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Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2017, 3:43 pm AEDT

Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Hi fellow Sane people
Im really struggling with the disclosure of my sexual abuse and how to move forward.
Yes im safe and all the right steps have been taken etc but im still struggling to move forward
Im wondering what people have done snd strategies you've used in order to get through it?

Does it get easier over time?

Im very embarrassed and ashamed and scared by it and struggling so any help would be great.
It would be great to know if there are any other survivors on here and how you are now and how it affect the way you live

301 replies

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In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

BlueBaySenior Contributor26 Aug 2017, 6:35 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Thanks @CheerBear

Fingers crossed she is a good psychologist. I'll let you know 🙂

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor26 Aug 2017, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

My abuse flashbacks @BlueBay are so vivid they actually involve all my senses. I can hear everything thats happening. Sometimes i think hes right next to.me. i can actually feel everything which was why the smear was so traumatic. I can see everything like i was still there and i can also smell everything.
Theae ones happen to me all the time and i dont know what to do about them. If they were quick little fly bys it might not be so bad to control but when they go through a particular 'session' it lasts usually for ages and it makea me have a panic attack as well. Its been alot of them of recent.
I dont know what to do ita even worse when im in thr shower. I generally try to block out the imaginary aound vy covering my ears and teying to bury my head and hiding. Doesnt really work that well does it

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor26 Aug 2017, 6:41 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I thought the same thing @BlueBay
The first session was ok as it was that general get to know you thing but the second one ahe said you need to go into more details so i edged in abit more into how i knew the person how often it happened. The sort is was as in was it innapropriate touching or more. I said more than that more like rape. And then i said i needed a break and she kept pushing and i said i dont want to talk more about it i cant go any further she snapped and said well if you want my help then you need to go into it.
She was constantly checking the time which bugged me. She always made sure i signed the victims of crime papers to day id been. She would always write i was there for an hour but each session i went to so only the 2 and walked out the second one was only half hour. So she was a more of a money one not a carinf one.
I never went back

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

CheerBearSenior Contributor26 Aug 2017, 6:42 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I've got mine crossed for you too @BlueBay, and will keep an eye out to see how you got on 🙂

@outlander - I noticed something you just said above about covering your eyes and blocking everything out and hiding. I totally understand why that might be an instictive thing to do, but it doesn't sound particularly helpful during a flashback. From my experience and understanding, doing the total opposite could work better. Opening your eyes, looking around, focusing on the details that are around you where you are, noticing everything that is around you - that may work better. Once the intensity has passed and you know you're in the present, then snuggling under/in something might give you some comfort.

I think you know this though, but thought I'd remind you as it seems you're having trouble with flashbacks in particular recently.

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor26 Aug 2017, 7:04 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I can see the pics now @CheerBear that does make sense. im going to make a few of those up for a few different places so i have easy access to them.

no it doesnt help hiding but it scared the crap out of me and it never seems to get easier. so the grounding card you have here jsut might help as itll make me focus on something else and its physically guiding me through the steps

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 12:03 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I think im going to make some of those cards today. They look pretty simple to make and then might take them to get laminated as well then i can keep them in my car and a few other sneaky places 🙂

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 12:15 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Can you see the picture ok @outlander? I have mine if you can't. I might hunt down the laminator today too. Been looking for some motivation to clean my desk and maybe this is it 🙂

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 12:18 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Yep i can see it pretty good @CheerBear 💕
Is tpur prompt cards all the same or do you have different ones as well?

It might be good to have a few different sorts maybe... maybe one with this one another with the 5 senses... any others maybe?

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

CheerBearSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 12:54 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I have just this one at the moment @outlander. I used the STOP sign one that I'm pretty sure I've shared with you before, a while ago. That was an MBSR one helped with stress reduction, before I had the full blown trigger/panic/re-experiencing thing going on.

I found that practicing one often can really help me. Now I don't need a physical stop sign to see to prompt me to use that tool, although I am forgetting to use it as often as I was. That may be more that things have changed and it's less effective at the moment too. That tool was super helpful for high stress kid moments, so I might do another for the kitchen (where lots of our moments can happen) if I find myself slipping with it.

This dual awareness/flashback halting protocol one is the one I am trying to focus on using at the moment. I've found that by practicing one often I can visualise it without needing a physical prompt. So this morning I could 'see' the card in my mind in bed in the dark when I woke with a fright.

I get a bit stuck on the "because I am remembering... (name only)" part. I find that so many of my triggers are internal sensations/feelings/emotions, and connecting what they are attached to exactly, is tricky. Practicing doing it though is probably helpful in itself, as connecting what's happening with the why and to the now, seems pretty important.

Whatever works for you is key though! I'd be very interested in hearing how you get on with it 🙂

Also, I was wondering whether you'd be keen on joining in a book reading thing? I'm thinking of reading another helping book soon. Maybe the DBT skills manual (if I can find it in the library) or one that I found helpful before about trauma recovery. Going to check with a little turtle before to see if she's interested as well. Both can be found in the libraries here. I know you're stretched for time and maybe it isn't your thing, but I thought I'd mention it 🙂

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 5:10 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Ahh yep I rememeber the STOP one @CheerBear

yeah im not sure if its better to have just one to focus on that was its semi automatic that when things start to happen thats the first one I use as well. I think its more the prompting thing though casue I generally dont think of grounding strategies when things happen. I mainly do distractions but sometimes my art and music dont really help and neither does being in a panic.

I find most of my moments happen a lot in the shower believe it all not. It bugs me when that happens as thats pretty much the only time ive got to myself. Im not really sure whats effective as yet. I try to either talk it out or ignore it. But I know that im going to need to put more time and effort in to practice these things. Before bed though I generally do a few minutes of some sort of breathing exercise so help fully relax into sleep. If im tired enough then I generally fall asleep doing that.

My flashbacks are crazy bad at the moment so im thinking youve got the right idea with just practicing the one technique. I actually find sometimes the 5 senses ones makes it a lot worse for me esp during flashbacks because mine are so vivid its better to do something else as focusing on what I can smell and feel really arent great for that moment. I need to get away from that rather than focssing on those.
I would leave the name part out as that name is a trigger in itself and would probably keep sending me off the deep end but it can still work without that sentence.
I might make a few of them up though and start to work out which ones work best for certain things e,g use the flashback protocol for flashbacks, the 5 senses for general panic things as you know I have a lot of those. Not sure what works to bring me out of depression though. I generally find its just a metter of time and just ride it out or doing things like getting into nature.

I would definently be keen on joining in the book reading. Do you have a thread for that or just speak out it in general terms with those who are reading it? Im about to start trauma work not the SA but the the other trauma so this could be used to my advantage as well.

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