What has been your highlight today, no matter how big or small? Come share 🫶

haha @ENKELI Hooman beans are such complicated critters. My mother was stuck on manners and being a lady too.

My mother was pulled out of school at 6 in 1939, cos of the war, then at the end of WWII in 1945, when schools went back, she was offered piano lessons instead of school, if she helped grandmother with all the younger siblings Mum was oldest of 9. So my mother had a total of 6 months of schooling, but she could play piano. I see her label of 'schizophrenic' from when we were in the orphanages, with those limitations which I doubt her doctors at the time even realised. When my parents visited the orphanage she gave me lessons on a toy piano under a tree. Dad talked about the bugs. So I guess why that is why I have science and music sides. My parents had different traumas. Dad was in a orphanages from 6 weeks to 16 years then went to Navy for WWII. Sadly it came out one was a pedo orphanage. So I just see the schizophrenia labels of both my parents thru a trauma lens. Real, serious, but different traumas. One good thing is I learned classical music, but on a shoestring .... 2nd hand music and not many paid lessons.I am alright with being an all rounder, nuffing purrfekt.

My singing group this afternoon went well even if it was tiny with 4 people, 3 were apologies. The songs we have chosen are very uplifting (jazz, pop, rock). Soon I go to my church choir, with a conductor who chooses. I just do aye aye ... play or sing whatever is needed. We have decent working relationship.

Made Chicken Caesar for when I get home tonight.

Six Ribbons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9W5lQNFb-M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swloMVFALXw

Singing in the rain

My family all did try to be as creative and productive as possible within their power, as do I.

The Celtic harp lady did a Stranglers song! What a range! In that I am very fortunate. I did like A Fortunate Life to help me learn about my Aussie side, cos ... I needed to get context, after dad died when I was 11.

@Taali @DownMoreThanUp @Bunniekins @Chasingsunsets @SmilingGecko @TAB

@Appleblossom

i hear you about your parents and i'm beginning to think more and more my schizophrenic side is caused by C.P.T.S.D - Trauma - and not an inherited psychiatric illness. However because my trauma was related with extreme and prolonged anxiety anxiety, it is hard for me to know what came first the fear making my go psychotic or my psychosis bringing me such fears? i have not found an answer to that one yet. Maybe both? For my voices and hallucinations are very closely related to extreme emotional feelings both good and bad. So all my emotions when they become too sharp can trigger voices and/or hallucinations. Which makes it hard to know.

how have you been doing depression wise. You seem to be more energetic on the forums lately i always enjoy reading your postings.

Greetings.

@Appleblossom wow! With your parents' upbringing and then your own it's a credit to you that you are a functioning hooman bean!

I love how your mum still wanted to help you learn the piano, that is just beautiful.

It sounds like their mental health issues were definitely caused by trauma which is just so sad.

My dad was obnoxious, he was my grandmothers' favourite child because he was the product of a relationship with the man she truly loved, my grandfather who died on the HMAS Sydney II. They were expecting to get married when he returned from the war but instead my grandmother was left single and pregnant in the 40's. She considered ending her life but fortunately didn't.

When dad was still very young my grandmother married his stepfather and they had 4 children together. Dad was always put on a pedestal though as she married my step-grandfather out of gratitude, not love. When he joined the army he was encouraged to train as an officer so went to the officer cadet school Portsea. Being an officer brought with it privileges as well so he settled in to being a self involved, selfish person, which he remained until the day he died.

He was abusive to his kids, he physically abused my brother and mentally abused me as an adult and for quite some time I refused to speak to him. I actually changed my surname in 2005 to my maternal grandmothers' maiden name because I didn't want anything to do with him.

We did reconnect a few years later and he still referred to me by my old surname until I gathered the courage to tell him I'd changed my surname. He said he didn't care but his evil b*** of a wife would egg him on and say how terrible I am to have done such a thing. She was the reason we didn't speak for many years. He finally accepted my new surname and all was fine. Then my half sister aka Narcissister stirred the pot when dad updated his will and I got an email from dad saying "oh by the way, I used your old surname in my will, hope that's not a problem." Dad sure could hold a grudge, especially when he had a toxic adult child urging him to do so.

Both dad and half sister knew it would create more work when it came to dispersing my inheritance so I had to show proof of my name change along with several other documents, something his 3 other kids didn't have to do. He was vindictive until the end, telling me that if I am going to be negative about my half sister then I could just F*** OFF (in capitals) and not speak to him. I had questioned something half sister had done and he went off his nut.

Anyway, he's dead now and I don't have to deal with his BS, nor do I have to have anything to do with my half sister. She is another type of evil. I pray God will replace her heart of stone with a heart of flesh each night, maybe one day she might reach out and apologise for her behaviour but I won't hold my breath!!

