AuDHD Life: Anyone else?

I used to sit in my car for ages after work, @Captain24. Many years ago I had a housemate who would sit in her car for HOURS after getting home from work. She definitely had ADHD. My car isn't super comfy though and I usually work from home or catch the train to the office.

Gotta recharge your energy after work!

Do you open your messages and stuff, and then forget to respond? I do this, but I've started marking the messages I haven't responded to yet as "unread" even if I've read them, so that I still have a little reminder to reply when I find the energy.

Yeah, it's hard to know whether you're in a non-verbal state or whether you just live alone 😂 When I had a dog I kind of spoke to him, but not HEAPS. I live alone too. I find it kind of hard to explain the feeling of going non-verbal because I just really feel it in my body; like I wouldn't be able to speak even if I wanted to. It's pretty common for Autistic people, but it happens to people who aren't Autistic too.

I sit in my car until the dogs start barking at me. Then I feel bad @0ddsidian. I work 12.5 hour shifts plus 45 minutes travel there and back. Day shifts and nightshifts. They do get babysat by my parents but they still miss me.

If I worked from home I’d never leave the house. When I have days off usually they are 5 in a row and I only leave to go grocery shopping. I do like going out and I don’t like people so it’s too much. I usually shop early in the morning so I don’t see anyone and the supermarket is quiet!

I don’t have my phone at work so I look at my messages when I come out and then forget to respond when I get home! I’ve never thought to unread them. People are learning that I’m really bad especially if I’m working.

Im not sure if the state I get into. It’s hard to speak to the dogs, I don’t answer and calls, I kinda feel non-functional but it’s different. Normally I speak to the dogs a lot and make random noises all the time. They hate it but I find it funny.

I need to live alone as I just can’t do people. I sit in a truck all day on my own with just the 2 way and 2 half hour breaks where I may see people. If the two-way is busy I find it a sensory overload and get angry. So I just couldn’t come home to anyone.

12.5 hours?! That's HECTIC, @Captain24! It's one of the best feelings when a pup is excited to see you when you come home ♥️

I have to make a conscious effort to make myself leave the house sometimes. It would be very easy for me to stay at home for week on end. The supermarket is very triggering for me; mostly the sensory experience. I don't mind people (I mean, look at what I do for work haha) but I'm sensitive to light and sound.

Highly recommend making the messages "unread". I leave them like that until I've responded.

I also rarely answer calls. I really only do it to SOME people I have the number of and only if I've got the mental energy. Have the dogs TOLD you that they hate it? 😉

I am SO the same about living alone. Only a very small part of my job at SANE involves the Forums. A large chunk of it involves talking to people (outloud!) so I'd be so overwhelmed if I came home and had to talk to someone. I have a few friends who like to sit in silence with me though.

I think something that I've struggled with at times is understanding and picking up the tone in text messages / written messages, so I've started sending and asking for voice notes from the people in my life. Not necessarily suggesting that you do this (if you aren't comfortable) but I was just curious whether you've experienced a similar challenge.

I drive a big ass truck in a coal mine so they are big shifts and the 45 minute drive is on rural roads with lots of kangaroos! @0ddsidian

They are always excited to see me and it’s awesome. The older one comes running when I come inside. Has to have lots of pats and love. The little one sits back for a little bit so the older one doesn’t attack him but when it’s his turn all he wants is to come up for cuddles and hates it when I put him back down! They are my life and the only reason I’m alive. I think about what it would do to them if I gave in. Plus I would miss them.

I guess you have lots of contact with people! 😜 I couldn’t do it. I usually stick to mostly my thread as if all got to much trying to communicate with others. Especially when I find them frustrating.

The only calls I answer all the time are the ones from my mum. I reject most of the others.

I don’t get the context either. I don’t when people are talking to me either. I take everything literally and don’t get when they are joking. I get hurt a lot but keep it inside. I don’t want to appear weirder than I already am.

The look the dogs give me is enough! The side eye! The eldest is really good at it and the younger one only does it when I’m really annoying him, too much and he bites me though.

"Big ass truck" 😂 Honestly, that would make me feel powerful, @Captain24.

Awwww they sound so sweet! I miss having a dog sometimes. I've always had animals, so this last 18 months without having any has been a bit weird. Sure, I can come and go as I please and book holidays and stuff, but I do miss having a furry companion to great me when I come home. I'm super glad that they give you some meaning and reasons to keep going ♥️

I do "people-y" things more some days than others. Today was a bit less. I was rarely on camera today and I worked from home. I do see you venturing out of your thread from time to time. It's really nice to see you poking your head out like a turtle and testing the waters 😉🐢

I'll be so for real; I don't answer my Mum about 40% of the time. I don't know if there is anyone in my life that I would ALWAYS answer the phone for.

Sounds like the Autism is strong in you, at least in the "understanding context" part. I definitely misinterpret stuff a lot. Most of my friends are neurodivergent now. It was so much harder when I wasn't surrounded by other people like me. I know this is a bit cliche, but I promise this is genuine; weird is interesting, normal is boring. I never want to be around "normal" people (whatever that actually means!)

I have never understood how animals like dogs and cats and stuff can be so sassy and expressive with things like giving the side eye! Hardcore judged by a furry munchkin 😂

To me now it’s just a job. @0ddsidian. People are impressed when they find out what I drive. Then ask what kind of license I have. It’s private property so all I need is a regular license!

I feel like a house is not a home without a pet. Before I got Pix I had just lost my other one and the house felt empty. I’m so glad I was talked into getting her and now I have two!

