Dissociative identity disorder

@Former-Member Yes, I used to be terrified too. i didn't understand why it was happening and seemed to have no warning. I felt totally out of control. I didn't realise when time had passed so never felt sure of myself or my experiences. A big shift happened when I began to see all those "freaky" things as being part of my survival. I had different parts of me who were jumping in when things got too much to bear. Gradually I stopped being as scared, and began to notice what was happening just before I was "shut down". Having that little bit of warning gave me time to do something sensory, like eat ice, or smell a lime, eat a strong peppermint etc. and maybe not "disappear". I'm getting better at working out why this happens and have learned there is always a reason. I dont do this because I'm wrong, or faulty, it's actually a super clever way my brain keeps me safe when life gets too much. I wonder about where "I" go too. Someone once said, it's like when you drive and cant remember how you got to work or school etc. Some part of you remembered not to have a crash, drove and got you there safely. That's how we all dissociate "normally". I guess with DID, it's more seperate, so we can feel as if we have disapeared. Since I started feeling kind towards all the parts of me (even the ones with embarrassing behaviours), I'm starting to get more of a sense of who is there when I'm not, and some people close to me have reported meeting other parts of me they dont usually know. I still have days that seem very short, or appointments that are really important, but I can only remember a fraction of. It does scare me that parts of me know things I dont know, but I think thats because one day I might find out things that have been hidden for a good reason...or not. When I miss out or get interrupted, I try and think, "that part of me had something to say or learn". The more I talk about it now a lot of the shame is gone, the more my kids tell me when they notice Im dissociating or my sentences are chopped up. It's all helping the long process of hopefully one day, existing in a state where all the parts of me can be aware of each other, and be present when they want to be, not just when one of us needs saving. I use mindfulness meditation to try to be more present and in my body. I think it is helping my level of awareness and is definitely helping me to manage intense emotions. Have you found anything that helps?

@Prayne@Shaz51 Do you think people got used to you being positive about everything? Sometimes negativity in other people's eyes is them not understanding. If people tell me I need to be positive, I ask them what they mean, and keep asking until they realise how silly it is to tell someone who is in a negative, scary or just plain bad situation there is an easy answer. If they just asked "is there anything I can do?" that would be kinder even if they cant help. I definitely know that guilt feeling. Sometimes it swamps me out of seemingly nowhere and I feel like crawling into a hole. I was incredibly good at pleasing others, and of course I want to be a good person who does not harm anyone, but I think putting myself second isnt healthy...easier said than done. I have found that the people and services around me are much happier when I do act in a compliant, "easy" way and dont have any opinion about what I need or want. That would be fine if services and the world were caring and followed rules, but unfortunately they often dont. Since I have begun to speak up, make choices and tell people when they are doing something I dont like, I have been smashed. I was really scared and worried about people having a negative view of me, then my son reminded me that they had already treated me badly when I was compliant. I still dont know how to manage life without being hurt, but i'm getting more sure that my perceptions belong to me and are valid. It's scary to see how much of my life has been controlled by other people without me noticing. Of course if I could only surround myself with people who are caring and secure in their own skins that sounds okay. I feel too old to be learning about basic social interaction (from the inside) but though scary, it is actually cool to be making my own mistakes and decisions. I'm also finding out Im wiser than I thought...or maybe I give too much credibility to other people's ideas when they are just spouting rubbish without thinking. This post has veered way off topic, sorry guys...a bit like life at present. I hope you get reconnected with the world as we really do have an interesting and valid voice to share, we just havent fully realised it yet.

Hello @Andra, @Prayne, @Phoenix_Rising, @utopia, @Former-Member

my hubby has had inherited depression all his life along with other diagnoses , his mother is very negative

and he loves to please people but he wants to hide away

how is everyone today