Dissociative identity disorder

Hello @Prayne

Glad you let us know that you are reading and around. It is difficult when we isolate ourselves. I have come out of isolation and finally feel connected to people, online and offline.

Take care of You

You are worth it

Thinking g of you @PraynePrayne @Appleblossom @utopia and everyone xox

Hi there @Prayne. We havent met, but I was tagged by @Former-Member and decided I would drop by and introduce myself.

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 3 years ago, as a result of a particularly traumatic sexual assault incident 21 years ago. So I guess I can understand some of what you and your daughter are going through. Life is a constant battle when you are dealing with PTSD, and I cant imagine dealing with the DID as well. If I am not mistaken, I believe DID is what used to be more commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder? Please correct me if I'm wrong there. I have no experience with that, so am not able to offer any specific advise or help there. As a result of my PTSD however, I do dissociate a lot. Which is a coping mechanism by the brain when life gets too hard. So I guess the DID would be similar to that, but in a very mild form.

I'm glad you have a few things you like to do, such as gardening and walking your dog. Thats great, and I love how pets are such a comfort to many of us during tough times. I have a little dog too, Holly, this is her in my profile picture. She is a little mini foxie x chihauha, and she is the most lovable, joyful little girl, all 4.5kgs of her. She knows when I am doing it tough and never leaves my side, snuggling up to me and just being there. When I feel up to it, she loves going for good long walks. And she is a great little hunter as well, loves rabbiting. We have a 3 acre rural block so she has plenty of space. What breed is your rescue dog? I'd love to hear more about him/her if you'd like to share.

Your Mum was an artist? What type of art did she do? What form of art do you prefer? Do you use charcoal, watercolour, oils? I have only recently taken up sketching in an attempt to distract myself from other less desirable thoughts. I find it quite grounding, as it gets my full attention.

Another thing I do as a result of advice from my psych, is to write. I write a lot now, often just to get things out of my head. My writing usually never sees the light of day, as I will scrunch it up and burn it afterwards. But I do find it therapeutic to get it out of my head and into writing. Initially my psych had me write down what happened 21 years ago, as when I was having Exposure Therapy for my PTSD, I would not vocalise what had occurred. So thats when she had me write it all down. Ha ha - I can say now, that she has created a monster! These days I find that I can write poetry, and can become very engrossed in that. A great distraction for me.

I too have days where I feel I cant do a thing! Days that are literally a write-off. Do you practice mindfulness at all? I am trying to, and although I am still struggling to get the hang of it, I am slowly improving. Its well worth persevering with it, as I know it is an extremely useful tool for many people with MI.

Okay Prayne, I'm sorry I really cant offer anything more here, but I just wanted to let you know that you have lots of support here. Please call on us anytime you need to know you have someone 'in your corner'. There are some wonderful people here on SANE, as you have already seen from the replies you have got to date. Hi @Appleblossom @utopia @NikNik @Former-Member. They have all been a great help to me recently during what has been a very difficult couple of weeks for me personally.

My thoughts are with you Prayne. I hope today is going to be a good day for you.

Sherry.

@Prayne What you are going through must seem endless and at times hopeless. It will change. It took over 15 years to get a correct diagnosis for me, and then another few years for me to begin to understand it.The system and society in general doesn't understand, so as well as your own struggle to manage and find help, they add roadblocks of stigma and judgement. I spent many years feeling terrified of myself and what I could do to others. The most important shift for me was discovering something that people close to me already knew. It is that I have an almost superhuman gift for persistence and trying to give others a voice. The whole of me is about survival, so ironically as I am suicidal much of the time, I just keep on going. Now, when I feel angry or consumed about an issue, I realise it's actually more "appropriate" than the lukewarm response to outrageous abuse and injustice that the general public and system thinks is "normal". Now I see all of my actions as helpful to my survival, it has stopped me self judging and has started to unlock some of the shame I have carried around. I still make people uncomfortable with my outspokenness, but my explosions are becoming less and gradually I'm being able to see more clearly where and how my anger should be directed. This gives more room for love and compassion towards myself and others; something I thought I was incapable of, but now realise I was expressing to others without knowing it. Sometimes I really don't understand the word. Surely we are all here for the same purpose? Surely, mental health workers and people in general don't want anyone to suffer? I have four children who are very wise. They tell me that basically everyone is there for themselves. Not in an evil way, just that's how people are. I don't have a strong sense of self, so I expect others will treat me as I treat them. Having that outside Reality check on the harshness of life has helped me understand and protect myself...sometimes.

I am still unable to access emergency care and therapy through the mental health system. I am fighting to be heard here and so far it's me-nil, the system-10. However the NDIS, after three years of struggle (having a huge budget does not guarantee service and support) I now am supported. I have an amazing coordinator who is there for me and my boys. He only wants me to have the life I want and is incredibly creative about finding ways for me to face challenges and overcome obstacles. One of the biggest obstacles I face still, is safe access to mental health services.

Im impressed that this early in your diagnosis you have found this site and are so clearly able to talk about your distress. It sounds like you have the strength in spite of everything to keep going.

As a mother, not because of a mental illness it is absolutely appropriate to be consumed by the terrible abuse and betrayal you and your daughter have endured.

i wish I could help by naming the organisation, pill, technique (though mindfulness and art are helpful to me) but actually, survival is hard in a world that is in itself, a trigger. All I can say is that you do have the skills to cope, it's just exhausting to keep going. It will change and eventually become more manageable, and there are people out there who step up, outside "normal" and will walk beside you. Speaking up has led me to those people, so know that sometimes when it seems nobody is hearing you, there are people wishing they could help, or being encouraged to step up.

Hi @Prayne

I'm afraid I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. The best I can do is tell you "I hear you" with respect to trying to access real support for mental health issues. I think @Former-Member described the hopeless inadequacy of mental health services really well in her post. I am extremely blessed in that I am seeing my current psychologist under the NSW victims of crime program. We have had 12 sessions thus far and we are still in the get-to-know-you phase...which goes to show the hopeless inadequacy of 10 medicare funded sessions for people with complex histories!!! I super wish I had a magic wand with which to help you, but alas I don't

@Former-Member asked --- Does anyone dissocciate where they feel themselves slipping away like they can't stay awake, like they're drowning and then can't remember what has happened for a few hours?

I think I'm dissociating a lot. I have a lot of memory blanks.

The whole thought of this happening is scaring me a lot.

Where am I when this happens? Who am I? What do I do when this happens?

Just the thought that I'm not me. It scares me as much as going psychotic again does.

Hello @5-HT, @BlueBay, @Adge, @mohill, @Change123

Hello @Prayne, @Phoenix_Rising, @utopia, @Andra, @Former-Member