I'm recovering from psychosis

@Tazzie27

I definitely can relate because I’ve had similar experiences with psychosis and hospital admissions though with a different diagnosis. I’m not sure about other people’s experiences, but I’ll answer your questions from my perspective

• Is it normal for reality to still feel a bit unreal, even months later?

Yeah - I get this even months later. I feel like I’m piloting my body in some weird surreal version of reality that’s just … off and I can’t say why or how it is, it just is. I think it must be relative normal because whenever I bring it up with my psychiatrist she really brushes it off. I’d love to hear other peoples experiences of this too.

• Is memory issues and trouble trusting people common?

For me, again yes. I have persistent memory issues as a regular thing - definitely worse in the months after an episode, but for me they’re a part of my daily life. I also have paranoia and trouble trusting certain people who I either think are trying to harm me or are monitoring me, but I’ve found that this usually goes away in the months following an episode - medication helps a lot with this.

• How long does this “after” phase usually last?

For me getting my meds right really helps speed this up, making something that can take months take weeks. It’s also a matter of determining what that new ‘normal’ looks like because it might not be what it was before.

• What helped you start trusting your mind and surroundings again?

Good support from my partner. The right meds and dosage. Sleep and lots of it. Reintroducing my routines and regular parts of my life like work and hobbies. I get paranoia and delusions specifically around my MH team so they’re sort of not helpful in until I’m more stable.

• How can you gain your mental health team’s confidence for returning to work or study after everything?

honestly I just gauged what I felt I was capable of doing and just went for it - I didn’t ask anyone if it was okay, I just informed my MH team after the fact. It might not work for your situation, but for me I have a fairly good idea of what’s ’too much’ and make sure I work within my own capabilities since it’s something I have gone through a few times now.

Take your time with it - there’s not one set of rules that’ll apply to everyone and we all recover at our own speeds. This forum is a really great tool though because there’s always people who can relate, or at the very least can be supportive in the right way.

Thank you so much for sharing all of that — it really helps hearing from someone who’s actually been through it. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it, so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that.

I really appreciate what you said about medication, rest, and slowly bringing back routines. I’ve been trying to do that too, even though part of me just wants to leap straight back into life. My team keeps telling me to take it slow, but I find that hard — I’m curious and restless to move forward again, to take more proactive steps, because it feels like one of the only ways I can escape all the lingering symptoms and fogginess. When I’m focused on something meaningful, I feel better about myself.

I also relate to what you said about trust and memory. It’s strange feeling so aware and disconnected at the same time — like I can see people, but there’s a wall between us that wasn’t there before. Your reply makes me feel a little less alone in it.

Thanks again for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply. It really means a lot 💛

@Tazzie27

That definitely goes both ways - I also am grateful for being able to share experiences with someone who’s been going through it because I don’t really have that in my day to day.

Maybe put together a bit of a plan of how you want to move forward with your normal work/life activities and tell them that you feel it’ll be productive for you because it’ll bring some of the focus off what you’ve been through and be a bit of a welcome distraction. But also acknowledge that you won’t push too hard so you don’t go backwards or not process what you need to.

Hey, I can relate to this- that really awful disconnection and otherness. I found small easy routine - which sounds like what you are doing, to be helpful. But really just wanted to reply to say it is hard, and hope it gets easier soon.

@Tazzie27 I'm autistic and I've also had psychotic episodes.

Yes, I'm always dissociated for a while after a psychotic episode, it is the brain's way of having some time to rest and heal.

I find things get better slowly week by week and it takes about 6 months to be fully functioning again.

Taking anti-psychotic medication has been the most helpful thing for me. I find having some time to really rest is also important. Just having a break from anything in which I would be expected to pretend to be normal. You're so much more active than I am after an episode. It is fantastic that you are trying so hard, just be mindful that it can be exhausting if you push yourself too much. Psychosis is like an injury, it is good to be active, but you have a rest period and start gently and slowly build up your strength. There are a lot of good resources about autistic burnout that also apply to post-psychosis recovery. Psychosis is a type of autistic burnout, especially when you consider all the social and sensory demands of hospital, as well as the psychosis itself.

Your treating team should have more confidence in you if you can show them that you understand the importance of taking your medication and have been taking it as per their directions. Once you've reassured them that, yes you are taking your medication and avoiding illegal drugs, then they should be more open to the idea of work and study. If they are still reluctant to encourage work/study, ask them what they are specifically concerned about. Explain to them what the advantages are for you being productive and show them you are open to compromising to address their concerns. Try writing down some short-, medium- and long-term goals and showing your treating team.

I understand how frustrating it can be. I hated having to take so much time off from studying when I was recovering. Studying was a really important part of my identity and my case manager refusing to let me go to school was very difficult for me. It turned out there was an alternative study option, but my case manager just assumed I wouldn't be interested in that because I had social anxiety. It can be helpful to be assertive if there is an activity that you think would really help your recovery to try. I think being too passive meant I had to take more time off school than I really needed to take.

Hey @Tazzie27

I experienced a psychotic episode ten years ago. Different diagnosis, but I will share a little in case it helps.

• Is it normal for reality to still feel a bit unreal, even months later?

For me it was - it is okay that it takes time to integrate those extreme experiences into what you know is objectively real.

• Is memory issues and trouble trusting people common?

For me, yes. Instead, I practiced appreciation and gratitude for the people who I could see had objectively stood by me (in lieu of trust) while I recovered.
I never thought the memory would come back to normal, but over time it has - it just took a bit longer.

• How long does this “after” phase usually last?

This is individual. I started having more regular kind-of days than 'after psychosis' kind-of days at around the six-month mark. It's been ten years, and I still have the occasional "after psychosis" day maybe once every six months or so, but I implement my strategies/tool box as best I can, and I have another regular kind-of day again soon enough.

• What helped you start trusting your mind and surroundings again?

Time. Focusing on unimportant practical tasks with real, objective physical results. Things like weeding a garden, colouring in, walking from point A to B and taking a photo to record it for myself, making a painting, sewing a quilt, writing down a list of the practical activities I did in my journal at the end of the day, keeping "to-do" lists and checking items off as I go. I could tangibly touch the result from my actions, which helped me to trust they were real.

• How can you gain your mental health team’s confidence for returning to work or study after everything?

Keep showing up 🙂

To answer to your questions, yes I still felt paranoid months after the episode. What I did was, I kept going, I kept having hobbies, something fun and light hearted such as improv, even though, I had problems trusting people.

• Is it normal for reality to still feel a bit unreal, even months later? Yes, the reality was still unreal for a long time. How long? that was depended on many factors. I didn't keep tract of the time so I didn't know. But everything was sureal like you just woken up from a bizzare dream.

• Is memory issues and trouble trusting people common? I had issues with trusting people, especially the ones that seem to be a spy. I thought knew knew who the spies where back when I had an episode. And so they looked strange to me. I even obsessively put code words to people. Like snakes for people who had long hair and wear sunglasses
• How long does this “after” phase usually last? I didn't time this, but i think it would be months, or even a year. but this phase usually went away on its own after the right treatment.
• What helped you start trusting your mind and surroundings again? With the right meds and time and someone you can talk to openly, usually a friend, or a partner, and a good time. Not with drugs or alcohol, but with friends and fun hobbies, anything that you think it's fun at all.
• How can you gain your mental health team’s confidence for returning to work or study after everything? For me it was time and friendship, I had close friends that I could talk to about anything. and not to overload yourself too much