A song that describes your current emotional state TW

Hello lovely, I realised we have a couple of discussions to come back to, so I will respond to them here! @Mustang67

Firstly, it would have been so nice to have Easter with your family... but so tough to not know how many Easters mum has left. I am hoping there are still many more for you all. 💛

How are things with your daughter? I am wondering if she's feeling okay and safe at her dad's place? I am also wondering if you're feeling safe and supported at your home/with your partner right now too?

We don't need to talk about this if it doesn't feel okay to as well, I am just wanting to check-in and let you know I am here. 🥰

It must be so tricky to feel like your sex drive can re-awaken when alcohol is involved, especially when you are so conscious of how that can impact you and your partner. I wonder what would happen if your partner and you explored connection/general intimacy beforehand? Maybe with the antidepressants at play, a little more work needs to be put in to facilitate that space for you?

Have you revisited this discussion with your GP at all?

Looking forward to your reply. ✨

My darling @Mustang67 ……….

without taking any of your story away from you because your story is so important ——-

I’m relating what it was like for me getting on those meds — I’m asking you - isn’t it lovely getting on a site who get our stories ??

antidepressants have given me the strength to realise my mum does not love me.

this is a silly Billy memory ——

here’s my son in year 2002 —- going to the gps and lying down right in the middle of the waiting

room — he was so ill …..

im never getting off them.
however I shake a lot when under stress and notice my face does bright red and need to pretty much lie down all day …..

@AuntGlow @creative_writer @Mustang67 @Bunniekins @heartathome

@TAB

@PeppyPatti this is why I love this site because people like you and the other beautiful member can get and understand where I am coming from. I have always said, that unless you have suffered a mental health issue, you have no idea what it is like and can no relate.

I remember 6 months after my partner died and I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with depression; he told me that I would either be on the antidepressants for up to 5 years, or for life. I am now in my 24th year of being on antidepressants and personally I can't see myself coming off them. But if anyone reading this doesn't agree with what the doctor said, please let me know. Are there any members out there who have managed to come off their antidepressants safely and under their doctor's supervision, and have managed to concur their depression, also please let me know.

I know that now, I am a lot better off mentally than I was 8 years ago, and I have learnt so many things and have come a long way, but somehow, I don't see myself being completely free of some of my mental health issues. And that eats away at me and contributes to the fact that sometimes I don't think I have much of a future to look forward too. My daughter for me, is my grounding tool. Otherwise, I think I would be so lost.

@PeppyPatti I am so sorry that with the help of a medication that helps make you think a bit clearer sometimes, that you have worked out that your mum does not love you. What a horrible realisation to come to. That must have been so upsetting for you.

I have had something similar recently regarding my partner that past. I always thought that we had the fairytale love story. We were so in love and couldn't keep our hands off each other and wanted to spend as much time with each other as possible. I moved in with six weeks after we met, and we were engaged in under 12 months. But after a workshop I did, I realise that most of his behaviour was a form of domestic abuse. Which has got me wondering, if he really loved me at all, or did he just want someone to control. I was 21 when I met him and I was so in love with him, that any red flag that popped up, was very quickly dismissed. I have actually been through all the grieving for his loss, as I realised it was him I was grieving for, it was the person I was when I was with him that I was grieving. And of course, once I realised that he was just an abusive piece of work, who escalated over the 11 years that I was with him, then came the anger stage. And boy was I angry, and I think that I still am a bit. I have not been to the cemetery to put flowers on his grave for over 18 months and a lot of the photos I had of him have been destroyed or deleted from my computer. I still have a couple of photos, but not as many as I used to. Now when I think about him, I no longer think how in love with him I was, because I now know that it wasn't real. I just get mad for the way that he treated me, when I didn't do anything to deserve to be treated that way.

Since we have moved into the caravan at my mum's, she has started calling my partner, my deceased partner's name on a regular basis. So that keeps bringing up the hate that is inside of me for him.

My legs and arms shake and at first, I used to think that it was because of my medication, because it started happening just after a change in medication. But a doctor has told me because of the muscle loss that I have suffered in my arms, legs and back, due to lying in bed for extended periods of time when depressed, it is from lack of strength in them when I use them. It normally happens when I am standing in line at a check out or at the post office. I will normally try and put my arm on something to support a bit of my body weight to take some off my back, but then my arms will start to shake. I find it so embarrassing, so basically, I don't go to the shops at all, unless it is to the chemist for me and my mum's medication.

Do you think it is the stress that makes you shake, or from the medication, but only appears when you are stressed? I am very much like you in the fact that basically I spend most of my day in bed. The only time I get up is when I take my mum to her appointments. And since I have moved, I haven't seen my doctor or any of my social workers. And I really must see one of them.

Sorry I have rambled on for too long. Once I have finished going through my notifications, I am going to read my book and hopefully get an early night tonight.

I know it sounds horrible, but I am glad that I am not the only one who spends so much time in bed.

Good night all.

@AuntGlow I will answer your message you sent tonight hopefully tomorrow. I need to be in the right frame of mind to reply.

@creative_writer @Bunniekins @heartathome @TAB

I am so glad you and @PeppyPatti have each other, @Mustang67. 💛

Regarding my message, I would like to reiterate that you absolutely do not have to share anything you don't want to, okay? I was wanting to make sure I hadn't missed any of the important points you shared with me a few weeks back, but I understand how much things can shift and change in that time, so I will always respect what feels right and safe for you to discuss.

We can also talk about coins and creativity too - whatever helps to support you right now. 🥰

@PeppyPatti your resilience never ceases to amaze me. I can't imagine how painful this realisation must have been for you... you deserve the utmost love and support, especially from a parent. It sounds like your husband has created that space for you, is that right? 💛

yes, been on ADs a few times @Mustang67 couple years longest . went off them by myself and under drs instructions I just though they served their purpose and go to point where side effects outweighed benefits so thought will do it myself

@AuntGlow just know that my daughter is currently safe and has already decided that she as soon as she finished school she wants a job so she can move out. But I am hoping that I would have found a rental by then, and she will come and live with us.

I am currently safe and doing ok.

Thanks for checking in on me xxx

WOW @TAB and no other issues have come up. Do you still get depressed?

When I ween off one AD to start another, all I know is that period of time where I don't have any medication, I am not myself. I am super angry and I don't like my behaviour at all.

yes , either it seems normal or I deal with it. @Mustang67

Good to know @TAB thanks for letting me know.

.. go you Powaz !! @Mustang67 lol