My mental illness is not my identity

Hi all

first time posting, and not sure exactly how to say it , but will just be completely honest

I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety and ptsd since about 2012

im now 35 years old and work in the healthcare industry as a registered nurse

so have been on both sides of the mental health scale

for many years I have been doing well and on stable medications

In 2022 I had a range of illnesses over the course of a month back to back hospital admissions, never knowing what was wrong but felt that something physical was wrong

Whilst admitted with an asthma flare up and pneumonia I was also treated for serotonin syndrome

which I had had when I first was diagnosed with depression [edited by moderator]

This time I had not but either way was unwell with many problems and was taken off my meds which I’d been on for 8+ years

TW: Self-harm

but what I really want is some advice and understanding about life

right now

I live at home with my mum step dad

my step dad has been in my life since I was 5

I try not blame myself but in the last 4 years whether it’s because I’m home more and he is retired I’m not sure

but our relationship is broken

TW: abuse

at times I’ve been reactive to this and I’ve defended myself with yelling back which never was good

now last 1 years I walk away

My mental health has never got back to what it was

very insult he throws at me chips away

He did it again 2 weeks ago and now I’m trying to leave , with no real support for a rental and my health I struggle on my own my mum does stick up for me at times

but what I’m really angry and just broken now is that all these years I’ve been saying what he says is cruel and emotional and verbal abuse

but my family say

- what did you do

- what am I doing to fix the situation

- just move out

- if your mental health was better you wouldn’t get so upset

- why did I bait

- he is just stuck in his ways

now me and my mum are just broken apart because for all these years nothing has changed he still continues to do this to me

Two of my sisters have said he is never gonna change just leave

My mental health is constantly used against me like I’m asking to be treated this way

I’ve been told by all my medical professionals That what he does is abuse

i now have a physical response to seeing him or hearing his voice I get sick

I am leaving but my mum thinks our relationship will just go back to go it was when I leave

but I’m angry and broken that everyone has just placed the blame on me

help