Daughter with BPD

Hi @Chredward

I can hear you're really struggling to support your daughter where it's overwhelming, and you don't know how to keep going, to be there for her. It sounds very worrying especially as she has attempted suicide a couple of times too 😟.
I'm very glad that you have found this forum and that you've felt able to post and I do hope that you will feel the support of the community during this time.

I did also just want to share a BPD fact sheet 👈 here too in case it helps (it has a section on help for Family & Friends). If you ever have need more immediate support you can get in touch with Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24 Hrs) and Suicide Call Back Service on (24 Hrs) 1300 659 467. Your daughter can also contact Kids Helpline until the age of 26 on 1800 55 1800 | Web Chat - hope this helps 🌿

TunedIn🌷

Hi @Chredward

Welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing with your daughter. I can hear the anguish that you are feeling. It sounds like a very difficult situation. It is good that your daughter has a psychologist and that she tries to get to her appointments. Have you guys considered doing the psychology online on telehealth to make it easier? That way your daughter doesn't even have to leave home for the sessions. I am sorry that I don't actually have any advice to give but I wanted to come and say that you are not alone. If you ever want to chat just tag me in.

Hey @Chredward ,

I hear you. I know what is going on for her - first hand. I can relate to what you are sharing, about the impulsivity and the emotional turmoil because I have BPD.

It was a very tough journey for me and the emotional pain is so real. It led me into many dangerous and impulsive actions.

One thing I have to say is to strike while the iron is cold. That is, when she is regulated, only THEN speak to her about whatever you want to share.

Another thing that worked for me was giving me choice. When I was heightened, if people told me not to do something, I would put in even more effort to do it because I wanted to regain control. My emotional self was so out of control that I was doing whatever I could to regain control.

As for the carer, look after yourself. Borderlines can really burn you emotionally and physically. I've encourage you to set your boundaries and stick to them. e.g. Have the discussion (when she is calm) that if she insists on driving when upset or if she acts in ways that harm herself, you would be phoning the relevant authorities.

Please do not put yourself in harm's way.

For me, I've had a lot of run-ins with police etc when I was heightened. It was the only thing to keep me contained. It wasnt' easy and was in fact quite traumatic, but I'm alive because of it.

There's a lot more I can share, but I don't want to bombard you.

Depending on which state you live in, there are supports for carers of loved ones with BPD. There are support groups, education groups.

For example, there is a free e-learning program for carers through Project Air in NSW: https://www.uow.edu.au/project-air/carer/

Just click on the program link through the website.

South Australia have this one: https://www.sahealth.sa.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/public+content/sa+health+internet/services/mental+health+and+drug+and+alcohol+services/mental+health+services/statewide+specialist+services/borderline+personality+disorder+collaborative/supporting+people+with+borderline+personality+disorder/carers+families+partners+and+friends+supporting+people+with+borderline+personality+disorder#:~:text=Information%20and%20support%20for%20carers,requirements%2C%20available%20in%20South%20Australia.

Victoria have this: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/information-resources/information-for-families-friends-carers

All the best. I'll wait to hear from you. Feel free to tag me in by typing "@" in front of my name e.g. @tyme

Thank you for reaching out.

It can be a really lonely space to navigate. I have only just recently shared with my closest friends what has been going on, however it is hard for them to understand, although i appreciate their efforts.

When she is regulated and calm, we make plans for her mental health and then it all goes out the window, she struggles to stick to the plan. I have used all my FACS leave and loads of sick days taking her to appointments, driving her to work, to the hospital, to wherever she needs to be, as she can be really emotionally fragile after she has spiralled and cannot do it on her own.

She also has severe panic disorder and PTSD, so it's a lot. Sometimes her spirals are sad and depressive, sometimes they are white hot rage and anger and sometimes a mix.

I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, i have to believe she will get to where she needs to be, but at the moment we are in the depths.

Thank you again for reaching out, you have no idea how much it means to connect with people who understand.

hey @HP1 & @Chredward welcome to the forums! it's lovely to have you both here 💙

just wanted to share that you can tag people you want to respond to using the @ symbol and typing out the username - this way the person tagged will be notified of your response 😊

@tyme response from @Chredward is above.

@Chredward response from @HP1 is above this post.

I hear you @Chredward . It sounds incredibly hard that you are navigating this as a carer of someone with BPD. Whilst borderlines can be the most compassionate, caring and understanding people, I recognise that their emotional outbursts can be draining.

I also hear that she is doing her best to make plans around her mental health, but then struggles to go through with these plans. Does she have support workers who can support?

When I was recovering, through the hospital, I had a case manager, peer worker, psychosocial support worker, and I was linked in with both group community supports such as women's health programs and DBT art therapy.

I found the peer worker very very helpful because it wasn't clinical. Rather, they were there to listen. I wonder if your daughter can access supports like this?

I take my hat off to you and want to thank you for your patience, care and kindness as a carer for her. I recognise it is not the easiest. Please look after yourself and I look forward to hearing from you.

Hi @HP1 , great to see you.