Daughter with BPD

@Chredward

Its so hard watching them being self destructive; and its an entirely level of hell when you know they are unsafe.

Having a well thought through containment plan that you both understand- even if she disagrees with is a useful tool. This can include: prn medications, activities, calling support, calling emergency. These also can get used to set hard boundaries that YOU accept.

Its super difficult for us parents to do this: being there, being judge, being supportive, being human, being rule enforcement, being a parent while not suffering mentally or financially (e.g. time off work). Make time for you to recover - because you matter; and you can't do this if you feel emotionally dead.

How are things going for you and your daughter @Chredward ? Have you looked into any support groups that may be of help?

Feel free to tag me into your posts so I can follow your posts @Chredward . You can do this by typing "@" in front of my name e.g. @tyme

Looking forward to hearing from you. Remember, you are not alone.

@tyme Thanks for the check in.

Honestly, it has been brutal.

The positive is my daughter really connects with her new psych and is attending sessions. The not so positive is they are working through past trauma and it is unleashing some of the worst panic attacks she's had. They are flashbacks/panic attacks and are debilitating (for both of us really-although I will carry the burden and let her unload to help her get better. There is nothing I won't do to help her). They last all day, although peak for an hour or so of screaming and harm. The ED send her home with me, I am her support, she turns to me to keep her afloat. They have no room in the hospitals. The system needs money desperately. I feel for the staff who are over loaded. The mental health system is broken, so broken. As someone living in it - it's devastating. I cannot imagine anyone going through it alone.

It's heartbreaking to hear what was done to her, no parent wants to hear how their child was hurt.

She will get through it - I tell her, she's the strongest person I know and I am proud of her every single day.

I have just started to go back to an Osteopath I used to see after I was involved in a serious accident in 2018. I had my first visit yesterday, I intend to go at least monthly. He helps relieve the physical symptoms of intense stress and pain. It helps.

Living with the BPD sometimes feels like playing whack a mole, or wrestling a python- you know what I mean? It is really tricky to navigate - having said that, our conversations on calm days are about accountability and planning and getting things in order. I keep saying there are must do's and can do's. Focus on the must do's before you invest time and energy on a tangent of can do's. Like make sure the cats have food and water, hang out your washing...etc...before you start another 'project' that takes hours and stays there for 6 months unfinished..lol.

Anyway, I didn't mean to actually still be typing. I could go on and on.

Again, thanks for the space to talk. We will be fine - we will get through this-we will-i am determined that we will make it !

Much thanks

Hey @Chredward

Thank you for sharing.

It's so clear how deeply you care for your daughter, and how much strength and love you're holding for her through an incredibly difficult time.

What you've described - the intensity, exhaustion and constant balancing and prioritisation of 'must-do's' is something many carers here will recognise. I'm really glad that you've found some support for your own physical wellbeing and stress, carers deserve (and need!) care too💓

It's also wonderful to hear that your daughter has connected with her new psychologist, even though the work is incredibly painful right now. That early phase can be destabilising, and it's understandable that it feels overwhelming and painful for you both.

Thank you for trusting this space, you're never alone here and we're sending strength to you and your daughter.

Awww @Chredward , That sounds incredibly hard. It's such a battle and I can hear that all you want is to see your little girl well.

The pain of BPD is so real. I've lived it myself. It is pretty much indescrible. So I hear her pain and I hear your pain in having to hear of and witness so much.

Do you have carer supports you can lean on?

Not sure if you've used carer gateway before? https://www.carergateway.gov.au/

Hey @Chredward , thinking about you today.

How is your daughter going?

I just really want to say that BPD is not a life sentence. People can, and do, recover from it.

Please look after yourself and give yourself space to breathe.

Take care.

I have found (with assistance form her GP) a psychiatrist who is willing to open his books and see her as a patient. I rang, i emailed, i begged and i cried - and i am thankful we have another support option. I want to wrap her in support. Her GP referred her to a centre for psychotherapy (they would not take her as she only had 2 suicide attempts-she's had 3 now...so crazy!! so they will take her on, when they have space). I am also taking her to my Osteo, who i think is incredible!! If she can work through the significant trauma she has carried since she was a teenager, i know she can get to a stronger place. I just have to get her there. My FACS leave and sick leave is used. I'm on leave without pay to get her to where she needs to be. I just cannot believe we live in this beautiful free country and there is just no support for her. I know if i was not here for her, she would not be here. My heart breaks for all the other lost ones, with no one to get them through. We have a really long journey ahead, we just have to get there. Her panic attacks have escalated in intensity (as she works through past trauma). I check on her through the night, i hold her while she screams, i hold her while she cries. She deserves a big beautiful life and i will do anything i can to get her there. I just need to get her there

@Chredward sorry to hear your suffering and sorry fir your daughter who is going through it everything.

Reading the posts sounds like you are doing what you can -- thats all that can be asked. So we'll done and reward yourself for this - it is not easy - it is infact brutally hard.

3 small suggestions:

• See if your psych is thinks she could also have ASD. Get tested if necessary- if confirmed > level 2 she will qualify for NDIS support; which will help for both conditions.
• Many workplaces will offer flexible WFH conditions if your caring for a family member.
• This is somewhat optional depending on circumstances: Acknowledge to your daughter how hard - even if its devastating to you; for her to go through this. You may not understand her logic; but she will want to know that you see her struggle to stay safe

My thoughts to you both.

I need advice to guide her to voluntary admission to a facility. Things are not getting better. Her substance abuse has her in its grips as her coping mechanism. Without it, she is feeling all her trauma and is not coping.

I gently but firmly discuss how it blocks her medications. She now has another medication for when she has her acute panic attacks (which normally requires me calling an ambulance to medicate). I nearly walked away last week, I was so tired and I am so out of my depth.

Yes, she has an wonderful GP (who was shocked when I told her every time I have, or she has rang a crisis line- we are on hold - so end up hanging up after 4-8 minutes- that in itself is another layer of stress). Yes, she has a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I have started taking her to an osteopath. But, I don't know what I am doing. I am not a medical professional. I am in the trenches and I am struggling.