Dating

hey @Spirit_Healer @Oaktree,

here's the one i used: ASQ-SF - Attachment Style Questionnaire – Short Form

there's a couple other versions out there that may be just as good. i like that this one emailed me a report with a rough summary & analysis of results. the results itself don't hold the 'answers' but rather shines light on what my weakness might be - in my case, it suggested that my emotional regulation particularly when facing rejection needs to be addressed, and that my 'need for reassurance' is quite strong too so i'll need to work on self-validation. i did further research into it too, this was another article that helped my attachment style: 8 Ways to Heal a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

overall, the feedback is somewhat general but a great starting point for me to figure out what areas to strengthen. let me know how you both find it!

@Tarmac_6 @MJG017 sounds like we have the same attachment styles! like MJG mentioned, it can be hard to get to 'secure' but it is very possible! there are times i feel i've made major progress but an unexpected situation occurs and i can feel my anxious-avoidant self fighting to take control. it does take practice, like MJG said, being kind to ourselves during the process really does make a difference.

Hi @MJG017 and @rav3n, sorry for the late reply, I have been really busy the past week or so. Thanks both of you for your responses. I have been doing a little bit more look into attachment styles and will keep working on it. I am sort of realising that this guy isn't the same and I'm scaring myself out of something before anything has even really happened. I am learning how to be more open and trusting in therapy so hopefully that will start to work.

@Tarmac_6

I think you've realised the most important thing... the same thing I've realised about myself... we imagine the worst and scare ourselves out of so many things in our lives that we really want. With attachment issues, I've learned it's very normal and we have a strong desire to feel safe and opening ourselves up, taking risks with people and letting them in doesn't feel safe, so that part of us that we've built to keep ourselves safe kicks in and tells us to back off, run away, or any other way we find to get back in that safe little comfort zone we've built for ourselves. This realisation a few years ago was key to me starting to work on it, knowing why I did what I did and felt the way I felt. While not a solution as it still needs a lot of work, it was such an important first step. You're doing everything right... keep working on it, keep getting help and talking about it to anyone you trust to be open with and you'll start hearing people telling you how amazed they are at the progress you've made... even if it doesn't feel like much yourself. Like I said before, trust yourself and be kind to yourself.