Moving forward (sexual abuse )

@outlander for me the periods of time when it's a bit easier get longer over time, but it's a hard one for me as there have been further traumas every few years so I ended up with complex post traumatic stress disorder which currently affects me a lot. I am very fearful in many situations and panic easily and isolate a lot. Plus it's very hard for me to trust anyone. That's why the forums being anonymous is so good for me.

thank you @eth for answering that

yep thats the same as me and im sure many other mebers here as well about the trust and being fearful as well.

i ahve complex ptsd, severe gad, severe depression, social phobia and health anxiety so ive got a loveley mix in there. its quite annoying actually

has this SA affected your other relationships esp with men? business, intimate, friendships?

Yes @outlander, I'm a different person to who I would have been if these things hadn't happened so all relationship have been affected.

Thanks @outlander I'll post here tomorrow. It's a story from when I was 15. If I go into it now I'll be awake all night. Thanks for listening too. You're good at it.

Good morning @outlander are you here? You said you only get about 3 hrs sleep but maybe you're sleeping now.

@outlander this will be a post about what happened when I was 15. 3 boys from school took me horse riding one day. After a while 2 of them rode away and 1 of them and I stopped for a 'talk'. He forced himself on me then. After that I got back on the horse in a total fright state (me). I was very new to riding. I decided to ride back to his mother's homestead. Foolishly (understandably tho) wanted the horse to go fast not knowing the rule about not giving a horse it's head in the home paddock. The horse ran straight for a tree after a bit and I could see the branches were too low. I leaned down beside it's neck thinking to let the horse take the blow instead of me(not wise). The next thing I was getting up off the ground. Must have blacked out. I had landed in a mimosa patch. I ran to catch the horse but had thorns all through me all over my body. I had to rip my jeans off to stop them from rubbing on the thorns. The next thing I remember is his mother trying to remove 100s of thorns. Must have blacked out again. After that I had to be taken to hospital to have 5 of them lanced as they were in so deep. And for a long time after that (years) every now and then a thorn would come to the surface and be infected around the wood. This event stopped me from making it to the national titles for rowing. I didn't tell my parents what the boy had done to me and I still had to go to school with him. My mum saw bruises on my breasts and punished me for being promiscuous.