Relationship

Hey @Coco-star

It sounds as though this is a really difficult situation to be in. How do you think your partner would respond to the suggestion that you live separately again? Some couples do find that it's healthiest for their relationship to live apart, it's all about finding what works for you.

And ultimately, it's important to feel safe and comfortable in your own home, so if you're not feeling this way when living with your partner then it sounds like a very reasonable step to consider living apart again.

Hey .I think if you live apart, then it's not a relationship at all ..do whatever you feel is apt..but if you looking for a true friend..I am always here .

Hey @Aron , I hear what you are saying.

But then again, I've known people who have a much better relationship living apart than they do together, and hence they've chosen to live in different houses.

I guess it's about what works for them, bearing in mind that it can be static too.

We have lived apart for a year and I always get into dodgy circumstances because of the lack of affordable housing in Australia at the moment. We usually work things out but I’m getting a bit tired of me putting up with poor behaviour in every relationship I am in. I can be the problem too but I often feel like people misunderstand me. I just think he is highly autistic and trying his best but I’ve never liked his anger outbursts. I get angry too but I have to control mine and behave more adult. I think things will pan out how they are meant to. I know a couple people in life that do not live with their partner and it’s fine. It’s just bad when it’s always confusing like the next time I make a decision like that it has to be final decision or else he gets too confused and it makes things worse. If that makes sense. There’s just no affordable rentals anymore it’s crazy how the world is going. Individualist society and lack of community and social justice for minority groups. We both just get down in the dumps but there are good things happening. Gotta stay in love and light somehow. It’s really hard

Loving how you see things. I hear how stressful rentals are @Coco-star . I hear how difficult getting housing is. I hope you get to do what works for you both. Have you tried talking to him about a 'plan of attack' the next time things get heated?

I'm not an expert with autistism, but I've done enough work in the area to know that mapping out things clearly can make the whole social situation a lot more predictable.

For example, for some, I've had to do role plays with them or give them a social script so they know what to say/down when the other party behaves in a certain way.

Thoughts?

I have written out scripts for myself.

it’s just really poor behaviour and lack of professionalism from the realestate and landlord. All these people are part of the problem in Australia. We are good tenants and they are leaving it to us autistics who have to master neurotypical conversation to survive because of other peoples lack of care or effort seeing the big picture.

im very grateful to finally have a safe ish home to sleep and eat in and try to get a break from the chaos.

it is so silly our landlord won’t just pay $80 for the mowing (our neighbour is 80 plus years old she can’t mow and is probably on limited income herself)

it’s just depressing really. Our realestate tried to make a verbal agreements with my bf over the phone instead of email so it’s not on paper and they are all bullies. They will not look after renters. Not everyone is born into wealth and stability. Not everyone gets that privilege.

Australia is a beautiful country and we should be looking after each other better- especially with the class divides and boomer judgments.
sorry I’m angry at everyone because I feel like everyone is out for themselves again.

I will form a plan of attack with my bf today we are so exhausted from already being homeless and in toxic living situations - there are so many mansions in this area that are sitting vacant for holiday accommodation for Sydney population. It booms here in Summer. 🌺

Then again @Coco-star , it can be quite taxing to always be on the hyper alert 'just in case' something bad happens. Sometimes, we don't realise how wearying hypervigilance is until we are removed from it.

Hope you are okay. I hope you find ways to better manage what is happening for you.

Take care.

Thank you for your support. I have calmed down now- I watched some helpful videos on YouTube. There’s this Therapy in a Nutshell channel and she is very good to listen to. I forgot about my internal locus of control exercise.

sorry for my rant today and take care too

Oh my.. I can identify with you so much.. my partner has never said sorry in his life.. something goes wrong.. it's my fault and I have always put up with that or tried to change.. do better.. but I have had enough of being disrespected by most people but when I try to stand up for myself I seem to get punished more

. I got diagnosed with ADHD in Nov .. our daughter is server ADHD .. when she does something wrong it is my bad parenting. I would ike him checked for autism.but there is nothing wrong with him.. I am the one with problems.. we sleep in different bedroom same house and ignore the other exists.. I feel so alone ...