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My mental illness is not my identity

Ellie89Casual Contributor07 Aug 2025, 6:07 pm AEST

My mental illness is not my identity

Hi all

first time posting, and not sure exactly how to say it , but will just be completely honest

I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety and ptsd since about 2012

im now 35 years old and work in the healthcare industry as a registered nurse

so have been on both sides of the mental health scale

for many years I have been doing well and on stable medications

In 2022 I had a range of illnesses over the course of a month back to back hospital admissions, never knowing what was wrong but felt that something physical was wrong

Whilst admitted with an asthma flare up and pneumonia I was also treated for serotonin syndrome

which I had had when I first was diagnosed with depression [edited by moderator]

This time I had not but either way was unwell with many problems and was taken off my meds which I’d been on for 8+ years

TW: Self-harm

Content/trigger warning

sadly without memory of this I self-harmed whcich nearly killed me but left with chronic pancreatitis and chronic pain

but what I really want is some advice and understanding about life

right now

I live at home with my mum step dad

my step dad has been in my life since I was 5

I try not blame myself but in the last 4 years whether it’s because I’m home more and he is retired I’m not sure

but our relationship is broken

TW: abuse

Content/trigger warning

he will verbally yell at me for no reason, call me derogatory names, belittle me, call me a horrible person , gaslight me and blaming his behaviour on my mental illness

since being home a lot and many admissions ongoing with my pain he has never understood my new condition

And always tells me I need fixing

and not in a nice way

at times he has said when no one else is around that my sisters hate me and they deserve better and that I’m horrible

he will verbally yell at me for no reason, call me derogatory names, belittle me, call me a horrible person , gaslight me and blaming his behaviour on my mental illness since being home a lot and many admissions ongoing with my pain he has never understood my new condition And always tells me I need fixing and not in a nice way at times he has said when no one else is around that my sisters hate me and they deserve better and that I’m horrible

at times I’ve been reactive to this and I’ve defended myself with yelling back which never was good

now last 1 years I walk away

My mental health has never got back to what it was

very insult he throws at me chips away

He did it again 2 weeks ago and now I’m trying to leave , with no real support for a rental and my health I struggle on my own my mum does stick up for me at times

but what I’m really angry and just broken now is that all these years I’ve been saying what he says is cruel and emotional and verbal abuse

but my family say

- what did you do

- what am I doing to fix the situation

- just move out

- if your mental health was better you wouldn’t get so upset

- why did I bait

- he is just stuck in his ways

now me and my mum are just broken apart because for all these years nothing has changed he still continues to do this to me

Two of my sisters have said he is never gonna change just leave

My mental health is constantly used against me like I’m asking to be treated this way

I’ve been told by all my medical professionals That what he does is abuse

i now have a physical response to seeing him or hearing his voice I get sick

I am leaving but my mum thinks our relationship will just go back to go it was when I leave

but I’m angry and broken that everyone has just placed the blame on me

help

13 replies

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In response to: My mental illness is not my identity

tymeModerator07 Aug 2025, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hey @Ellie89 ,

You deserve to feel safe. Do you have any supports around you?

Have you ever contact 1800RESPECT?

In response to: My mental illness is not my identity

AlisseSenior Contributor08 Aug 2025, 12:04 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi @Ellie89

Welcom to the forums and it's great that you are reaching out. I'm sure you will find connections here.

As a registered nurse, and I want to acknowledge the incredible care and dedication your work requires. Thank you for everything you do for others.

I can only imagine how challenging it can be to manage your own mental health while working in such a demanding field.

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties in your living situation and the relationship with your step father. You absolutely have the right to feel safe and respected in your home, regardless of any mental health issues you may be facing.

Living with chronic health issues and ongoing pain is already exhausting, adding a stressful or unsafe environment on top of that can make it harder or even worsen your health symptoms.

I think your decision to leave the home is an important step in looking after your mental and physical wellbeing. Giving yourself the chance to feel safe may help your nervous system to begin to calm and ease the intense physical responses you've been experiencing.

In time, when you feel safer and less vulnerable, you may choose to address the relationship with your step father and mother. That's entirely your choice, and only if it feel safe and health to do so. Reconnecting should never come at the cost of your mental and physical wellbeing.

