Reaching out to other parents/caregivers who have a suicidal child

Hearing you @Boymum2 ,

I don't have my own children, but I am very close to my niece who also struggles with anxiety. We've been keeping a really close eye on her.

I can see how hard it would be as a parent to watch your child struggle so much with suicidal ideation. In a way, it is good that you've been able to see that the medicatio has helped with the anxiety, but made the SI worse.

Are there things that your son really enjoys doing?

I've worked with a lot of teens in the past, ones who struggle immensely with their mental health, and often, we talk to them about goals; what they want, what they find helpful.

Has the school made a safety plan with your son?

Hi @Boymum2 , I hope its OK to respond to your post - but feel free to disregard if my perspective/thoughts are not helpful or wanted. 🙂

I am not a parent, so I cannot speak as a parent.

However I was/am a child who had had struggles with suicidal thoughts and desires since I was your son's age. I can say that I often did feel sorry for my mum as even though she never expressed to me her worry, I knew she cared and that it would naturally have worried her to know. Thankfully she was smart like it sounds you also have been and got me psychological help as soon as she was aware of it. 🙂

In terms of how to cope, again I cant speak as a parent, but I can speak as to what my mother and I set up for my safety and her sanity (worry).

I really appreciated that she didnt "check in" on if I was coping every day - but she would naturally always ask how my day was (as she also would my sister). This gave an opportunity to talk if I had a bad day or wanted a hug or to talk.

Her openness to talk or to "just sit without talking" or to help by providing a distraction (play a game, watch tv together, go out for a hot chocolate, etc) was really helpful and valuable. It also helped me feel safe and OK to tell her if I was having "difficult thoughts" even if I didnt want to talk about them with her.

Knowing that I could, and would, reach out to her if I felt really intense urges I think helped her to know that I would be physically safe (even at times I was emotionally distressed). She also set me up with another trusted adult who became like a faux-parent mentor too who I could always message or call if I wanted to instead. This gave another safety-net.

If I was out late at night (as I got older and independent as a young adult but living at home still), we had an agreement that I would message her if I was staying out late, and also message when I was leaving and returning home. This was also generally good safety in case of an accident. 🙂

This worked really well to help her not be worried, except for one time I remember because my mobile phone battery went flat without me realising! And it wasn't until 5am that I realised and plugged it into my car to charge. Then I found all these missed called and messages from my poor worried mum! I called her back ASAP to let her know I was OK and just chatting all night to a friend and lost track of time and battery.

I never realised just how much she still worried at that time (despite 8 years of managing the thoughts) if I was unexpectedly non-corresponding, until that incident. After that I always made sure to check my phone battery and let her know if i would be later than expected.

I think trust and an agreement that I would always reach out to *someone* when I felt that way were the key things for us. For me if I promise someone something, I keep that promise. That may or may not work for your son - but if they have something like that that you can leverage as an "assurance" that might help??

Openness with my mother about how she felt about wanting me to live was important. Knowing that she would prefer for me to still be alive even if I was financially dependent on her and needing home-help, rather than to cease to exist because if I wasnt able to cope independently - that has always been such a huge protective factor for me, even still. Knowing that is her preference if I were in that situation, and the acceptance that it would still be OK with her.

I hope this insight from my perspective may help in thoughts on how you may be able to find ways to cope with the worry for your son and build a close supportive relationship that encourages him to reach out openly if he is having those thoughts. ❤️‍🩹

Feel free to tag me if you have any questions or would like any other insights from my perspective as "that child".

Hi, l'm new here but l have plenty of experience from raising two kids alone, eldest with ADHD, anxiety, depression & intellectually disabled, they are adults now.

These diagnoses didn't happen at the same time.

Disabled child had suicidal ideations daily and repetitively. Even though she was medicated [edited by moderator to remove medicaiton name] which is a ow release capsule.

[edited by moderator] Medication for ADHD to help her concentrate, she didn't go to a special school until just before age nine.

Anyway l had Anglicare that case managed us, that came with funding.

I applaud you for the help you have sought out, also reaching out on here, takes guts.

What l found in my later years still being single was a great struggle with housing, but in that came my new faith in Christianity.

I am still a born again Christian and know that God's love forme is unconditional.

Have a think about seeking out a Christian church they also have youth groups. A Pentecostal church l recommend, not a denomination named church.

All l can say is if it wasn't for allowing God into my life, l didn't want to be here.

Infact, l have start writing my life story book, to be an inspiration for those that go through the same kind of struggles.To not give up, and how l learnt to reach out, join groups, be a voice for others & offer wisdom.

God Bless you and your family.[edited by moderator - anonymity]. 🙏🕊️❤️‍🔥

Hey there @Boymum2

My daughter has engaged in self harm for the first time on Sunday night, she is not suicidal but seeking to alleviate emotional pain that is linked to a complex history of trauma. She has been in therapy before but is not open to it anymore, I guess I'm just looking to connect with other mums in this situation. I feel like she's safe but she wants to continue engaging in this behaviour because it helps to alleviate the pain which I understand being that kid before too. I feel like I'm walking a thin line of trying to help her and stopping her from doing it but also risk her not talking to me when she does it because she wants to do it and I'm getting in the way. 😓