My life has been turned on it’s head 🫠😭

Wow…

2 weeks post break up today

even tho I initiated it it was such a shock and I miss him

i feel so guilty for breaking his heart

he was a good guy and we ended on good terms which makes it harder

i partly feel like I’ve wasted the last 3 years on the relationship

im scared and nervous of the unknown and uncertainty

and I’m grieving deeply the loss of a vision of a shared life…

it sucks

and were officially no contact since Monday… til 1st Feb….

he wants to fight for me and wanted me to give him an answer if there was a chance after when we talk

i coukdnt really give him an answer

hes always been so certain about me I felt this pressure and anxiety and stress to have an immediate answer bc he wanted to get married

our convo 2 weeks ago started w me saying I can’t marry u…

god this sucks

im hoping it gets better..

To add another layer I’ve recently moved out from a very toxic / unhealthy home w my parents…

my house is a mess…

and I’ve recently returned from overseas and mourning the loss of that amazing season and friends

oh… and on top of that all, my grandma died!

no wonder I’m feeling the way I’m feeling! I’m trying to be more compassionate to myself and not critical and just allow myself to process and feel….