and zoom facilitation and in the last 5 years

Still hard.

Hugs

Talk about it any time.

@Appleblossom I'm sorry to hear about your losses sweet. Sending you love and hugs ❤️.

Thankyou beautiful ❤️.

Thankyou @Appleblossom

I find it funny that we can be swirly girly. If you knew my past, you would laugh too!

I've always been a tom boy (even today). I've had a lot of rage issues in my past. I rode with bikies, and no one would have been game to break through my wall! I wasn't receptive except to the club members. Through school, I sat by myself and as an adult kept everyone away at a distance. I didn't trust anybody!

I was never backwards about being forward and would easily tell someone to F*** off. I had a lot of emotional pain and didn't know how to express it in a health way.

I can only be honest and say that if that's what you see, I've been changed by God! Simple.

My 26-year relationship with my psychiatrist, my long distant partner and my son have also helped me change (which I know God had a big part in, in saving my life)

I didn't verbally speak much to my psych for the first year. I'd write it in my journal and give it to him. I often wouldn't speak about it after he read it either. I used to hate men, didn't trust woman and was more of a feminist.

Overall, I'm amazed that that's where God has brought me to. He has changed my heart. He's making me into a vulnerable, emotional woman, which I've never been! Thank you for letting me know! I'm really happy! 💛

 @REDLINEZ750

Thank you @MissGremlin

Suicide is also known as a disenfranchised grief, as it is not always well supported in the community of the bereaved.

I did do one Support after suicide 6 week course a few years ago. Better late than never I guess.

See what you can find that works for you. We all grieve differently, and over time.

@Cuddlebear Hugs

@DahliaDreams I am not big on faith, but see myself more as a doubting Thomas, but been at it for a long time. Apparently I have excuse, cos when one's early attachment system is damaged young, doubt and certainty are relatively unregulated in the developemtal tasks of . I am allergic to people who are overly certain. It just doesnt ring true for me. I see some humility as an essential part of belief an faith, but many people push the BIG CONVICTION thimgummy ... nowadays I am likely to crack jokes about them being in a prison for bad people, if they dont ease up on all their certainties.

@heartathome Sending love...

@REDLINEZ750 Thank you for the You Say vid

I dont have to put in all the proper quotation marks do I". You get what I mean?

Cant always tell with written communication. Glad the Salvos are doing something good. I saw a beautiful sitcom series on SBS about the British Salvos and have met a few good ones. Cos of my crazy history I also did a lot of silent protests with people who had been in the Salvos at Box Hill Boys Home, which was apparently not very good. So I reserve the right to no longer be naieve and do my drawl ... its a mixed bag, everywhere ya go mate. We just have to keep open, be honest, but also not be played for a fool. If they do good for you. Good. It can help to laugh at oneself, especially among virtue signallers. I do love the Brits for some things. Not total twits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFNc6DKILn0

I am going to get dressed for our Carol Service soon.

Haha @heartathome Love it. It didnt shine through in your poems. You seem like a nice girrrrl, not a nastie pastie. I understand tuff is different, to those who might be more sly. I was more shy.

Remember, I only had a few rides as pillion. Mostly I was the rider and couple times I had a big burly bob on the back of my widdle bike. Nowadays I gotta widdle grand piano and 2 pushbikes in the garage, that dont get used much. Ages and Stages .. hey.

Did you wear a sarong along with your leathers lovely? I mean not exactly at the same time, but ...???

I wasnt a big swearer, cos I had a govt job interacting lots with authority with the public, and had to watch my tongue, but I had heard the lingo ...and was working in one of the nortiest suburbs in Melbourne.

My poems were me being honest with myself and working through stuff @Appleblossom . I just haven't posted them until now. Most of them involve God and/ or my insatiable need for my psychiatrist to step over his boundaries. He never did and he was the first man who 'rejected me'. I'm so grateful to him! It changed a lot within me. I felt like I could trust him a little bit more after each appointment. He's one of the good ones! I'm blessed.

I admire anyone who can ride a bike. Even a kid one is impressive. I never learnt to ride a pushbike. I learnt to ride a Suzuki 250 (I think) but was always pillion with the clubs. I was about 16.

When I in my late 20's I got into New Age, crystal healing and the sort, I wore sarongs then! I became in between a hippy and a gypsy! Moving every couple of months. I was with my son's dad then. I have always been able to morph into whatever lifestyle the man was living. Whether it be a 'bad' boy's girl, hippy or a high classed woman. I was able to bluff my way around. It was my method to feel loved, even for just a little while. You talk about crumbs, and I can relate to that! I learnt to put on an act at a very young age

I've had so many jobs. Mainly fashion and banking. Always customer service! I'm rambling! 💛

hey @REDLINEZ750 i was catching up on my notifications (i accidentally missed a bunch of posts but found your birthday post to me now). thank you so much for your kind and heartfelt message mate, i did have a lovely time and i like the black bird references hehe 💙

how are you going? 😊

and hello to everyone passing by 👋

 @rav3n @heartathome @MissGremlin @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @cuddlebear @chasingsunsets @Shaz51 @DahliaDreams if names aren't in box it takes too long to find with the wifi, I hope you know I'm thinking of you all I'm just unable to catch up with posts between groups telehealth aerobics and yoga

Oh and wifi hehehe

I'm just being a loner with nature but without addiction I really do wish had better reception I miss my forum family