MBT Therapist in Melbourne and surrounding suburbs

No need to apologise @EternalFlower

I don't expect an immediate reply, there is no time frame. You can choose not to reply. I'd probably wonder if I I said something wrong though haha anxiety much 😂

Transform moments, one bite at a time.

Trying to take my own advice, not easy.

Degree in literature! How fascinating!

Tomorrow is another day, I've booked myself in for an infrared sauna session. I find that very helpful to regulate.

@peaceandsafety schema sounds good. No pressure at all, just wandering your thoughts on ACT? i've found some comfort in that therapy. They sometimes have done it in public mental health settings i've used - like Area Mental Health or PARC respite centres, and i've responded to it. I like the idea of schema therapy but am new to it. I don't much like CBT 😞 DBt has a lot of value. I like at least that your therapist works in different modes. Shows a high level of education.

@EternalFlower I can't say that I've done much with ACT. Probably read a book or 2.Russ Harris, Happiness Trap comes to mind. No idea why.

Finding comfort in a therapy is important. There also needs to be some level of discomfort as the ability to grow is strengthened in the moments that forge us.

Schema, on its own for me didn't provide much at all. It could have also been the timing in my life, the facilitator, the approach, my expectations etc.

CBT is a funny one for me. When I'm only frayed at the edges it can be helpful, when I torn apart it's useless to me.

It's 415am, I had a call with the RTT (rapid transformational therapist). Going to consider their 6 week program.

Hello @peaceandsafety,

My pleasure! And it's SO understandable that you felt that way, not embarrassing at all (but I understand why this might have come up for you - I experience some shame after expressing big emotions too).

And of course, when we are in that place, we often view things from a very black and white lens. It's hard to sit with nuances when we are in fight/flight.

I am so glad you have had lots of support. The music event sounds fun too! When is it?

Gosh, that must have felt rather bittersweet? I have been there, and yes, it is absolutely comforting and confusing. I have found that dynamics shift when the 'relationship' title changes as well... we do tend to put less pressure on a friendship and it certainly helps with being more present and open (especially when triggered). Sometimes, people are better friends to us than partners - and as much as that can hurt, it can also be really wonderful. You should be really proud of your ability to explore your connection in this new phase - that takes a lot of maturity.

Oh, that's so fine! That's why I am here. But thank you for asking. I am doing well at the moment.

PS: I have a weekly intention-setting thread, would you like me to tag you so you can join in? 🥰

Hi @AuntGlow ,

I feel so emotionally exhausted today.

A friend cancelled plans on me yesterday and I split on her. I don't attack other people, I attack myself.
Something along the lines of "I don't blame you for cancelling, I am poison to be around".
Sigh.
FP invited me over for dinner with her family last night.
Not the first time I've seen her, but the first time I've seen her daughters and been in her home since...

I cried so much when I saw the girls....they just held me....
How messed up is that, I felt more comforted and nurtured from little human in their teens than I have the majority of my entire life....

I sent some letters of acknowledgement and taking responsibility to some people that I split on pretty bad once upon a time.
One has replied with heavy scepticism asking what is my intent... I understand that response.

Music, a few metal gigs and one techno one.

Yes please, tag me to the intention chat and I will join.

I do wish there were face to face support groups.

I understand online is easier to access. I think I just need real connection at times. I'm on my own 99% of the week....

Hello @peaceandsafety,

This must have been really overwhelming... it sounds like a big trigger came up for you when she cancelled? It is so, so hard when we have been through a trauma that leaves our nervous system feeling unsafe when a connection shifts or changes. I really want to validate that your reaction makes sense and this part of you deserves so much love and compassion. 💛

It sounds like their love and support of you is really genuine, which must be so comforting. I can hear you really care about them too. How often do you think you will get to see them moving forward?

Wow, this kind of accountability takes a lot of self-awareness and courage. I am really proud of you for doing this and I hope it creates more space for self-compassion and forgiveness.

Ooh metal and techno! You like the hard stuff. 💪

I shall!

And have you explored Grow Groups? There might be one in your area: https://grow.org.au/find-a-group/

I think in-person connection is a wonderful idea! 🥰

Hi @AuntGlow

It was overwhelming.
Intellectual brain knew it was legitimate, emotional brain just went "nup!"
She called me later in the day, I missed her call, called her back and she said she thought she wouldn't hear from me for quite some time. I think I've reacted this way to her in the past.
She did ask, "I assume that was you going through a split?"
It was.
I'm not proud of it.

Later than night I spoke to another friend and I realised how many times I split on her.
There was even a period where we didn't talk for 2 months.
During lockdowns, she was my Wednesday dinner buddy - that's how close we are.

She offered to sit with me to try explain to my parents about my mental health, how many people would do that... and I react so poorly when I haven't been able to handle it...

I don't know how often I'll see them. Now that the relationship is no longer, we won't be spending that time together.
I don't have my own family, I've never been married.
For a moment, for a brief time, I felt I was a part of something bigger than me.
Then, it's all gone.

I've hurt a lot of people through my inability to recognise, regulate and articulate my emotions.

I'm avoiding my parents right now. They are my biggest trigger.
All they can offer is "do you want to come over for dinner?"
I know that's their only way of knowing how to show care but I couldn't think of a more uncomfortable position to put myself in.
They don't have the capacity to understand mental health. Different generation. Squeeze it down, work, die.

