I can hear how much weight you're carrying right now - and how much you care about your family. What you're describing isn't failure - it's your nervous system running on absolute empty while trying to keep everyone else afloat... @rosieC13
Let me share something that might shift how you're seeing this > your body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do when it's been in survival mode for too long. The anger, the overwhelm, the feeling of crippling stress - these aren't character flaws. They're your system's way of saying "I need something for ME."
Two Practical Tools You Can Use Right Now:
1. The 4-7-8 Breath (for when everything feels too much)
- Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts
- Hold for 7 counts
- Breathe out through your mouth for 8 counts
- Do this 3-4 times
This isn't about "relaxing" - it's about giving your nervous system a signal that you're safe enough to come down from high alert, even just for a moment.
2. The Body Scan Check-In (5 minutes, anywhere)
When you feel the anger rising or the overwhelm building:
- Place one hand on your chest, one on your belly
- Notice where you feel tight or tense
- Just acknowledge it, "My shoulders are up near my ears" or "My jaw is clenched"
- Then consciously release just 10% of that tension
You don't have to fix it all - just notice it and give yourself permission to soften even slightly.
I'm SURE you've heard this but I'll say it again > You can't pour from an empty cup - and right now, you're not just empty, you're running on fumes. Every bit of energy is going OUT - to your babies, to your husband's recovery, to managing a new posting location away from support, to holding it all together.
When we're constantly giving from an already-depleted state, our nervous system starts rationing energy. And anger? Anger is often what shows up when we've been ignoring our own needs for too long. It's your system's last-ditch effort to create a boundary, to push back against all the demands.
Here's the truth that might be hard to hear > Taking care of yourself isn't selfish - it's strategic. Your babies need a regulated mum more than they need a perfect mum. Your husband needs a partner who has something left to give, which means you need to fill your own cup !!!
Think about what you're teaching your kids right now. If they grow up watching Mum run herself into the ground, never rest, always put everyone else first - what are they learning about how to treat themselves? About what they deserve?
By taking even small moments for yourself, you're showing them that:
- Their needs matter AND so do yours
- Rest isn't weakness
- Asking for help is strength
- People deserve care - including the person doing the caring
START SMALL ♡ Instead of trying to be the "perfect" mum and wife, what if you aimed for "regulated enough to be present"?
That might look like:
- 10 minutes alone in the car doing the 4-7-8 breath before you go inside
- Asking your husband to take the kids for 30 minutes while you just sit in silence
- Saying "I need a moment" when you feel the anger rising, instead of letting it explode
- Accepting that "good enough" parenting from a regulated nervous system beats "perfect" parenting from depletion
You're Not Failing (KNOW THIS)... You're doing exactly what countless military spouses do - holding everything together while your partner serves, managing the invisible labour, navigating isolation, dealing with constant change. Add two babies under pressure, PPD, and your partner's injury? You're surviving an incredibly challenging situation without adequate support.....
The anger you're feeling toward your husband? I'd bet there's also anger at the situation, at the lack of support, at how hard this all is, at not being able to fix everything. And he's the safest place to let that out - even though it's straining your relationship.
Moving Forward ~ Start with the two regulation tools above. Use them when you feel yourself tipping into overwhelm. And please know - asking for support isn't adding to his burden. Finding someone to talk to (whether that's professional support, other military spouses, or trusted friends) might actually ease the pressure on your relationship because you'll have somewhere else to process what you're carrying.
You deserve care too. Not because you've earned it by being perfect, but simply because you're human and you're trying your best in really difficult circumstances.
Your family doesn't need you to be perfect. They need you to be okay. And right now, okay starts with acknowledging that you can't give what you don't have - and it's time to start refilling your cup, even in tiny increments.
You're already a good mum and wife. You just need some support to keep being one without burning out completely.
Holding space for you in this. You're not alone, even though it feels like it right now ♡
- Open Arms (1800 011 046) - 24/7 counselling for veterans and families
