Dear Karen ( @hiddenite )
We are thinking of you and holding hope for you. If you are able to please let us know that you are okay.
The fire is going tonight, and the candle is lit every night regardless of the temperature. It's stormy at lisajane's & windy here. Thank goodness I managed to get some of the gutters cleaned today, as it's supposed to rain tonight. I found I was starting to get water coming into the ceiling in the toilet.
I wanted to let you know that I've recently had a tiny bit of a taste of what you have been going through - with the constant re-telling your story and finding it so triggering. I have engaged now with 7 new services/ threrapists since the beginning of last term; and even though I have what I'd say is a reasonable level of okay-ness with the trauma I suffered with the 2009 fires I am finding that having to go over it repeatedly has really brought a lot of the grief to the surface, and quite a lot of very triggering memories and intrusive thoughts as well from my childhood. I am feelng quite exhausted and either struggling to get to sleep or to stay asleep. I am very on edge and reacting much more than usual to my kids' foibles and especially with my 6yo.
I really don't know how you do what you do Karen. I think you are incredibly strong and determined. You are truly a survivor and a dedicated mum. Not perfect (no one is), but walking over hot coals repeatedly for your girls in spite of the cost to you. I know you struggle enormously in the midst of that, but to me that shows your courage. "Not the absence of fear or despair but the determination to persist in the face of them."
Take care of you my friend.
Hope for a meaningful and fulfilling life endures...
Kindest regards,
Kristin