Family counselling

@Appleblossom acknowledging your present darkness... and that in it you can reach out and somehow bring light to me and others. That sharing is profound.

This morning I woke reluctantly from a dream of someone I once loved, and I'm still befuddled, so will postpone a longer reply.

You're very much loved and needed. Nelly's remarks seem aptly percussive, so let their sound dissipate. Stay safe.

Hi @Appleblossom

I can hear you are having a difficult time with suicidal thoughts and unsure who can support you with this. It's good you were able to talk to the conductor, but I can hear you were left feeling agitated still 24 hours later. Do you have any other supports in place you could reach out too🌿?

I can suggest the following:

• Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs) 13 11 14
• Suicide callback service (24 Hrs) 1300 659 467

Hope this helps 🌷

Your comment about the Nasty Nelly’s comments being percussive actually made me laugh out loud. Thanks Bella @Dimity for your unique turn of phrase.

I am guessing you are relatively new @TunedIn I don’t think I have actually met you before. One day we can riff about all aspects regarding tuning. I am a dreadful nerd.

Thank you for noticing that my agitation was ongoing. I appreciate that. Regarding the Sane workers obsession with the Crisis line numbers. I hate to tell you that it can be dreadfully triggering to me, and mostly I politely side step it. I am a person damaged by premature deaths partly due to broken health systems NOT doing their job and being more interested in preventing litigation than caring for and treating people in their care appropriately.

That is partly why, when I do get triggered, it takes a hellava lot of time and effort to resettle.

It is another reason why a sense of actual community where people are actually seen a bit and known is more important than some textbook protocol.

I actually worked in one of the first suicide prevention call centres called Link Up in St Kilda in the late 1970s. That is before my sister died or I knew she was suicidal.

I tried the current ones about 5 years ago, but they would be more likely to cement my resolve to follow through. I know you are trying. Thank you

🍎

Hi @Appleblossom,

We appreciate you sharing your experience and perspective with us. We are sorry to hear that the crisis lines are triggering for you. It is apart of our role to provide those numbers, however, we do encourage you to share your thoughts here: Feedback and complaints policy. Your perspective matters to us too.

Holdinghope5

Sending a cheerio @Appleblossom . Hoping the clangour of discordant remarks on raw nerves has abated.

I debated whether to risk contacting family today but decided to take advantage of the rain instead. Had a happy time in the garden. First time in months I've chosen "good" on my mood/activity tracker.

I know you're more a player rather than a listener of music but do you have a go-to composer when things are tough? Bach and the Scarlattis occur to me. Dunno, their supreme logic appeals.

Dear @Dimity I am glad you had a happy hour in the garden… not the bar… lol…

My mood is shifting and settling. I just had 2 hours with a Chinese friend of 3 years. She is very energetic and enthusiastic and in my U3a group but also wants to do some instrumental music with me on recorder with her piano accordion. I was still agitated this morning, but her high energy positivity and affection somehow helped me shift my feelings, she is taking some music for homework, lol, her words, so our friendship is developing.

It really helped to see a notification from you on here. I am somehow mediating my online and in person life.

Somehow I seem to be doing the developmental stage of girlhood and making friends at primary school. So going through lots in rapid succession. Just have to make sure I don’t do anything silly when very upset.

I have long been contemplating the energy in motion aspect of emotions. Lots of reflection and current lived experience of energy levels and different feelings and actions and what it all means. My psychologist keeps saying I am “ integrating “.

Just started playing Bach sonata on alto in preparation for my next recorder festival.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJapR8SN8uQ

I am nowhere as good as a professional recorder player, but am meant to prepare this and other stuff for festival in January. Yep, something to sink my teeth into and keep me focused. You got my number, re taste.

tomorrow, I make soup and will drop some off to vulnerable 85 year old friend from church, then Wednesday I have a funeral. A retired minister who was a GOOD soul at my church. Lots going on. I am riding the rapids. Thanks for riding with me.

🌈🎹🦋🌹🙏🍎

Thank you @holdinghope5 I get it.

I trust the funeral is a fitting celebration and staging for your wise and good friend @Appleblossom .

I followed up your BWV 1035 with BWV 1030 with the same performers. Odd one movement seemed to prefigure a Messiah aria.

Very tired tonight and wound up.

Stay safe in tomorrow's cyclone force winds.

Borrowing of motific material was common and accepted in Bach and Handel’s time. It was the treatment that was individual.

https://www.grahamsmusic.net/post/handel-s-borrowings-from-others

Handel also borrowed from himself. I guess there are only 12 notes in a chromatic scale and a limit to what can be done.

🎹🎶🎶🎵

There was also a baroque theory of affects.
https://www.britannica.com/art/doctrine-of-the-affections

it could be a bit rigid in describing feelings associated with intervals, but I found it really interesting that they were thinking about it and theorising it.

I hope you got some sleep. I did, but woke early despite extra medication.

I think peopke ascribed different emotions and colours to different keys at some stage too @Appleblossom .

The repeated "but who may abide" riffs were noticeable but dunno who borrowed from whom.

Feel like hunting out my Part and Tavener sometime soon.

Hope you're more settled today and feeling grounded after funeral.

I love John Taverner, he really put English music on the map during the Renaissance.

@Dimity

🎵🎹🎶💙🍎

I had a support worker in the morning and 2 choirs. The one I lead in the community and the church one where do versatile, ad hoc and as needed. I never mentioned anything at the community choir beyond tell them about the funeral yesterday as some knew him. At the end of the church choir I spoke with the conductor again, to give her some background and reassure her that I was safe.

With the support worker I talked about the 2 bully situation (church and recorder). She listened and understood and I showed her texts back and forth. She said she would pray about the situation. I am anxious about seeing the recorder verbal bulldozer lady on Saturday at a workshop. I took a little extra medication to sleep tonight.

I really felt between a rock and hard place in both circumstances. That is probably why I spilled my beans.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot. Nobody else on here would even think of Taverner. I will listen to some when I am ready to sleep.

hugs apple