Trigger warning

Hey @Rhymster, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

Sounds like you have been through a lot and may be experiencing trauma about what happened to you. I'm curious have you ever spoken with anyone about this? The people at the Blue Knot Foundation are great had supporting trauma experiences if you haven't heard of them before.

Thanks for reaching out to your peers!

RiverSeal

@RiverSeal yes I spoke with blue knot yesterday for the first time they are excellent and will speak with them more and victims services are paying for a specialist childhood trauma counselor for Me

@Rhymster so sad you had to go through that. i hope and pray you will find relief from the pain underneath all of that.

@RiverSeal @Jynx @Rovja @DogMan79

i do know that my C.P.S.D caused me to develop a paranoid alter, as well as a loveless legalistic perfectionist alter, which in turn delivered me a very low self esteem and a very untrue perspective of myself.

However the excellent counselling i received in 2016 provided me with the knowledge and skills to deal with many of my symptoms and run away emotions.

So paranoia/panic attacks, overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame and rejection when making any mistake, my constant distrust of people trying to help me, and my explosive anger when ignored or badly treated, and the devastating rage this would turn into when psychotic, sitting on top of me hurting all of that underneath stuck with my trauma memories, have all long gone, or lost their power in my life.

Wishing you well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzChFt3gfO0

@Sugarshack It is truly horrible when that happens, and i sincerely hope this will not continue to happen.

Yet only genuine love, forgiveness, grace, kindness, and often specialised counselling, is needed, for the victims to be able to overcome the demons doing the hurting inside. For your mother may well be desperate for help, hurting badly underneath her rage, just as you hurt her rage as well. i hope and pray that one day your mother and you can find togetherness in this reality, instead of being driven apart by it.

Wishing you much healing with regards to all of this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieddlH0GD5w&list=RDieddlH0GD5w&start_radio=1

@DownMoreThanUp that was just a memory until my counselor informed me it was trauma I have faced far worse not from my mother

@Sugarshack she had just left my highly abusive father is why she reacted like that

@Rhymster That's truly awful. It is always horrible to have trauma confirmed. i pray you find healing for the pain you have to go through, and that healing may come where you still suffer your past.

i sure know that bad life forced upon us destroys our good life. Yet after years of suffering unable to gain good life, i now know that cultivating truthful love where we hurt the demons of our past, will destroy the bad life hurting us there in The End.

i also know when i first laid my pain bare, i thought i was going to die the intensity! And if not for the skill fully loving way of my counsellor, i would have hidden back under the covers again. Yet he patiently taught me to process small bites of the enormity of it, slowly diminishing the bulk of my internalised pain over time, so that it would never overwhelm me again, and my explosive anger and rage could not add to the suffering any longer.

A song about the pain and hopelessness we can feel hurting our trauma down there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXeppxzauwM&list=RDtXeppxzauwM&start_radio=1

@DownMoreThanUp thank you Mate, my counselor is great though still trying to figure Me out

@Rhymster I wish you very well and I hope you can find peace inside and outside.

@DownMoreThanUp thankyou for your very kind thoughts and words and concepts.

Here's hoping EVERYONE finds peace and healing.