TW: Sexual abuse

That's a powerful spirit you've got there @Jessica22 . Pretty amazing.

So glad you have found us and had the courage to open up.

Just a little hint that if you want to tag members into your post, you can type "@" in front of their username so that they get a notification and won't miss yoru powerful posts! e.g. @Jessica22

Hi @Jessica22 one of the other forum members tagged me to your thread.

I am sorry to hear of your childhood experiences.

I am glad that you have found the forums and that you are also looking at treatments for the resulting trauma responses.

I hope that you are able to find some good supports.

There are a number of people on the forums, myself included, with stories similar to yours. So hopefully you can find a supportive group here. I have found the forums to be supportive.

Different people will have different responses to different types (or modalities) of treatment, and people often try a few different therapists to find one that fits. Please do not be disheartened in the first ones are not for you. The main thing to ask is if the proposed therapy is trauma informed and whether the therapist has experience with working with people with childhood trauma.

Anyone can call themselves a counsellor, so it is good to try and see a psychologist and especially a clinical psychologist, as these last two have more training and the last has extensive training in treating mental health conditions through therapy. Your GP will be able to give you a mental health care plan which will help with some of the cost.

Hey there @Jessica22, it sounds like those flashbacks are screaming loud in your head.

I am so sorry this happened to you and that you are going through this. I hope you find strength, healing, and are able to commit to a healing journey that allows you to feel better, find support and know that people will love and accept you even when such awful things have happened to you.

My family has been affected by this heinous crime, I find that I can 'understand the understandable' by reading A LOT of research, statistics, studies that prove WHY it happens...in my mind, that helps to remove doubt about speaking up/feeling horrified. My method is, "I feel horrified and reading these articles proves that I have a right to be horrified. I dont know why it happened in my family, but I do know that abusers have these characterisitcs, they ARE predators, the courts ARE doing a lot of work to catch and punish them, but they are the worst people on earth and I have all this evidence to provce that, they are horrible and the victims are normal people who got 'thrown to the crocodile'....whereas victim blaming has been society's way of letting predators do what they like for decades.

In no way am I saying you should do the above method but I found it very helpful to get through the days of doubt and shame and to say....THEY ARE WRONG, WE ARE STRONG.

Family trauma cuts deep through so many generations and leaves the survivor with so much work.

But, you are a beautiful creation and you deserve to be able to create yourself, to reclaim your life, to create meaning from horrible things and also, to be sad for the things which were lost and taken.

Make sure you reach out to and are engaged with specialised trauma informed services. Your local Rape Crisis Centre, Bravehearts, Blue Knot. The experience they have is amazing and very helpful to the specifics of CSA.

You are strong for reaching out and expressing yourself....and keep on doing that as you move through life. Supporters will support you, people who don't...aren't allowed to be your friend or have a place in your life. Keep on keeping on, and try to find the magic in every day, every week, or every month...just keep trying to find it xxx

Ok thanks first time posting ☺️

Tagging @Sugarshack @Till23 @tyme @AlwaysMyself for @Jessica22 . See the posts above from @Jessica22 .

@Jessica22 , feel free to tag in the members so they get a notification when you post.

@Jessica22 you will get there. The healing journey can be....and probably will be, a long and bumpy road. But it is worth taking because you will find skeletons in the closet, identify them, and be able to kick some out while others might linger around or be there forever. It can be a sad journey, an angry journey, and a surprisingly pleasant journey too, when you let self-love in and let the demons come out.

I am blessed to know people who have addressed the issues given to them by abusers, and I am also blessed know people who have NOT addressed their issues, all people have a story. But people who have addressed their issues tend to have a happier, healthier life because they face the pain, break the cycle and find a way to live a better quality of life.

I found in my own life before I addressed my issues they would fly out all over the place and usually embarrass me or hurt/distance other people. When I made friends with the skeletons in my closet, now I know why they are screaming and rattling at times, and I can better deal with whats truly going on. Your journey may be different and thats ok too. Whats not OK is suffering unnecessarily, or punishing yourself, or putting up with a reduced quality of life because somebody or multiple people told you or otherwise made you believe you deserve that.

NOPE! Trauma survivors can be amongst the nicest people in the world because we know the difference between pain and compassion. But people who only know pain, tend to repeat the pain/hurt/shame cycle and it becomes hard to deal with when you want a little bit more out of life.

All the best with your journey and stay close to things and people who bring out strength and the best in you, and sometimes you might get ANGRY.....too! or SAD! Just try to work through those times without burning bridges because in the end it's people who care about you and isolating yourself, rejectioning companionship and joy, is one of the most devastating results of being abused.

@Jessica22 How are you feeling?

@Sugarshack I don't think I've met you on the forums yet 🙂 . I really love the perspective and reflections you gave.

@AlwaysMyself thank you. I can be a strong character and polarising at times, something which does cause problems in every layer of my life but, "I HAVE LIVED THRU **** AND SURVIVED TO TELL THE TALE!" I appreciate your kind words and thank you for appreciating my contributions. A former boss of mine, used to call me the Baby-Babyboomer. I didn't know how to take it at first but, he explained to say that it meant I had the strength and optimism of a Boomer but to some degree, the emotional sensitivity of a person my age, and that he admired that my strong mindset could get a lot done in life, even if he didn't always understand me.

FYI GO BOOMERS! You guys are some of my greatest friends and influences, how lucky you are to have lived through the post-war optimism period. To me, that's what "they" do that upsets some other people, truly they had to live through a shattered society full of people traumatised by the depression and the war - so the boomer generation decided to forge on the best they could, create rock and roll and just live, for the sake of living. What's wrong with that? Nothing, really. Like every generation they have their strengths and weaknesses as a demographic, and its on every individual to honour the best of every other individual, and refrain from judgemental, divisive and jealous/conflicted behaviour towards others.Because that in itself is the road to interpersonal peace and the ability to cope with and embrace inevitable differences.

Have a tops day mate!