such a failure :(

@Former-Member All the negative emotions you are feeling at the moment are natural responses to what you are dealing with. You do not deserve anything bad in your life and you are not a horrible person - how can I say that - I have read what you have written on other threads and there is a real sense of caring and compassion that comes through. Someone who is a bad person does not show these attributes. You have kind words for others and have supported others even when you have felt you could not suuport yourself - that is caring and that is compassion.

how can i be those things you say iam @Zoe7

when all i do is get into trouble including studying and being on the computer or the phone or for going out, or for not being home on time, im failing as a carer when all ive been doing is caring for me and that is very selfish in my eyes, i have no friends which have to mean something doesnt it? even my mum and my sisters hate me and have no respect for me or what i do and my illness is completely invisible to my mother despite me telling her.

i have all these mental health and physical conditions and i seem to keep getting more, i really musnt be the best of persons as why would i be coping everything, i mustve done something to deserve all this

Hi @Former-Member, You sound a lot like me. I've had four restraining orders taken out against me by people who couldn't stand me so much, they turned to the courts to keep me away from them. I have had numerous other people threaten legal action if I tried to maintain contact with them. My family of origin disintegrated into oblivion after my mother's death twelve years ago - I've had no contact with any remaining family (two siblings) since my mother's funeral. I have been thrown out of two churches (both times after the minister took a restraining order out against me). I spent twelve years completing a university degree only to now be totally unemployable due to my mental health issues - how stupid does that make me!!! I've never had a romantic relationship - except for the one in which a youth group leader took a "special interest" in me when I was a young teen. I have no friends - the last one walked out of my life in December. I've had more than forty psychiatric admissions and two major workplace incidents (involving police being called etc.).

So...you said that you aren't good at anything, that you're stupid, that you stuff everything up, screw up everyone else's life and that people would be better off without you. I have no idea whether that is an acurate picture of your life or not, but I do know that it pretty much describes mine. I'm curious, given what I've just shared with you about me, do you think I deserve every bad aspect of my life and that I'm just a horrible person...or am I simply someone whose brain has got a bit damaged from some bad stuff that has happened? Am I not maybe a person who is amazingly bad at emotion regulation due to the effects of trauma, but who is trying to do the very best she can with what she's got...while knowing that her very best will be perceived by most people as pretty hopeless? I'm curious to know your thoughts @Former-Member.

I can see those things in you @Former-Member - even if you can't see them in yourself. You are going through 'hell' at the moment - that is a given. You are fighting the torment inside you as well as battling the pressures of 'life' around you. This places an immense strain on your ability to cope and to see exactly where you 'belong' in the world. How can I say this - like so many others here ... I have been right where you are. It is difficult - so difficult and it is all consuming - but there is hope and there is a path forward - you just haven't found it yet.

Have you given any more considerastion to writing things down to give to your psychologist? That would be a good place to start to get some of these feelings out.

I live alone and I do not have one friend that I could call on in an emergency - so I know how lonely that place can be - and that is a self-protection mechanism for me - I don't allow anyone in and I don't get close to anyone.

Your physical well-being is so closely linked to your mental well-being that it is no wonder you are struggling in both of these areas.

I am here for you @Former-Member - holding you up and listening.

@Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising

What both of you are doing here is a positive. You are both sharing, you are both connecting and you are both asking for support - in whatever form that takes. Sometimes the stories do not matter - but what you give to others does - and you are both 'giving' to others by sharing parts of yourselves.

@Phoenix_Rising

thanks for sharing your story and i dont think your a bad person at all.

i honestly dont know what ive done in life to keep getting bad news, im not usually one for compaining but i could really use a break right about now. i think being diagnosed with many mental health issues and many phsical issues in the past few months is touture. then i get on top of it my family who doesnt seem to care )im 20 ) and i still get in trouble for things like a little kid. i dont think ill ever have a 'normal' life but just a break would be good at least for a while

i dont think i can deal with any more @Zoe7

i really need abreak from my own life. i dont knwo where ive gone wrong but im failing in every aspect of life and i dont know when the train will be on the righ track again. i dont even know if being on the right track is worth it anymore.

maybe i should quit while im behind 😞

@Former-Member I am quite concerned for you at the moment. Are you able to call someone - use the contacts @NikNik gave you. You are welcome to keep talking to me but if you do not feel that you can keep yourself safe please use those numbers.

I want you to know that I care about you and I understand the feelings you are having - I was in exactly that place several weeks ago and I could not see a way out - but I made it through with the support of many, many people here on the forum. We genuinely care about you and what to support you.

Please do not quit anything - continue to talk and I will continue to listen.

It's odd isn't it @Former-Member, that you think you must be a bad person because of what is happening in your life, but it never occurs to you to think that I'm a bad person despite the giant muddle in my life. Don't worry, I'm exactly the same...and it annoys the hell out of me when people do to me what I just did to you . I know I would never think someone else was bad...and yet I think I am bad. It makes no sense. It is irrational. I seriously need to take my own advice sometimes!!!

It super sucks to have an unsupportive family @Former-Member. I can definitely relate to that. As awful as it sounds, it was a big relief for me when my mum died (I was 27 years old) and I subsequently parted ways with my siblings. I would love to have a functional family more than anything in the world...but I know that having no family is better than having a dysfunctional one. It is scary being alone and knowing I have no one to turn to...but it is still better than trying to cope with family who caused endless distress.