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Something’s not right

Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

I have multiple mental illnesses including Bipolar 2, cptsd, OCD, social anxiety. I’m also neurodivergent, ADHD and ASD. I already have tons of labels and a lot going on. I’m getting assessed for an ED on Monday during my psych appointment, I reckon I meet criteria so I am anticipating another diagnosis. I know it explains my how I’ve been feeling but it’s another label, I hate feeling so broken and feeling like I’m complicated. I know my disordered eating habits are adversely affecting my mental and physical health, I’ve just been in denial for so long and would also get defensive when people commented on my eating habits or asked about them.

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In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

AlwaysMyselfSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@creative_writer wrote:
@AlwaysMyselfI managed to talk to my psych about the bad SH episode I had weeks back. I have updated my safety plan since and the urges haven’t been as strong so I can resist. My pdoc didn’t tell her about it. The main thing is I’m safe now. I’m trying to manage emotions other ways instead of SHing. I don’t need to SH in order to resist SI.

I hope you’re doing okay💖

@creative_writer 😍 well done! I know that wasn't going to be an easy thing for you to bring up! Sounds like a positive response and outcome?

I'm doing ok - just been easily tired. Been offline last 2 days as I've been tired and/or busy. Tomorrow is the busiest of days.

In response to: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@tyme I am feeling physically ill today, really bad a migraine and nausea. Last night was terrible with palpitations and I had to get up early. I will try to get an early night tonight.

@Jynx it is true you do need to compartmentalise to safely support someone else. I’ve cancelled shifts because I did not feel up to it and felt guilty. I know I had to do it because I was not in the right headspace.

I don’t throw objects around anymore. My meltdowns present as me getting upset and becoming really stubborn.

The scarf balls are pretty straightforward, you just wrap the scarf around into a ball.

I had a full day of class today, just going home now. It was exhausting. I’ll need to take it easy this evening, being this unwell isn’t good for my MH.

How are you today? 💖

@AlwaysMyself I’ve been resisting, last night was really hard. Resisting for the rest of today won’t be easy. I guess all I can do is try. I’m safe right now, but I don’t know how to cope once I’m home.

I hope you are able to wind down today 💖

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

tymeModerator

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Do you need to see your doctor @creative_writer ? It sounds quite stressful to have those palpitations. Hope things have been easier for you today, even if it is a little easier.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@tyme I see my GP and psychiatrist next week. Palpitations have been a lot better today. I do still have social anxiety which makes it unrealistic to not experience heightened anxiety in certain situations. I still had to cope with physical anxiety reactions. Role plays can feel daunting but necessary for my line of work. The anxiety today made more sense than the anxiety and palpitations I experienced yesterday.

I’ve also had abdomen pain for a while now. My stomach burns and feels achy after eating. I do think the stomach issue started before the new meds, I just didn’t give it the attention it needed, so it ended up getting worse. The peak of the abdomen pain has passed, the pain was really intense and felt unbearable the other day. Might need antacids for a while.

The intensity of the emotions has lifted a bit this evening. I just felt super off for a while. I also had a rather odd night last night. I still have a migraine (but less intense) and a stomach ache, but I don’t feel on edge of acting on urges. I’m far from content, but I don’t feel like I’m about to fall right now

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

tymeModerator

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

I'm glad to hear it is a little better today @creative_writer . It was concerning to read your post. If something doesn't feel right, please reach out or even call nurse on call or someone.

Are you winding down for the evening?

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@tyme I will call up the nurse if needed. I’ll touch base with my GP on Monday. I have a history of intense abdomen pain, but I’m lucky I’ve had no chills this time around (I used to get chills years ago). I’ve been diagnosed with GERD in the past, but it is still worth ruling out other causes. I haven’t take any antacids because I wanted to wait for my GP.

I’m going to finish up my night prayers, then I’ll get ready for bed. I need to get up early tomorrow. Hopefully falling asleep will be easier today since I’m less wired.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

I’ve been searching up psychs lately, the process has been super overwhelming. It’s so hard to know who to go to, I really don’t want to bounce between psychs. I know I need change because the intrusive thoughts are still going strong. I can try reasoning with my brain but can’t seem to accept facts. I know sometimes survivors blame themselves to get a sense of control. Maybe stigma also gets internalised. Can’t seem to shake the shame off. I feel like challenging the thoughts is getting me confused because I get lost over conflicting beliefs about myself. I’m not as bad as I was before, but I’ve noticed a bit of a spike in distress levels the last few days. Maybe being migrainey isn’t helping

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

JynxModerator

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@creative_writer sorry to hear you've been feeling unwell last couple days hun. Has a knock on effect on everything, hey.

Something for reflection - what do you think is the 'benefit' of your brain refusing to accept facts? Our brains are always trying to protect us, so perhaps there's some kind of perceived (whether conscious or unconscious) 'benefit' to denying them?

I hope you're able to give yourself a bit of grace, everything is harder when we're also feeling unwell 💜

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

tymeModerator

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

Hey @creative_writer ,

How are you feeling today? I know you mentioned about the palpitations etc. so we were a bit concerned.

In response to: Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Mixed feelings-might be getting another diagnosis (ED)

@Jynx I am still trying to figure out the reason behind the stuckness. I might need to use the therapeutic space to explore the reasons for that stuckness. It is also difficult sitting with the uncertainty of not knowing the way forward. I am still in the process of researching therapists.

Being unwell definitely doesn’t help. Migraines and stomach aches are difficult.

@tyme palpitations can occur when I’m in the orange zone for mania. Orange zone is the pre-manic phase. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’ll progress into mania, but it means I’m more vulnerable. AD need to be carefully monitored with bipolar, so I do think it is worth talking to my psychiatrist. I can also raise the palpitations with my GP in case he wants to rule anything else out. I have to see him for the abdomen pain.
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