Despair *potential trigger: abuse*

Dear Karen,

Unfortunately I didn't get to the river today. I had a couple of appointments including with my psych. Hopefully I will make it tomorrow afternoon.

The bridge work has been going a while now, my 6yo is fascinated and even knows the names of the two bridges. There's an Anzac parade tomorrow at my little one's school and she wants me to come and watch her reading her "bit" (about horses, because she loves them, though of course it doesn't mention them being killed - more's the pity). I really hate the way that war gets sanitised and then glorified. I have been explaining to her that there are no winners in war - even the "victorious" country(ies) have horrible losses. She does know that one of the things which made her dad so unwell was fighting in the Vietnam war.

I really wonder what is wrong with these so-called MH professionals that they don't get this stuff. Part of what's wrong "with you" is actually that the mental health system is currently doing a great job at persistently re-traumatising you. I guess them admitting they don't know what to do is something positive in a way, but I really think they are clueless. You must be dreading it. When is that supposed to start?

I know this stuff feels overwhelming and hopeless at the moment but you know you've actually got stronger over your time here on the forum, and somewhere there is a real light and an end to this long dark tunnel you and your girls have been going through. Until that light shines I will keep lighting a candle, and holding you in my prayers.

Take care of you my friend.

Hope for living in the light endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

I hope the girls appointment went ok, did they come home ok afterwards or were they a bit unsettled? New things always unsettle my lil guy. I have a psychiatrist appt next wednesday too... that i'm also extremelynervous about as well (my GP asked if i would go back into hospital for a few days yesterday 😞 to which i said it wasnt necessary because it really isnt right now!).

Im sorry you feel trapped with the mental health peoples... they just dont listen properly. Is there someone you can take with you who you trust, and can tell them and explain what you want so that they can help to advocate for you in the appointments... i find i get so tongue tied and anxious in front of 'authority figures' that i'll agree to anything to get out of there faster... and because i'm terrified of people being angry with me if i dare to disagree or heaven forbid utter the word starting with an n and ending with an o.

So glad that you post here, I see a lot of similarities between us and it helps me feel so much less alone in this strange world.

@kristin good luck for you lil girl! hope it goes ok for her!

LJ

Good for you Karen taking the girls. I hope they (and you) got through that ok. I agree with @Former-Member sometimes that can be very unsettling for kids - or adults - especially in the short-term. In time if the trauma is worked through effectively and gently at a rate which isn't too overwhelming it can be very helpful. I hope it is for your girls. It is very courageous of you to be working with this for them, because it will inevitably bring up a lot for you which is very painful. You are such a good mum.

I can understand why you are worried and anxious. Lisajane is right - you really need someone to advocate for you. I'd suggest VMIAC but I think they are both guys out our way, but I have sent an email to Daniel (who I've spoken to before about other issues) and asked if they have any women working in the advocacy area. I will let you know if I hear anything back. Any wonder you feel frightened and backed into a corner.

My little girl did beautifully reading her part, she remembered to use a loud clear voice and speak slowly, butterflies and all. I'm very proud of her. I managed to squeeze in a walk along the rail trail with a friend this morning between drop-off and the ceremony. It was great to get out, the weather was kind and it was lovely to catch up because it's been a couple of months - we've both had so much going on.

Thanks, I am managing ok at the moment.Things have settled down a bit for me thankfully - I am even catching up on a bit of the sleep deficit finally. My teenagers did the mowing and whipper-snippering this afternoon which was lovely. My 18yo came up from his dad's yesterday to help out. I feel very grateful for it, and it was lovely to see them working together - the camaraderie. My 18yo showed my 13yo how to use the mower. They've done a great job.

Take care of you.

Hope for an advocate when we need help endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

Hi Karen @hiddenite

I have been thinking of you today, how are you and the girls today? We've had a busy day... i'm looking forward to school and kindy going back this week... though i know it'll be a few weeks before my little guy gets settled back in ok.

LJ

Hi @Former-Member

I hope that goes well, and that you get some much needed head-space now. I always find it such a relief when they go back to school. I love them dearly but I find it a real struggle when they are here all day every day wanting my attention and needing my help.

Take care of you.

Kind regards,

Kristin

Dear Karen @hiddenite

I hope your weekend was okay. Extra challenging when the kids are distressed or unsettled. You've had so much to deal with.

I meant to go for my river walk this morning; but yesterday afternoon I had a some realisations about my childhood that meant I needed to come straight home. More came on the drive back, I cried all the way. I'm just too triggered to stop off, so I've put in a call to my psych. She's not working today but I'm sure she'll call me back. Hopefully soon. I am absolutely freezing, something I get a lot when I am feeling distressed or abandoned.

I've made myself a cup of lovely herbal tea (a special mix a friend made for me) with honey, and I'm sitting with my wheat pack up my jumper. If that's not enough I might even light the fire - just for me - now we actually have more than 20 pieces!

Take care of you my friend.

Hope for calm amidst the storm endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

dear Karen @hiddenite and @kristin ,

You are both hurting today and im sorry for that. I can only say that i am here and understanding the places that you are both. Earlier this year something happened that triggered so many memories that i still cant deal with at all and left me in a really horrible place. I just want to say to Karen i really want you to hold on because your girls truly need you. You alone understand them and what they've been though and are the best person to lead them through the hurts. Keep talking here if it helps at all. Phone Lifeline back if you are feeling like you cant keep to the promise you made. Get the support you need right now to ensure your girls have their mama. (i'm mama to my kids when they're tired/sad)

LJ