TW: i cannot tell

hey @simple-petal just wanted to let you know i've added some spoiler tags to your previous post - i hope that's okay!

Yes please. I don't know if what I am saying is too much and oversharing or triggering, but I am hypomanic presently and when I am like this I am a compulsive writer and talker as well as very energetic and enthusiastic to engage socially. I have never been in a space where I have shared all my experiences openly to others but I know it helps talking to others. I have found looking at what other people are experiencing has been very helpful to not feeling alone or isolated. I appreciate being here and being part of a conversation. I only started to tell people bits of my story in group this year. It is a long story going many years now and it isn't ended. If what I share helps others then this is good and this is my intention. If I am saying too much or the wrong thing then please tell me. I have had quite a lot and long and lived experience with mental poor health. I know what wearing a mask feels like.

really appreciate you sharing your valuable insights and experiences @simple-petal and you haven't said anything wrong! us mods sometimes add spoiler tags/trigger warnings or make edits just to be extra safe, you're not in any trouble at all 😊

thanks everyone yeah I am still confused today I think what is confusing me is that this is very close to how I felt before my last manic episode in the 3-4 weeks before it and so I am worried the same thing will happen but of course idk if it will or not and maybe I am fine now but then what who knows it is so hard to tell. I am nervous to tell my psychiatrist maybe I could tell my psychologist but yeah idk I just feel very like weird idk how to explain it and like my sleep isn’t too bad but it wasn’t last time before either ugh idk I am so confused maybe I am overthinking this whole thing idk.

When I was in hospital the second time around, I asked a man with bipolar how he knew he was unwell/ delusional/manic/psychotic. He said he knows by how much the delusional thoughts are bothering him. I gather he was obsessed by his particular delusion which he shared with me and I cannot share it here with you here as I dont have his consent. I can say it was a scary and worrying and an unpleasant delusion and it was having a big impact on him because he was thinking about it all the time. I don't know if this helps but I have since found this helpful.

Generally I believe that asking questions is a healthy strategy that can empower you to understand your own illness and take part in your own mental health treatment. By being honest and having a good relationship with your treating team you are helping them know how they can best help you and what your worries and fears are and the impact they have on you.

It also helps the psychiatrist understand the problem and to get the diagnosis correct and thereby give you the correct medication/treatment. Is there a problem causing you to have trouble telling your psychiatrist but that you are ok to tell your psychologist instead? With complex mental ill health it is helpful if all the team know what is happening. Is it possible for you to talk to your psychologist first and tell them what's wrong and then maybe they could talk to the psychiatrist for you about what is happening, because if they are also worried by the symptoms you are having then it is reassurance that talking to the psychiatrist is the right thing.

That's so helpful to hear your experiences @simple-petal . Thank you for sharing.

@simple-petal sorry for the late reply i have been very busy anyway i guess it is complicated but there are a number of reasons i am less comfortable with the psychiatrist one is that i have only met this one once before and hardly know them also i have been very badly treated by psychiatrists in the past to the point it has nearly cost me my life on more than one occasion so i have a general distrust of them also i have this constant thought that they are all trying to hurt me and yeah idk it is a bunch of things all together that makes it very hard to trust them but i have known my psychologist for a number of years and at least know her better so she is slightly easier to talk to.

i am still feeling unsure of what is going on with me and i still feel very strange so yeah i still cant tell what is happening but i guess we just have to wait and see.

Hi @Eden1919

it is good if you can talk to your psychologist. They are also highly trained to assess what might be happening when you have symptoms of mental illness. If after you tell them what is happening and you find they share your concerns then you could both work out a way to move forward to seeing the psychiatrist sooner rather than later for assessment. The psychologist can speak to the psychiatrist about seeing you soon and explain the reasons why on your behalf which might be helpful. if they agree that something is not right and you need to be reviewed by a psychiatrist soon then it is better to know what is wrong than remaining uncertain. Can you get to see your psychologist soon?

@simple-petal sorry again for the late reply i see my psychologist in a few days but i think the last 2 days my mood has dropped a bit anyway so i think it is going down again which sucks but yeah idk i will talk to my psychologist soon and see what they say.

Hi @Eden1919

I think your psychologist could be the person to talk to about the things you’ve noticed with your thinking that bother you and how it relates to your mood if that’s who knows you and who you trust. I also find tracking my mood helpful so I can let my psychiatrist know what has been happening and how often my mood cycles or changes. If I have quite a few things that I have noticed and I am organised enough, I’ll write a list to take with me to my appointment. I know the doctor has only a certain amount of time set aside for my appointment. But if I’m not organised and am depressed he knows when he sees me because I’m flat and much less talkative and he has been treating me for many years.
I didn’t have a psychologist until recently so I report my mood changes and changes in thoughts to my psychiatrist. I am fortunate that I have had my regular psychiatrist for over 20 years except I had a different one when I was in the acute mania/psychosis/depression for a year and he wasn’t terribly helpful for me at that time. It was only in hindsight that i recognised that the adhd medication exacerbated the mania when I was seeing the other psychiatrist and it was my partner that suggested to the other psychiatrist that maybe it should be stopped. I understand what it is like to take multiple medications for mental illness. I have just been restarted on another mood stabiliser so hopefully i don’t dip back into depression again. It’s hard to get the medications right and I am now on the 4 different ones again. I am just hoping my mood stays as good as it is at the moment and I don’t dip into depression again, but I think this is unlikely. Anyway sorry for the long reply. I hope your mood doesn’t dip for long.