Reaching out to other parents/caregivers who have a suicidal child

welcome to the forums @Boymum2!

i'm so sorry to hear how hard things have been for you and your son. i'm not a parent myself but i'm sure other parents/carers will be able to pop in soon to provide you with support.

i do want to say that, i can see you care so so much for him and it's really great that you've made sure he has a strong support team (including yourself). at the same time, i can hear how exhausting it can be supporting loved ones - i hope you're looking after yourself and getting your self-care in. i hope you also have supports that you're reaching out to too 💙

p.s. i've slightly edited your post to add a spoiler tag/content warning to your post, this just helps us keep the community safe from being potentially triggered/upset by certain content. 😊

Hi @Boymum2 ! Welcome to the forums! 🤗

I'm very sorry to hear about what your son is going through.

Is there any cause for his anxiety? e.g. Is he anxious about being bullied at school? (either by kids or the teachers?) Or is it just some general feeling he has?

Is there something specific that weighs on his mind, making him anxious? e.g. Worries about World War III breaking out?

Thanks for reaching out to me. He is an old soul and has a very mature, active mind for his age. He over analyses everything and likes his comfort zone.

The anxiety started to get bad around having to go to school. He couldn't concentrate and was worried about getting in trouble and falling behind. He isn't being bullied. He is a popular and caring kid who likes to help other people all the time.

At the moment we are home schooling him whilst we get his anxiety under control. He has had some pretty big changes take place this year and it's really affecting him. He said that the feelings have become worse since starting the medication.

No problem, @Boymum2 🙂

You say he's worried about getting into trouble at school. Is it possible that maybe a teacher or teachers might be at the root of this?

I remember when I was in school, you'd get teachers sometimes who seemed to have a hair-trigger on their 'yelling mode'. The slightest provocation and they'd be bellowing angrily across the classroom. And of course, it's a horrifying experiance being in a room where someone's getting yelled at, even if it isn't you.

I had a physics teacher like that in Year 11; one of the unhappiest years of my whole school life. And then when I got to the end of the year, I was able to drop a couple subjects, which effectively meant I had the freedom to flee from this teacher, and life got so much better overnight - solely because I'd gotten this man out of my life.

Your remarks about your son just reminded me of that. If your constantly on edge about setting a volatile person off, then yeah, you can become pretty anxious about that.

You also mention you son has worries about falling behind? Would you think that's rooted in him being held up to high standards (either by himself or others)? Or does he have some legitimate cause for concern in that regard? i.e. Is he not 'academically inclined', for lack of a better way of asking that.

Hey @Boymum2 , Is your son linked in with any youth mental health services such as Headspace or Orygen?

I read you took him to ED. Did they refer him to any outpatient services?

Hello @tyme, thanks for your message. Yes, he has been seeing Headspace for over a year now. He is also seeing the school psychologist. He was assessed by CAMHS and then referred to his GP for medication.

So it sounds like there are quite a few things in place @Boymum2 .

I know you said he's only at the early stages of medication. If this med doesn't work, I wonder if it's worth speaking to the GP for another med?

From my own experience, I know I tried so many different meds before I got the one that was for me.

Do you have supports in place for yourself? It must be hard to face this on your own.

Hi @chibam, thanks for your message. He is definitely a hands-on learner and doesn't like to sit still for too long. Because of this the school was really good and implemented a modified timetable with movement breaks and an exit card so he can go to student services if he's feeling overwhelmed or having bad anxiety.

Yes, there is certain teachers who upset him more than others, but that was before they realised he was having anxiety issues. They have all been really supportive and accommodating since then.

There is certainly high expectations put on him by his father and nothing is ever good enough. That is difficult for him. His father also doesn't empathise when it comes to mental health at all. He has a "you'll be right" attitude 😞

Hi @tyme,

Yes, we have a follow up appointment with the psychiatrist from CAMHS tomorrow for a review of his medication, so it will be interesting to find out what they think. It's hard because the medication has really helped his anxiety but it's made the suicidal thoughts worse 😞

I will admit that it's the hardest thing I've ever been through as a parent. I've been navigating anxiety with my two boy's for the last few year's but this is something completely different. I've got a supportive partner, family and friends but I wanted some support from people who have experienced similar issues, hence joining this group ☺️

@Boymum2 The more you talk about your son, the more your descriptions remind me of myself at his age. I probably should've clarified earlier, but I first became suicidal myself at roughly your son's age; and likewise, a huge part of my anguish was my "nothing's-ever-good-enough" father.

However, I must say that it sounds like your son's school is way more considderate and supportive then any of mine ever were. Society marches on indeed!

That was also at the heart of much of my grief with various teachers, as the ultimate fear there was that, if I ever displeased them, they'd send some message home (either in my report card, or as a separate one-off note) which would set dad off on me.

If your school's faculty are as supportive as you say, then is there perhaps some way they could modify the flow of information to his father, to try to cast your son in a more favorable light? e.g. Gushing praise on his report card commentary; perhaps deflecting attention away from low exam scores onto the admirable amount of effort he's put in?

And maybe if your son isn't getting the praise and positivity he needs from his father, perhaps maybe the teachers could step in and give him the pats on the back he needs instead?

What if he could be surrounded by 99 voices saying: "Great job!", counteracting that one voice saying: "Never good enough!"? Maybe that one voice would become an unreliable glitch in the system, and the consensus of all the other voices would seem like the more reliable gauge by which you son thinks he should measure himself?