WeebSenior Contributor
Ex partner still living with me, break-up blindsided me and has an abusive manchild attitude
So, around late May, I had a psychotic episode. He said he recognised it since he's been through one too. But he continually dismisses my reality. Examples:
- seeking a diagnosis for ADHD with sensory issues, ASD, OCD, complex PTSD, and possible bipolar so I can help identify my weaknesses as areas of growth that need to be changed. He's said things like "but are you an expert?" "Then don't say you're these things." Like excuse me cuttlefish (trying not to swear and I think I have a backbone stronger than him) I am an expert of myself with an extensive medical background of finished and unfinished degrees. Yet acknowledges that not all knowledge is gained from university and with availability of information, people can be self-taught.
- Focusses too heavily on my weaknesses or deficiencies such as financial literacy. So I have told him that people with high trauma backgrounds often lack developmental life skills. I have my father manage my shares, but hey, I do my own taxes, study and work casual. He believed I was financially illiterate since I don't handle my shares (I see that as a future learning need while I focus on uni), and for a while I thought my mobile service wasn't charging me as I was expecting to see it come up in my bank statements as Moose mobile but it came up as something else, so I didn't recognise it. Then in the holidays when I did do a few more shifts, (after pscyhotic episode and realised I need books and planners) I splurged on books and stationery, unsure which ones would best suit me (but I do have future uses for everything I bought), along with a few things for my cat to try (some cat took to, some didn't). He viewed this as financially irresponsible. He does not recognise the equivalency of exchange where time = money = effort = acts of service(like I used to do his laundry and folded them where he said but I never asked you for that, you just took it upon yourself). And often says things like, "You don't recognise how much I've spent on you, yet when you get some money you spend it on needless things. Like excuse me, I barely have enough for fuel and sometimes food at uni, so I use my other resources of time and acts of service to make up for it. So I spent the rest of my hard earned camel cash (instead of what I needed like psychiatric services) on groupon voucher for anniversairy dinner, only to realise they don't do bookings for it during school holidays which happened to be date of anniversairy. So I checked out eat club for another good restaurant. By the end of that I was left with $9 something to my name. He was salty because the menu I checked on eat club was different to the restaurant menu and so I tried giving options similar to the buffet menu I saw but he was just manchild. But hey, there was a bingo there and I won a $30 restaurant voucher which helped me pay for the meal.
- puts me down by saying I know lots of people that have it more put together than you and have it worse. Like no you cuttlefish, people have different areas of strength and growth. Recognise where I'm at when I tell you.
There's lots more examples that would be classified as mental, emotional and threatening physical violence (once, but he's a chihuahua with no teeth).
So I have made plans (he's currently living with me and parents) to present information to him and parents to get him out of the house asap if he continues his abhorrent attitude and behaviour. The only reason he isn't kicked to the streets immediately is because I don't think it's entirely fair to uproot him overnight. And he's not stupid enough to lay a finger on me in my parent's house (he's had far worse toxic exes (believe me when I say I haven't been toxic, but can't be bothered going into explanation. I do have a great ability to self-reflect and take accountability) and he didn't lay a finger on them and actually forgave them).
I think what I'm searching for here is general advice regarding certain legal procedures like timeframes to kick him out. He's been here since December 2024. No legal documents since Asian families consider paying rent for family members weird. So he 'pays' by helping cook(with me) 2 meals a week (he buys all the ingredients but rice we have in abundance) and does jobs around the house like gardening, etc., and contributes to the electricity since his PC use has made a dramatic increase. I'm currently planning on writing up a document for him to sign and go over it with parents like if he can behave properly then he as this amount of time, otherwise, if he continues to show abusive disrespect then he gets like 3 warnings and he's out immediately whereby I will contact his parents to come collect his things and have a document prepapred for "here's why". He also moved from around North Brisbane area and got a job in the Gold Coast to live with me, hence why I originally didn't think it fair to uproot him overnight. But if he continues to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home, he can drive over 100km to work. I don't care. Parents currently believe we're just going through a rough patch, but I do plan on telling them a more full story later. I just haven't had the energy for it yet with my focus being on uni.
Edit: I've used Grok to help point me in some direction and drafted up a notice to leave and behaviour agreement, and it gave me resources for who to contact, who I will be contacting to double check my document doesn't breach any tenacy laws. I guess I'm also looking for some advice on exactly what to say when I bring it up with parents because I'm really not good at finding the right words. Hence why I'd been focussing more on university and kind of ignoring him as much as possible.
