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Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2017, 3:43 pm AEDT

Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Hi fellow Sane people
Im really struggling with the disclosure of my sexual abuse and how to move forward.
Yes im safe and all the right steps have been taken etc but im still struggling to move forward
Im wondering what people have done snd strategies you've used in order to get through it?

Does it get easier over time?

Im very embarrassed and ashamed and scared by it and struggling so any help would be great.
It would be great to know if there are any other survivors on here and how you are now and how it affect the way you live

301 replies

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In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor24 Apr 2017, 5:47 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Send the card back @Former-Member. It won't fix everything, but it will fix that part. You will be giving him the clear message that what he did is not okay and you do not accept communications from him.

It's slamming the door in his face.

💙💕

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2017, 5:54 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I blocked him on fb and everything already to get away and created a new fb account as well
Im so scared @Faith-and-Hope what if i contracted something and i cant keep it quiet. Then ill have to tell my mum and everything i cant do that!
What do i say about the card then shes going to ask me why i sent it back and i dont want to say anything. I dont know how to give it back either. I dont know if he still lives where i last knew and i could send it back by post but i dont want to cause trouble ans anymore arguments that are already going on

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor24 Apr 2017, 6:19 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Then those are the boundaries you have to work with @Former-Member .... choices are often about what leads on from the choices more than they are about the choice itself.

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2017, 6:31 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

I dont get it @Faith-and-Hope can u explain that plz

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor24 Apr 2017, 7:22 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Hi @Former-Member ....

It means that if you choose to do one thing it will lead to awkward questions or outcomes that mean your mother finds out what happened. If you choose to do another thing, then it is safer in terms of your mother not finding out, but more difficult to live with in another sense, It doesn't sound like any of your choices are easy, so you probably need to go with the one that is easiest to live with, in terms of priorities.

It sounds to me like your highest priority is your mother not finding out.

Have you talked this over with your psychologist ?

Do you feel it has helped you to be able to tell us about the card ?

💙

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2017, 7:40 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

oh ok @Faith-and-Hope now i get it

yes i dont want my mum to find out either

no i havent as yet F&H im just about to start with another psychologist in the next few weeks but until then i dont have a psychologist

yeah i guess it has, at least people on here understand

i just... i dont know what to do anymore

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor24 Apr 2017, 8:01 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

It can sure feel like that sometimes @Former-Member ... I know I feel it in our situation .... but I keep moving forward in baby steps, knowing that we will get to a better place. Solutions and healing take time, and it's not a smooth path.

Distractions, self-soothing activities like drawing and colouring, etc all help to get us there ....

Hugs .... 💙💐💕

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2017, 8:14 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

i wish i was older and wiser @Faith-and-Hope then id hopefully know what to do

In response to: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

outlanderSenior Contributor16 June 2017, 11:04 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

@eth its on page 4 about halfway down itsby a former member as i deleted myself then came back

In response to: Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

ethSenior Contributor16 June 2017, 11:20 pm AEST

Re: Moving forward (sexual abuse )

What a terrible experience for you @outlander. I want you to know I've been through SA myself more than once and you can tell me anything and I will listen and help if you want me to. The first time I was 10, then 15 then several times from a partner in my 30s. I've also been through DV and another assault that was attempted murder. But I'm still here and working on recovery - not that I expect to be cured but at least to manage better. I won't let them win and opt out as hard as life can be at times.

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