Taking care of yourself, your healing, your safety and your peace is what matters most.

Kindly Alisse

In response to: My mental illness is not my identity

AngeltreeContributor08 Aug 2025, 8:03 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

You need respite from the abuse. Plus time to be in a non threatening home life. Many of the people with mentsl health issues I know have slso experienced family abuse.

walking into your own future sounds to me like the freedom you have never had.

i hope you follow your life path as it’s waiting for you. No one needs to keep asking for validation from an abuser.

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Ellie89Casual Contributor08 Aug 2025, 9:34 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi Alissa
Firstly Thankyou for replying back
I am calling women’s line tomorrow to see If I can get some emergency accommodation

I’ve been knocked back or just too many others to contend with for a private rental

I’ve stayed this time around again. For these 2 weeks and I had some tiny amount of hope that mum would just help, listen, understand, or even acknowledge

But it’s now complete silence
Today she tried and just said I’ve been thinking I want to get you (me) started on private health so you can do that

It just made me angry , that’s all she sees of me now is if I’m crying it’s my mental health
If I’m quite or shut down it’s my mental health

I just can’t keep thus up

The hoping
The wishing
Just something anything

Just stop and listen me
He is not the cause of my depression
But what he says how he Says it what he does
Is making my life miserable and I feel worthless

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Ellie89Casual Contributor08 Aug 2025, 9:42 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi angeltree

Thanks for the kind words
I am leaving and sadly my family have just turned away and left me

I feel like it’s me or him
In regards to my life right now
I will not end my life because of him
I hope that I never will do anything as I feel family will just say

Oh
Well she was depressed and she should of got help
Instead of looking at the causation of the words he called me how he used then
And the massive effect that was happening wa h time
I feel my life was chipped away by little by little

Should I be angry with my family though for not speaking out what he says is wrong
Should i be angry with my mum for doing nothing

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

AuntGlowModerator08 Aug 2025, 10:01 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi @Ellie89,

I am so glad to see you are getting support from our community. I wanted to let you know that I am here for you too. This must be so much for your body and mind to handle, and it takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for support. With everything going on with your stepdad, it would feel so painful having all the blame placed upon you, so I am glad you have your sisters and mental health professionals to turn to. What else could you do to create extra grounding for yourself tonight?

Also, I can see how much you are needing peace, safety, and security, and that home isn't providing this space for you right now... would looking at some housesharing options like Flatmates be suitable at all? I am just thinking this might allow you to leave without looking for a lease on your own. Let me know your thoughts. 💛

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Shaz51Senior Contributor09 Aug 2025, 8:18 am AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

hello @Alisse , @Angeltree , @Ellie89 , @AuntGlow

how are you going today

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

AlisseSenior Contributor09 Aug 2025, 10:33 am AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi @Shaz51

I contemplated staying in bed on this wet and cool morning but choose some active self-care and went to pilates, now I can chill for the day without feeling guilty,haha, how are you doing?

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

AlisseSenior Contributor09 Aug 2025, 11:50 am AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Hi @Ellie89

How are you doing today?

Reaching out to a womens helpline is a really positive first step. I'm not sure which state you live in, but every state has housing assistance for women, including those experiencing domestic violence. I hope the womens line in your area can connect you with the services that fit your needs.

Services Australia also has information on homelessness support, including state based housing options and non-government organisations that can help.

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/homelessness?context=60023

I'm really sorry to hear your are experiences with your mother and step father are that of blaming or ignoring instead of understanding. This sounds really painful. I don't have to defend yourself to them, its more important to protect yourself form the abuse and focus on your mental health and wellbeing.

If possible, I encourage you to connect with a counsellor. The services you reach out to may also be able to link you with free local supports. Counselling can help you navigate these difficult relationships, while keeping your safety and needs as a priority. It will support you to process your anger and strengthen your emotional wellbeing.

I truly hope you find safe, stable housing soon and begin that you being to heal in a peaceful environment.

Kindly Alisse

In response to: Re: My mental illness is not my identity

AuntGlowModerator10 Aug 2025, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: My mental illness is not my identity

Good afternoon @Shaz51! I am recovering from a migraine and feeling a little sleep today, but enjoying the sun!

How are you? 🥰

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