Father's Day

Personally, today is a difficult one for me.

Last week I lost my Grandad. He was a kind, gentle, beautiful soul so full of light, who left a positive impression on everyone he met. It was his funeral on Thursday.

When I raised the topic of Father's Day with my Dad, he didn't even realise that it was Father's Day. He was my Grandad's power of attorney and had been so busy with all the things that follow the death of a loved one. Yesterday, he told me that he needed a break, he needed time and so we weren't doing anything for Father's Day this year.

This had a huge impact on me, and I was hit with a wave of grief.

Last year, I spent 13 months in QLD isolated from my family, a kind of self-imposed isolation to try and find space for myself to heal. But it did the opposite - I was so homesick that I couldn't settle. But in that time, and especially now, I was keenly aware of the time I was missing out on - time with my family. I've been home now, and when important days come around - this comes up for me. I missed over a year's worth of time with my family.

I missed a year with my niece, a year with my Dad, with my Mum while she was going through treatment for cancer, I missed a year with my Grandad and now, I don't have the opportunity to make up for that.

Today, I sit at home by myself, which creates space for the grief to catch up to me. I can't out run it today.

Hey @NightFury good to see you, thanks so much for making this post. I’m truly so sorry for the loss of your grandad. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for you as well as your dad to be going through such immense grief while also juggling father’s day. I can really see that you’re truly trying and doing your best right now even if it might not feel like it. I’m sitting with you in spirit and sending gentle hugs 💗

I actually jumped onto the forums this morning with some pretty heavy thoughts about father’s day in mind, so I’m super grateful that this space exists. There’s power in knowing we’re not alone.

Possible TW ahead for domestic violence mention

Personally I struggle with fathers day even more than I do with mothers day, and today is especially hard considering what I’ve gone through this year, which I’ve still been trying to figure out a way to talk about here. But basically my ongoing trauma from FDV was because of my dad, which my mother and I escaped earlier this year after a series of extremely distressing events that made it pretty clear his abuse was only getting worse, not better, to say the least. I’ve already had C-PTSD since my early adolescent years which my dad and his behaviour has well and truly been the catalyst for. There’s things I’ve been through that I really can’t go into too many details about, horrific things from my childhood I’m already constantly trying to heal and rewire my brain from, but the things that led to finally escaping his abuse this year truly scarred me on another level.

When I spoke to my therapist last week about father’s day as I knew today would be hard for me, she said I’m already doing what I can from a safe distance. I told her about how guilty I feel in regards to not being ready to see him again just yet and she said that with everything I’ve been through, no one can tell me or decide for me whether I’m ready to visit him or not. She was really nice and reassuring that no, I’m not a bad person for not wanting to see someone that doesn’t care about my wellbeing, so I’ve been trying really hard to sit with that. This is the first father’s day in more than 10 years that I’m not actually spending with him I think. Actually I think it’s the first ever possibly? Even when my parents had their on and off separations when I was younger, I’m pretty sure we always made sure I saw him on father’s day. Though I could be wrong. There’s a lot of my younger years blocked out from my memory.

I wish I had more positive things to say about father’s day. I don’t feel like I’ve ever once had a reliable “father figure” male role model. Today’s just really triggering for me in general.

Hi today being Fathers day is terrible for me l lost my own father in July 2022 suddenly and then all contact with my 2 adult children in September 2022 following a nasty 27 year marriage breakdown during which l suffered from domestic violence from my ex wife. I suffered various forms of physical! Psychological mental abuse plus her control over most things l did including finances. I wasn't even permitted to attend my daughters wedding and l was left with $35 an old car and a few household items. Every Christmas and fathers day is tough because l hold a small glimmer of hope that l may hear from them but it fades away to nothing. I can't understand how hurtful another person can be and destructive. I have life long depression! anxiety. etc due to long term abuse. It's just so sad .

@john74 @lonemushroom I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and that today is hard for you both.

Day's like today are complicated and complex for many of us, and I thank you for being vulnerable.

Sitting with you both.

I just want to acknowledge that Father's Day can be challenging for various reason for Members and it's heatwarming that @NightFury, @john74 and @lonemushroom have posted to share their experiences. I do encourage you to connect with other Members in this thread and the communtiy to support each other through this challenging day.

Often reflecting can bring up some challenging emotions so please do reach out to crisis supports if you need a little extra support today or while these thoughts are present for you. I will add some details here so you have them handy:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Lifeline Chat

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 or Beyond Blue Webchat

1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 or Online Counselling

Samaritans: 135 247 (24/7)

If in immediate danger: 000 www.triplezero.gov.au/triple-zero/How-to-Call-000

Take care

RiverSeal

Hello @NightFury , @RiverSeal , @john74 , @lonemushroom @Jynx , @tyme

I have mixed emotions of Father`s day

as my father emotionally, mentally and physically abused me and my mum

I was getting very sick because of it that mum and I left when i was young

from there my uncle on mum`s side of the family was there for us, but he had his own family as well, so I never have had a father figure

letting you know that you are not alone my friends

Hey @NightFury @john74 @lonemushroom @Shaz51

Solidarity my friends ✊

Father's Day has gotten harder each year for me as my dad has declined more and more (late-stage Parkinson's). He's in hospital at the moment too, so I can't contact him. I don't think he would be able to talk to me even if I did.

In some ways, it feels like I already lost him. But he's still alive, so I can't grieve yet. And the grief will be complex, because so much of my childhood trauma stems from his unprocessed trauma.

Sometimes the feelings get so big and complicated that I have to just tap out and look at some pretty trees or something. But sometimes it is good to take a moment to sit with them - so I truly appreciate this thread and the knowledge that we're not alone. Big virtual group hug for anyone who wants in 😊

(つˆ⌣ˆ)つ⊂(ˆ ᵕ ˆ⊂)

Sending you lots of hugs my friend @Jynx ❤️❤️

@Jynx that would be so hard for you. Big hugs.