Starting over

@SmilingGecko - everything fell apart in a November and 24 December is my divorce decree date .... so tricky for me - I have not celebrated a Christmas or my birthday in 10 years now.... and Christmas was my daughters' favourite time of the year - but remember that was 10 years ago now... it is just tough when you don't know anyone and don't do relationships ....

Hey! @SmilingGecko 💖

I really hear you on the xmas front - holidays can feel so vulnerable... you are definitely not alone here. I was actually thinking of starting a Christmas thread, but I can see you usually start one, which is amazing!! @Snowie was thinking of helping out too. I am wondering if you can collaborate? ✨

Hello @AuntGlow good to hear from you! ❤️ They usually have a Xmas thread on SANE 🎄 I wasn't involved with it in the past, I think the mods started the threads each year. I'm happy to be involved. In the past I would usually chat on different threads during xmas. Its a very hard time of year and can be very triggering for many people. Maybe we could do an advent calendar in advance starting Dec 1st with strategies for coping with xmas for each day of December. My friend used to do a Coping with Xmas course for divorcees many years ago. I don't know what was in her course back then but she hated Xmas! lol I have some ideas that I can draw on and invite others to share their skills as well. But I thought a SANE Xmas Advent Calendar with empowering tips each day would be a good idea! 🙂

@Sadness2015 - Christian Chat

As for moving on, today I am not able to move on. I had a dream about my ex friend, it wasn't a nice dream and I woke up with anxiety. I've had to pray and do breathing exercises to feel better but I am still feeling anxious.

Most days I feel like I stopped living when I moved back home. Some days aren't so bad. I rely a lot on my faith, even when I feel like God is far away.

Love and hugs xo

@ENKELI - I understand where you are coming from - I don't feel like I have moved on either .... my life effectively stopped 10 years ago... and being left homeless and penniless after being at home for 17 years - it was extremely tough to start over .... I did though after studying for many years and working my butt to the bone 24/7 365 days a year and the the workplace accident happened in early 2023 and my life unraveled again - I am hopeful that the two surgeries in the last six weeks will give me more clarity and my specialist can assist me better now - which means I will be able to go back to studying and change the direction of my career plan....

I still experience many nightmares and it does not help with my chronic anxiety and chronic ptsd - but it is getting less over the years - but I see the triggers now - so now what type of situations to avoid - unfortunately it is just about everything ....

@Sadness2015 I have found that time and faith have been the only thing to help. Yesterday was not a good day for me.

I have no motivation and I haven't worked in over 12 months. I am ashamed that I am unemployed and that adds to the guilt I feel. And I can't help but think that life was better 3 years ago.

I am thankful that I am an optimistic person however, and I try not to dwell on the past as it just makes me more depressed.

I've also had to deal with drama with my father, his 3rd wife - aka Stepmonster - died in January and he has deteriorated to the point where he is on oxygen 24/7 and bedridden. Stepmonster hated me but I still had to give condolences and pretend she wasn't a total b*tch for dad's benefit. He has disowned me several times throughout my life and told me to F Off last month. He is self obsessed and not interested in my problems.

I love my mum dearly but she is incapable of supporting me as well. I hate saying that as I feel like I am betraying her.

Sometimes I feel like I have a handle on everything and something will happen to make me feel like I am back at square 1.

I guess it's a day at a time and faith that tomorrow is a new day.

I am praying that things start to improve for you xoxo

@ENKELI - something happened on the weekend for me, and I also feel like it has put me back to square 1 as it made me realise how much I have missed in my daughters lives.

I think not being able to work has had a significant impact on me mentally as well - I had worked and studied for 3 years to get back into the workforce in a new country .... not even two months into my new contract role and I was attacked by an out of control child .... and another subsequent accident due to original injuries.... so I was stuck in a wheelchair for a year .... it has taken me another two years to get better - but unfortunately, my workplace attack has caused chronic anxiety and made my chronic ptsd even worse now..... I suffer with migraines, dizziness and random blackouts now - so no disability employment agencies will even touch me as I am seen as a high risk employee.... I was placed on DSP and what I get in two weeks, I used to earn in two days - so I am pretty angry at myself. I only got paid out for a year's salary and had to apply for Australian Citizenship before being allowed to apply for DSP - so that took another 18 months .... financially it is has been extremely tough on me as well... and then add in the mental and physical issues that are now permanent - I just feel like I am drowning most days.

Faith is something that I feel that I have struggled with in this past year - I feel like I have spiraled more in the last year as my health has deteriorated more and more. I got covid19 six months before the accident while at work placement - 6 weeks in hospital and I was told to prepare for the worst .... I now have major complications from that as it affected my organs and damaged them quite badly - I was given some of the results - but will find out how to live with this much damage to my body in mid Dec when I see my specialist again (follow up from two surgeries in the past six weeks). So, just so much to deal with - and all alone -

@Sadness2015 that is a heck of a lot to have to deal with, especially when you are on your own. Having all that's happened to you would make the strongest person falter so I am amazed you're still managing to get up each morning.
Are you able to access the mental health plan and access the free/reduced cost counselling sessions?
I wish there was more I could do for you my friend, aside from prayer and chat here on Sane.

@ENKELI - a person only qualifies for 10 mental health sessions per year on Medicare and believe me - they are usually gone by April .... from November to March is the worst time of the year for me - and then I have to fork out any further sessions privately on my own the rest of the year. When you are not working, it is tough financially - I feel that mental health sessions should be increased and assessed per person - not a one size fits all type of thing ... my current and previous psychologists have both said that they have no idea how I have made it through the past 10 years, never mind the last 3 years since my accident. My life has changed so much - especially from a physical capacity - as my left foot/ankle has permanent damage and my right knee has permanent damage as well... but according to workcover that is only 5% of your body damaged. I have more good days physically now that I am used to the disabilities that I have - but it does get me down when I have bad days... the long-term covid19 damage is what got me on DSP as that affects me much more. A little tricky to be employed when you have random blackouts.... never mind the daily dizziness and migraines.

You mentioned that you are doing a certificate 3 - what are your studying??

@Sadness2015 yes I have used up my 10 sessions usually by the middle of the year as well, but it's better than nothing. I have had conversations with the former Minister for Mental Health here in WA and it pretty much fell on deaf ears. I was hospitalised for 2 weeks and fell through the cracks whilst in hospital. After 2 weeks was up I had seen a psychiatrist for a total of 5 minutes, English was his second language and he declared me well, discharging me with the medication that I had taken too much of (and was what put me in hospital in the first place). I was not given any follow up care and was not advised that I could have chosen to go to a private hospital because I had private health insurance. I told all this to the state minister and nothing was done about it.

My anxiety is so severe that I am incapable of successfully attending job interviews. I am not eligible for DSP so am on jobseeker which is almost $300 less than DSP. I have a house and car that both need major work done. I also have missing front teeth on both my top and bottom jaws but can't afford dental work.

Believe me, I know what it's like. I struggle regularly. I am fortunate though that my faith is strong and it keeps me waking up each day, even when I am crippled with fear for no reason other than I am unemployed and feel like a complete burden.

It's one day at a time and keeping optimistic that one day things will get better, while hearing from 3rd parties that my God daughter and God son have been so poisoned toward me that they don't even care what happens to me anymore.