Only partially functioning @ENKELI but having a go.

We connected over the Sydney sinking before (cos my dad knew people on it and grieved for them, but my mother was a bit dismissive to my father that Australia had not been in the main theatre of war). You have given more background about your father. Yes, Overcompensating, overprivilege and putting people on pedestals can have bad consequences. Step and blended families can be very difficult. I needed to do Family Therapy in the 1990s, and draw from different therapeutic traditions and spiritualities.

The Bowen Centre can be useful.

https://www.thebowencenter.org/

At the moment I am working on differentiation of the self. My self is only slowly being differentiated. Late in life. My boundaries have never been good.

Sadly, my mother betrayed me, in the end in her will, with a sister and my daughter. I had always forgiven and understood her trauma and abandonment of us, but she was so damaged she could not really love anybody, not my father, or we children, only music. So music was a blessing and a curse, in a way. It has been a vehicle and can be a shield or a distraction. I have to do a lot of work to get any understanding about what actually happened to all of us. Get lots of official files etc.

At least we have both survived the will debacles of our parents. I have a secure home underfoot, which I also worked for, and you have your trip coming up.

@DownMoreThanUp When I was young I thought the doctors and experts knew best, but kept doing research. Got into pretty good unis. Diagnostic criteria can change and conferences and disputes about it all seem ongoing. I now, find Mad Studies insights and articles, better than the mainstream biomedical model and the DSM. The money trail with Big Pharma shouts loud.

It seems your personality evolved more into a voice hearer style than mine. I talk out loud to the plants and animals and have internal conversations, but always thought of them as inner dialogue, and outward expressions. I did not get psychotic, though had a psychotic break once when I was 17 and ended up handcuffed to a stretcher in an ED. We all have different adaptations to the trauma or general conditions of our childhoods. You seem to be aware when you are dissociating and shifting to a psychotic state, insights which are not always possible for some people. Have you found the voice hearer websites or groups useful. I also find Internal Family Systems interesting as I have definite Protector parts. Have you looked at those models?

https://www.simplypsychology.com/articles/internal-family-systems-therapy

My dad died when I was too young (11) to tell me much, but he took me to Libraries, and was generous in his cultural education of me in the 2 years we were in Sydney. He pointed the way, to grounded thinking within and outside of religion and bought my desk. I did not see much of a ranting mad man. I just did not. Less than 1%, I figured that was less than all the footie carry on that was normal. He was rational about that and had played for Essendon reserves. Maybe he hid that mad side of himself from me. idk. If he could do that, he was a loving father. Anyway, I developed an analytical approach (a little experimental!), and music from my mother. He also bought her another piano. SO I figure he did his job. He also worked in proof reading and on the Murray Hydro Scheme. So now I QUESTION who and what is mad and function and dysfinction. I know you have had high function at times. I know SUFFERING and DISTRESS are real and is not always controlled like a switch or by a pill. I dont believe humans can really know what another has endured, so its best not to judge.

My mother denied her mental health issues, channelled all her time and focus on music and did well out of that. At once stage she had 3 grand pianos in her house and lots of students, including one psychiatrist who I also taught when my mother was overseas for months. That adult piano student did not know about mum's ECT or multiple hospitalisations. My mother put it behind her in a very rigid way, which may not have allowed her children to thrive as well as possible. My brother and sister and I were silenced a lot. She could not think well outside her narrow views. I dont see it as true malice, but as trauma defences and responses.

My current pdoc, suggests a differential diagnosis of BiPolar (Mixed State), but isn't 'fixated' on it. Yes I have my own quals and can make those statements. In a way it has relevance as I often struggle with high and lows simultaneously. Usually find energy to get things done, but have a high SI load. Mostly I am using singing, playing, and inspiring song lyrics to help me through at the moment. Being real about my experience on the forum might be helping if I dont trigger myself. It is better than being silenced, and never seen or heard.

Haha @Nala2022 as per our conversation, a photo memory popped up! How good were these type of Nutella donuts can’t find these around very often these days! 👌😋.

Hope you have had a good week 🤩

Cracking sunrise pics there @heartathome 🧡💛 thanks for sharing as always 🙏

Loveeee you pic of beautiful taali 🐶🥰, thanks for sharing, hope you have had a good day @Taali 

Thanks so much @Chasingsunsets

but I don't know what picture you're referring to?

Taali 💜

Sorry I’ve been delayed with replies 🤪. With her on the cushion on the couch 🥰. She looks so comfy there @Taali

and how good you returned a lost dog, just catching up. That’s awesome!! 🤩