Oh no! Not the hard stuff haha.

What I listen to follows the same musical pattern as classical (yep, MetalCore and Melodic Techno have the same pattern to create a journey).
With metal, most people just hear screaming and associate that sound with aggression and anger.
In truth, the lyrics generally speak about pushing ahead, acknowledging wrong doings to others, heart break, perseverance. The real stuff of life.
Melodic Techno takes that to a different level where there are no vocals (or very little) and that journey comes through in an incredibly clever layer of notes and sounds.

Can you tell I'm hyper sensitive yet? lol

No, I hadn't heard of Grow Groups.
Thank you, there seems to be a few not too far from me.


I'd like to celebrate a little win today.
I woke up in suicidal ideation.
Somehow, meditation, gym, vitamins, I don't know, maybe the supplements [edited by mdoerator] makes a difference when mixed with banana and protein... it passed.
I've been thinking about it all day.
Part of me doesn't feel that's right, I should feel terrible and not feel ok. Look at how many people I've hurt.

That thought doesn't even bring it back.

I was able to talk to FP without dysregulation, from a place of feeling somewhat grounded, on topics that would have crumbled me on a day ago.

My brain then went into analysis mode, maybe I'm bipolar? Am I feeling frantic? No. Am I feeling euphoria and joy? No. Do I feel a desire to be impulsive? No.
Thinking thinking thinking always thinking.

How are you feeling at the moment?

Good evening @peaceandsafety,

It sounds like she held your experience with a lot of sensitivity and awareness here. I wonder if you could talk with her about a plan for if this happens in the future?

This other friend sounds really caring too, and I get the sense that this is a testament to the kind of person you are. The part that splits isn't all of you. 💛

Having this dynamic shift must be really painful... and I can imagine it would be harder to regulate with these changes occuring?

I understand your parents being the biggest trigger, that must be extremely overwhelming in itself. It sounds like boundaries around when you see them will help to support your nervous system too.

Ah, yes - of course!! I love this so much. 🤩 Tell me what melodic techno artists you listen to!! And I absolutely understand how powerful metal can be. Music is so healing.

And we completely understand hypersensitivity here. 🥰

Please let me know if you end up going to the groups.

Wow! So, you took care of your body and despite your familiar thoughts coming in, you were able to stay regulated - is that right?

I think we can go through ebbs and flows in our emotional states and nervous system sensitivites - and so many things can impact this from our supports, environment, what we have done that day... and it definitely sounds like nurturing your body helped, which makes so much sense, because your emotional life exists in the body! And when the body is more regulated, we can have more control over our thoughts. Good on you, such an amazing win!

I encourage you to note this down, so you can track contributing factors for regulation/dysregulation. And know that none of this is 'good or bad', but simply, information that will help you to understand your mind and body a little better. 🫶

Hi @AuntGlow

Apologies for the late reply.
I took some time off work, stayed away from my phone as much as possible and say by a beach for a few days.

It sucks, having this awareness, seeing the threads, and still having this empty, scared feeling in my core.

Favourite melodic techno artists... oh gosh!
Moritz Hofbauer, Cheery, Massano, Christ Advantgarde, Avis Vox, Tescao, Marie Vaunt, Patrick Scuro... I can keep going and going....

I felt, calm, I guess, grounded whilst away the last few days.
Like it wasn't me.
I'm back now, and the world is quiet, my cat is my lap as I write this, work tomorrow, I have a sense of panic in my chest.
I had company for a few days, by the ocean, I walked for hours in the rain, tanned, read (The Monk who sold his Ferrari).
I feel like I'm a bit of a fraud. Seeking awareness and growth both for my human side and spiritual side, with the full knowledge that my brain doesn't work like everyone else's around me.
In my entire life, I have only come across one other person with BPD and they are very different to me, they are very upbeat and don't crave the company of someone else, they are comfortable in themselves.

I know this is all information, data, I just can't seem to find comfort in any of this...

That sounds so incredibly grounding! @peaceandsafety I am so glad you took this time for yourself to re-centre. I hear you, lovely. It's not easy at all. I am curious, what do you think that scared feeling might need right now? (You don't have to go there if it feels too much, you can always tell me when something doesn't feel okay or safe to explore!)

oooh, which one should I listen to first? 👀

"I felt, calm, I guess, grounded whilst away the last few days. Like it wasn't me." It's always so strange when we access our more calm selves, and if we often exist in fight/flight, it can absolutely feel like it isn't really us. (I experienced this during meditation once. I was like, whoaaah I am WAY TOO CALM and it's freaking me out! 😂) But the amazing thing is that over time, you can have more access to this part of yourself, and it becomes less scary. And the more amazing thing is that part really is you. 🫶

I get why panic and vulnerability might be coming up for you being back. How was work today?

The feeling like a fraud is so real!! But I want you to know that so many people feel this way - like they are different. But I find you very relatable and wonderfully human. You are allowed to seek awareness and growth to nurture your spritual self and sit with your emotional intricacies along the way - that is exactly what it's about! How can we become curious about these parts of you? I wonder if there might be some comfort in that? 🥰