Family counselling

Bullies are blighters @Appleblossom . It's good you're able to share with your support worker.

Something that may appeal to you: I didn't actually mean your John Taverner, although he's good too. I meant John Tavener, a late 20th century English composer who was an orthodox convert and wrote in modes and harmonies that drew from that idiom. Lovely stuff. Seek him out, probably on YouTube. I'll have a look. I have a number of CDs. And Arvo Part. I'm not sure how to insert the umlaut.

@Appleblossom here's one

https://youtu.be/NU4pzzPMWTc?si=ebk-i_-QlMk2UJzn

And some Part

@Appleblossom

https://youtu.be/E-ptWA7b5qo?si=GobgHOjNoxfanHcX

I'm sorry you're currently experiencing 2 different bullying situations @Appleblossom . No wonder you're down. I wonder if you can reframe it not as reiterated victimisation but as an indication of the bullies' maladaptive personalities - it reflects on them, not you. Perhaps bullies' auras impinge more on those of us already susceptible.

I'm glad your support worker is giving you moral support. But perhaps countering strategies would also help. A bit of contingency planning. Humour and a bit of cheek might be effective if you're up to it. But have a plan B in case they're antagonised. Asserting authority as conductor/convenor (whether you or another) could be a fall back as bullies tend to deflate when not in control.

I'm pursuing support re my family dynamics - not classic bullying, more rapidly cycling drama triangle of Victim/Rescuer/Persecutor.

Ah @Dimity the “r” in Taverner made a difference.

I have done a mass by Aarvo Part, plus a trio, Fratres. I really like his style. Meditative. Yep sorry no umlaut, as well. I guess it is on an alternate keyboard. I used to be able to find it.

Thank you for your encouragement and discussion of dynamics. Yes, Victim Rescuer Perpetrator triad is difficult.

I am too sensitive and must be frustrating people.

🎶🎹🎵💙🍎🌿

Thank you for the beautiful music @Dimity @it means a lot to me.

@Appleblossom you're not "too sensitive " snd you're not frustrating me. I do hear negative self talk and airing it is good.

Tavener is very interesting and I love a particular cd of music for Holy Thursday and Good Friday but it was a bit too lugubrious to single out on YouTube. He's been fairly prolific.

I went to a concert once pairing Bach and Part, an interesting juxtaposition. I think I've heard a number of versions of Fratres with different instrumentation.

Odd day today, probably a MH day. Was on forums more than usual and completed assessments for a "new" psychologist. Dunno what will come out of the schema one. It's a bit hard to report uncertainty and ambivalence on a Likert scale. And acknowledging simultaneously conflicting beliefs... very possible but makes tests like Myers Briggs unworkable. Had to do MBTi for work once and gave up and announced I don't do binaries.

Spoke to an old friend last night who declared she doesn't do "isms" - no argument of ideological positions.

But I still don't grasp Rohr's nondualism. Mentally I'm a bit too foggy to do a course or read his books at present, but maybe it will come to me.

Very tense. Must wind down and try to sleep at a reasonable hour. Hope you're sleeping better.

In drama triangle I really don't know which of the 3 roles I play with my sister, I identify with all. It's complicated.

@Dimity

I think I have sung the Nunc Dimitis.

I have not studied Rohr specifically, but generally resonate with the values of nondualism. Life is generally complicated and I have seen simplistic binary thinking, like good/bad or saint/sinner… do harm. It always seemed inadequate to me, so when I saw articles on a skeptic forum, I enjoyed it. Yes, for a while I was on that forum, before I discovered Sane. I don’t believe in being a pushy Christian. Just more of a seeker. Sometimes scepticism seems the honest approach to me. Dogmatism didn’t seem helpful.

https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-dualistic-mind-2017-01-29/

Enmeshment can be a big issue in families. Not having a clear sense of self and struggling. Maybe shifting roles is also difficult.

it’s good to hear from you. I am exhausted after a busy day playing bass in a workshop and alto at home practicing my Bach. I have decided to go to a concert tomorrow afternoon. 4 good recorder players I know. Might be worth it.

I received my first chrissie present today. That friend offered time to talk, but I am very careful not to burden her or any who care. I am feeling more connected in the recorder community than in any other environment. There are varied levels, but the important thing is relating to people, and not being a wallflower. I used to be in choirs for 10 years but still barely socialised. Now I have more positive interactions and more energy and broad range of comments ways of communicating. I used to be so so frightened and, it feels good to have shifted that but there are still challenges.

@Dimity Good luck with psychologist.

My exhusband wanted me to do Myer Briggs and I did it again 5 years after I separated. I tend to be around INTP, but I am no longer that interested. I see traits can shift. I am interested in how they evolve. I have changed a lot in how I socialise in the last few years, so I feel that is partly due to being able to express myself on Sane. I would have looked pretty confident today at the workshop. Jeez I have found a way to joke, and say aspects of truth about me which is probably good for my stability. I never expected the changes I have made. Guess that is good.

@Appleblossom ìt's interesting how you've found your milieu and allow yourself not only to take up space in it, but also to express things like your truths and quirky humour. It's empowering for yourself and those you influence here.

Musicking as practice and primeval communication mode probably has a lot to do with it. Music was important in our family but also a vehicle of control, being selectively encouraged or denied as a form of coercion and punishment. My grandmother said she had the option of becoming a concert pianist but chose another path.

• Please know that I'm thinking of you in your difficult situation with family. Recourse to legal action isn't the only route, therapies and mediation may be options. And counselling of whatever flavour or modality that may be palatable to the difficult individuals - including faith based or philosophical. There are many providers.