Flooded

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I'll sit - or float - with you.

I just got back from leave this week. How have you been?

Glad to see you on here.

@Former-Member @CherryBomb

I am so utterly over all the band aid solutions that people keep offering. There is solid research to show that brains can be healed from complex trauma...but I can't find a psychologist willing to put the time and effort in. I know I would super benefit from DBT, but I simply haven't been able to find a DBT therapist. I super like my current psychologist (therapist-take-nine) and I sure as hell don't have it in me to keep therapist shopping, but even though she describes herself as "drawing on techniques from DBT," she simply doesn't seem to have a strong understanding of the model or how BPD is conceptualised within the theoretical framework underpinning DBT. To her, DBT seems to simply be the skills component...which is the issue I constantly ran into while therapist shopping. The latest clash has come about because according to the DBT treatment manual, therapists who can't provide between-session phone contact shouldn't treat BPD clients. I am a BPD client, X is a psychologist who doesn't provide between-session phone contact. We have now had eleven sessions and still haven't come up with a plan about what the heck I am supposed to do when I'm in crisis between sessions. And so I lie on the floor of my loungeroom and cry and make weird noises and focus on my breathing. I can do that. I can do it and I can keep myself alive doing it. But this is not a life that I consider worth living. I want to HEAL my brain. I have been doing the distraction stuff and the mindfulness stuff and the self-soothing stuff etc etc etc for TWENTY YEARS. I'm over it. It's not that I can't do it, I simply don't see the point any more.

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@Loulathecat wrote:
Oh I love your love for turtles. I went swimming with then and sharks last year. Best experience in my life! Turtles are the best! Especially the sea green turtles. What's your favourite turtle.

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@Former-MemberI am a sea turtle - like Crush from Finding Nemo.

@Former-Member I hate the whole world and I have giant feelings...thank you for helping me do the opposite action thing - anything to do with Finding Nemo is guaranteed to make me smile even when my whole being is flooded with big feelings. I should probably spray paint that on the wall of my loungeroom to remind me to put Finding Nemo on when flooded .

@Phoenix_Rising can I be a sea-otter and float on my back beside you?

It's so frustrating to not be able to find a pscyhologist who can offer in between sessions, and I don't blame you for not wanting to find another pscyhologist. It's a complex situation, so it might take some time to work around - though I hear what you're saying 20 years is a long time to be going through this.

From what you've written, it sounds like you feel like you're running out of options. I get worried when I see statements like 'I don't see a point anymore'. Will check in with you via email.