Struggling with life

@Tiger_eye thankyou for being so open about your situation.

Does you employer have and Employee Assistance Plan, with counsellors you can contact.

I really feel for you, I have been in the same situation, unfortunately for me it took alot of time to implement the change. I understand the environment is really toxic for you, but all I felt I could do in that situation was take one day at a time and see the job as a temporary means to an end. I can't remember names off the top of my head but there are organisations out there that can assist with finding suitable employment for someone in a situation like yours, hopefully someone else in the forums can help with that.

In the mean time, stay strong, focus on your kiddo, you got this.

Hi @Tiger_eye

I'm hearing how difficult this has been for you and I'm really sorry to hear how severely you've been impacted by this toxicity from your boss. I'm hearing that it's caused some other things to surface, which sounds like it's been really overwhelming.

It's great that you were able to receive that support during your time off, but it sounds like with returning back to work those underlying issues of not feeling safe in the workplace are still very much there. I'm hearing that you don't feel supported by HR or your union, have you looked into speaking to worksafe/safework (depending on your state) about this? It could give you another option if you do need to take more time off work while you look for another job. I was previously in a situation where I suffered burnout due to unsafe working conditions and was able to access worker's compensation which allowed me to have the time off I desperately needed.

I did also just want to let you know that we've removed the medication names from your post in line with our community guidelines.

Take care

I'm not sure which EAP service you use, but in the past, I let EAP know what my situation was and they would 'find' a suitable person for me - they range from counsellors, psychologists, social workers, etc.

I found it very helpful because I got to choose what I wanted and I let them know what wouldn't work for me. I wonder if this is the same for you?

I hope you don't get put off because of one experience of EAP.

Mind you, before using the service, I always had a very bad impression of them, but the experience was better than I expected and they totally supported me. It was about workplace bullying ... hence I'm no longer at that workplace. It became toxic.

Please know you are not alone @Tiger_eye

@Tiger_eye that is really poor considering EAP programs are meant to be neutral territory. Like one of the other members mention, Worksafe/Safework have become a lot more proactive with toxicity amd mental health concerns, they can be blunt and seen intrusive sometimes, but at least everything is documented if it needs to be utilised in the future.

Stay strong. And never hesitate to reach out.

I wonder if the EAP clinician ended up finding they were out of their depth and hence they said they couldn't do anything? If it happens to me, I would ask for someone else @jrn

But who knows?

I just want to say it's great to see you here today too @jrn

Hi @Tiger_eye ,

I can relate to the issue of a toxic workplace. Having a particularly difficult time at work is what led me to look for extra supports and find this forum actually!

I'm really sorry to hear that your org's HR were not supportive of you. ☹️

I was so lucky that for me they were caring and helped me with how to try to address the challenging behaviours, and as things got worse they made time to check in to see how I was coping, if I needed to chat (even just to safely vent), and supported me in taking a week of work whilst waiting for my transfer. (I was fortunate that another coworker of mine new someone with a temporary role vacancy that fits my skills and knowledge very well, so we were able to organise a temporary transfer, and didn't need HR to help me with this.)

This is to say - there are some HR people out there that are good; I think without them I would have lost confidence that I was going to be able to keep working with my mental illness (even though I have been for nearly 15 years).

I have had mixed experience with EAP and would say it really depends on the person you get. And that it is 100% OK to not re-book with the same person, and try a different one! My first person was really good a few years back (but she left), and the second person I tried the next year was not helpful at all. The EAP company my work goes through has the ability to select what type/topic of support you need - and there is one specifically for workplace conflict too.

Worksafe/etc is also a great idea I think. I don't know much about what it involves, but I do know of examples where they have given orders to Gov orgs to improve (and also to cease certain operations until they can implement safety).

When I returned to work after my week off (transfer ended up being delayed for a month), I had tears many days just from the physical reminder of being in the building - even though I deliberately sat on a different floor from where my work area is. I also chose to work from home on any days that my supportive-coworker was not in the office (for me to sit with).

Is there any "workplace adjustments" that would help you cope better until you can get a new job/role/team?

e.g. Working from Home (or another in-office area with more supportive people); or not having to attend meetings, but instead having text-based communications?

(I know all this very much depends on the type of work you do).

Do you have any extra sick leave you can take? (mental health & stress is absolutely a valid reason for sick leave)

@Tiger_eye

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I also took some time off work, about 11 weeks, changed meds etc etc because of extreme pressure/difficult work environment.

While it wasn't my immediate boss who was the issue I definitely was in a bad/dark place.

When I was ready to begin trying to return (because I felt there was no alternative given dependents) my work did engage a consultant to create a return to work plan which did allow me to slowly transition back in and pick up responsibilities again slowly

, I'm not sure if this an option for you but it really helped me. Staggering the approach really helped take something that seemed overwhelming and allowed me to build back up slowly.

Like you I have found EAP hit and miss in the past the real help came from a psychologist.

Post returning to work I have really tried to create some strong boundaries and not taking it so seriously like not having all of my self worth invested in my job, I go there to get paid and sure I want to do my best but that's more a reflection of my values.

Anyway I feel what your going through and hope that you feel ok always here to chat