Moving Beyond Grief & Trauma & enjoying life again

Good Afternoon, i was encouraged to share my story on this platform after working with various grief organisations which have been a great source of empowerment for myself. I am 33 and sadly lost my mum to terminal cancer in June 2021 and my dad to oesophaegal cancer in June 2022 after losing my younger brother in a car accident in 2014. The realisation of sometimes seeing old family photos and losing 3 of your 5 family members is certainly tough but something i work through with the acceptance of understanding not everyday will be a good day and thats ok.

When my mum was diagnosed in September 2019 she was in hospital for awhile but returned post rehab in April 2020, however she had my grandparents, uncle, support workers, family helping her through which allowed me time to sort my emotions on the matter, sadly life hits you the hardest when you least expect and my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in March 2021 which he had a whirlwind of complications along with a father who means alot to me but is a poor handler of emotions was a hard time made even moreso that he didnt have any family support meaning i had to look after him by myself while my older brother completely abandoned him which was hard.

Losing my mum and not being able to grieve as i need to take my dad to chemo every 2 weeks and all the fallout and emotional heaviness from death conversations was really hard considering at the time i was 29/30 doing this by myself and i remember getting these stomach pains which at the time with my luck i thought was stomach cancer but was just stress (had a great doctor) and when my dad did pass i was thankful cause i had nothing left to give to a cancer journey that was close to 3 years and had so many down and scary moments.

For the next 6 months was almost like a personal prison, i lost my self identity and confidence and was like where do i go now and found it hard to integrate in society and thankfully the lowest moment came when i said to myself am i ever going to get a fair crack in life, thankfully thats the lowest i got and worked hard with my psychologist, doctor, grief counsellor and friends to just rebuild. And i remember in Jan 2023 me saying to myself i gotta take more risks and start living my life with no fear.

I started integrating in large group settings that i withdrew from out of social anxiety, i travelled europe solo for 4 months which was the best thing i ever did, and the person i was became a memory to the person i have become........someone who enjoys life, energetic, has fun, talkative but more importantly grounded to the pains of life which makes you appreciate life even more. From that groundness i have worked with a number of grief and trauma charities helping kids who have lost parents and help them in there journey post grief.

I will say with complete truthfullness the journey through pain, hardship, mental health etc is not easy and is not done alone. You are the master of your own destiny but being open and honest with yourself means you can be open and honest with those around you and step by step you become a powerful and honest person who can inspire. These days i am very extroverted and referred to as the energy and life of parties but that occured because i had the confidence to be honest to those around me when i was struggling which still happens these days from time to time and talk about things and the end result is you and you only becoming more powerful and strong than you realise.

Hopefully anyone reading this message learns that happiness and lust for life doesnt happen from being invited to parties or wealth but moreso from the confidence you build for yourself when you learn to accept yourself for who you are and when its all said and done if you can navigate your way through grief, trauma, mental health (things that people cant overcome) then you can do anything in life with confidence and little fear which is what i learned about myself.

Think of this way, mental health, grief, trauma etc are our own personal prisons, if we can navigate our way out of our own personal prisons through honestly, sincerity, openness and being ourselves then we can overcome anything in life thrown at us and you need to have the self belief to do that slowly and surely and live without fear