Oh there facial expressions are priceless. Pix’s face is quite expressive and she lets you know what she is thinking! She smiles a lot, gives you the side eye and lets you know when she is annoyed. Last night they usually get a treat off mum for the last night that they are there before I finish my block of work. Mum didn’t give her one last night so she got an old bone, placed it in the middle of the lounge room and chewed on it while glaring at mum. Mum was in trouble! 😂

Mum doesn’t really ring that often and it’s not for a chat. Usually there is a reason. Lately she has been ringing more as my auntie has been scheduled so she is keeping me updated. I think mum is concerned that I could end up in the state my auntie is in. They have diagnosed her with bipolar and that’s what I have so I think that has made mum see the light!

I was doing my research and the autism is really strong. It’s deeply enriched in me. I can now see it so much so I’m trying to be mindful of it. I haven’t really told anyone but I did say last night at work ‘oh that’s just my adhd’ so I’m open about that.

I don’t have many friends. Really only 2. They aren’t neurodivergent though. So it’s stands out so much to me how totally different I am. But it also shows me why I can’t make connections.

I really don’t know who you can people. But I’m guessing you have to with your work so maybe you’re conditioned to it. I can people at work but only a little bit. I wouldn’t talk to them out of work though. The being on camera thing would be ok, I’m getting use to that as most of my appointments are Telehealth as there is nothing out here or huge waiting lists.

Sorry.. that was a @Jynx ramble 😝

If this mental health work doesn't work out, watch me get into driving something massive like you @Captain24

I totally agree about it feeling empty without a pet. Isn't it wild that we can pick up on the facial expressions and behaviours of animals better than humans sometimes? ‌‌

That sounds potentially promising with your Mum and the bipolar stuff. My Mum has come to terms with my various diagnoses (she has her own complex mental health / trauma stuff). My Dad has also semi-recently accepted some of it too. I find that they need to do it at their own pace, unfortunately.

Define "connections" though. I've witnessed (and experienced first-hand) your ability to connect on the Forums. Out in "the wild" might be tricky. Sometimes certain environments can also be harder to find connections in too. I've found it easier to connect with other neurodivergent people, personally. I've had the most success when I've been my weird, colourful and authentic self😊

I know you're just at the beginning of all of this, so I'd really encourage you to be kind to yourself. There is so much to learn and we will forever be learning about ourselves. I learn something new about myself CONSTANTLY.

I do think I'm very used to it (peopling). I think it's helped that (most days) I'm okay with and accept myself as I am. Which has taken a very long time to get to.

They are putting people on all the time at work so let me know 😂 @0ddsidian

I definitely get my dogs more than I get people. I’m more attracted to animals then humans (ASD)

I just got off the phone to mum and told here about the ASD as well. It’s the first time I have told her. Everything going on with my auntie has opened her eyes up. She has been in a lot of contact with another auntie and that auntie has been doing research and has discovered bipolar is genetic. Mum said yea and that I have it and so does one of my cousins. It also turns out that another cousin has been diagnosed with adhd! We are a family with issues… 😝 Mum is way more accepting now which is really good and I told her she can tell the rest of the family about my diagnosis’s as I dont care anymore, it’s who I am and what makes me who I am.

I never had friends at school as I couldn’t relate and get close to them. I didn’t have that ability. We left school 31 years ago and I e only really ever had 3 friends in that time that I was close too.

I can’t let myself be weird for fear of judgement. My social anxiety is so bad that I have zero confidence around people. I live in fear of any interaction at all times. My anxiety is sky high right now as a I have a support group meeting tonight. I don’t think it’s for me but I’ll give it another go. It’s really weird.

The connection on here is really difficult for me but I’m trying. Maybe if I can talk on here maybe one day I’ll be able to talk in real life.

I’ve accepted that this is who I am but it is only new and I’m learning so much about myself and relating to so much. I can see why I am the way I am.

You seem so together and that’s inspiring and to know you are still learning constantly is a good thing. It makes me feel as though I still have time to figure things out. It’ll be 3 weeks on Friday that I got these last 2 diagnosis, so really really new. But I have learnt so much from looking into things and on here. Especially this thread.

Wow, so proud of you for talking to you Mum about that stuff, @Captain24. That can't have been the easiest thing to do, so HELL YEAH 😊 There definitely seems to be genetic components to most mental health issues and also things like Autism and ADHD. I'd place bets that my Dad is AuDHD. There's a lot of evidence that also talks about how trauma across many generations (intergenerational trauma) is passed down. I recently had a conversation with my Grandma (who is v old) about her family, and turns out there is A LOT of trauma going back many many generations. My Mum, sister and I now have the choice to actively work on healing those trauma wounds.

Do you want to practice "being weird" with us? I know @Jynx and probably MANY other people would be down! Tell me something "weird" / quirky about you. I'll go first (and even give you three).
1. I get incredibly freaked out by groups of ants (where there are like 10 or more of them).
2. I have a septum piercing, which sometimes has a weird smell to it, but I actually like it and find it comforting.
3. Wearing rubber gloves makes me panic

Is the support group in-person or online? Do you have a routine of things that you can do to lessen the anxiety (I know it's unlikely to completely go away).

Your effort is noticed and is impressive. I think you do a much better job of connecting than you give yourself credit for 😊

I aim for self-acceptance over self-love any day! It feels like less pressure, and obviously we're not going to feel upbeat, positive and confident every day. Humans are too complex for that.

Some days I feel more "together" than others. I'm feeling good today, but some days I feel like a hot mess. Hearing about other people's stories has made the world of difference to me too, so I'm glad to help. I think spaces like this are so valuable and honestly can really reduce the stigma that is often associated with the labels / diagnoses we get.